end of chapter 12 Flashcards
define intimacy
intimacy is a quality of relationships characterized by commitment, feelings of closeness, trust, and self-disclosure
many people think intimacy is just sexual but it is actually a connection where you feel comfortable sharing things you trust the person to keep to themselves (secrets or embarrassing things)
initiating relationships
flirting
men are traditionally expected to make the first move towards establishing a relationship
- women usually give men a signal that they would like to be flirted with
what are the three primary factors of maintaining relationships
- relationship satisfaction
- quality of alternatives
- investment
- these factors predict relationship commitment which is a key predictor of the duration of the relationship
other factors such as intimacy and supporting warmth between partners with trust
ending relationships
- breakups are often called the “worst” event in someone’s life
- painful for both parties
- breakups are associated with significant distress, substance use, academic failure, etc
- some people experience benefits of breakup
who came up with the triangle theory of love and what are the three main parts of it
Sternberg
- intimacy (emotional) — tell people your secret and be yourself
- passion ( motivational) — sex, physical attraction
- decision or commitment (cognitive) — long duration of time
when there is only intimacy:
respect and liking lead you to open up to someone (therapists, doctor, lawyer)
when there is only passion:
one night stands, just admiration because of physical attraction, infatuation
when there is only commitment:
some types of coworkers, sometimes family members, strict arranged marriages
what is the name for couples who experience high levels of all three component of the triangular theory of love
consummate love
describe each of the following based on the triangular theory of love
passion + intimacy
passion + commitment
intimacy + commitment
passion + intimacy:
romantic love, usually young love
passion + commitment:
fatuous love, at the end dont usually open up as much (long term marriages, together for many years but dont talk as much anymore, still sexually involved and committed because of children)
intimacy + commitment:
true friendship, companionate (platonic relationship,
good match / mismatch in the lens of triangular theory of love
• Where there is a good match, both partners tend to feel satisfied (triangles are the same size and they form together to make one)
• When there is a mismatch of each component, each feels less satisfied with the relationship (triangles are different sizes and they dont match up)
explain the attachment theories of love (4)
secure lovers: most people
preoccupied lovers: respect others but are preoccupied with themselves and dont really have proper self esteem
others are good but i’m not enough, i have too many flaws (bad self image)
these people have difficulty connecting and have a lot of jealousy in relationships
fearful lovers: dont love themselves nor others, dont trust anyone and don’t trust themselves, most negative view on relationships
dismissing lovers: the others are not worthy, you can’t trust others, others are bad and will break your hearts, but IM good
passionate vs companionate love
Passionate love - state of intense longing for union with the other person and of intense physiological arousal
• Cognitive, emotional, and behavioural components
Companionate love - feeling of deep attachment and commitment to a person with whom one has an intimate relationship
• Stability, commitment, and satisfaction
• Sexual desire and romantic love may often be independent processes
- passionate and companionate do not work together
where does the rush of love at first sight come from?
• Dopamine produced by pair bonding
• Oxytocin and prolactin produced by frequent presence of loved one
love can release endorphins that numb you and give you euphoria, a runners high (especially sexually in love- companionate love has less of these endorphins)
person in love may do foolish things because love activated areas in the brain that are strongly emotional and activate dopamine that is basically a drug “love is a drug”
how are oxytocin’s important to pair bonding
Oxytocin important to pair bonding
• Produced by touch and sexual activity
• Positively correlated with interpersonal trust
oxytocin’s happen at birth to ensure that they don’t abandon their child oxytocin’s happen at birth to ensure that they don’t abandon their child
