Deep Connection Flashcards
To know ways to get from the surface into deep connection in conversations.
How do you get personal information from someone without interrogating?
By applying the ICEBERG THEORY. Starting on the surface and going deeper and deeper through the different levels.
What’s the tip of the ICEBERG?
The SOCIAL MASK.
Why do people use SOCIAL MASKS?
To meet social standards, and protect themselves
What is SOCIAL MASK?
An alter ego. A way of being that is not who they really are.
Explain the belief system in the ICEBERG THEORY
Every assumption said on the surface is the result of a belief. Each belief is supported by another belief.
He says: “I hate this song”. What do you have to look for?
The belief that supports that hatred. He hates that song because of a belief. That belief is waiting to be found.
How would you get deeper if you were permited to make an interrogation? Give an example of each level of depth.
“I LIKE TO DANCE” - Why? Because I LIKE TO BE FREE.
Why? Because I don’t like to be confined by everyday limitations.
Why not? Because it’s suffocating.
Why do you feel that suffocation? Because i fear responsabilities.
Why? Because my MAIN DESIRE IS TO BE INDEPENDENT FROM ANYONE AND ANYTHING, and responsibilities destroy that desire.
Why can’t you just go and interrogate people to get personal information?
It’s invasive. Because you don’t have that right. You don’t have their trust. And if they answer, they will do with lies. (Social Mask for protection)
What are SURFACE CONNECTIONS?
Popular Culture. Hobbies. Interest. Food. Celebrities. Movies. Music. Common Ground.
Does political o philosophical conversation get you to have Deep Connection?
No. They get you to deep intellectual conversations. No Deep Connection.
Can you do Deep Connection from anything?
Yes.
What do you get with Deep Connection?
Trust. Respect. Impact. Intrigue - interest in who you are. Emotional investment.
Do you have to lower your mask to get Deep Connection?
No. If you get deep connection without revealing yourself (or revealing a tiny bit), you get more intrigue, interest, impact and respect.
Why shouldn’t you lower you social mask? (or if necessary, just reveal a tiny bit)
Because not everyone should know your true self, only those with the privilege.
How do you engage someone with a STRONG SOCIAL MASK.
- Acknowledge they have a mask.
- Accept it.
- Work your way into knowing what’s on the other side of the mask.
Who do people respect as a person? (someone who does what?)
Someone who can see beyond the social mask with just a few clues.
How do you work your way into knowing what’s on the other side of the mask?
By looking for the beliefs that support that mask. Find out why is it there.
What happens when you don’t go beyond the mask? (responses)
Every response you get will be congruent with the mask, and not with who they really are. (Fake responses)
Formula to get respect.
Control + Impact = Connection
What’s the CAPITAL SIN in the ICEBERG THEORY?
To ask a deep question when you haven’t gone beyond the mask. (It’s weird, uncomfortable)
How do you start your way into going beyond the Social Mask?
- Ask a question.
- Receive an answer from their mask.
- GIVE AN INTELLIGENT RESPONSE.
What is an INTELLIGENT RESPONSE?
A response that makes a slight impact, a slight shift in their perception of you.
How fast do you have to go? How do you rush it?
You don’t rush it. Go slow. (“A king always takes it’s time”)