d lines gb Flashcards
ALL: LIKE A PEGASUS TAKING FLIGHT? WILL I MEET THE ONE TONIGHT?
15 minutes until showtime.
Cassandra: Miss Kakolotus-
Demetria please.
Cassandra: …whole thing off! I have this impending feeling of catastrophic doom overshadowing the entire event.
Cassandra. I assure you. We here at Olympus productions have everything under control.
Helen: Zeus, not this again. Do I have to share this room with her? Visions are practically dropping out of her sphincter.
Please, Helen-
Cassandra: Nuts? Why does that sound so ominous?
14 minutes until burned.
ALL: …WE’RE IN SEARCH OF OUR MR.RIGHT! WILL WE FIND THE ONE TONIGHT?
We’re almost at showtime.
Narcissus: Hey girl! Well aren’t you delectable?
Narcissus, according to our sexual harassment guidelines-
Narcissus: I wasn’t talking to you. No offense. I was obvi referring to the stunning creature in the mirror. You know- me.
Hera, our gracious godly-
Hera: Oh cut that shit out. I’ve heard it all. This wine is delicious by the way. What is it- Assyrian?
Greek.
Hera: Of course it is.
A delicate question. Are you certain… Zeus approves of you participating-?
Brittney: We have an emergency!
Not now Bridget.
Brittney: It’s Brittney-
We are ten minutes away from showtime. Do your job and take care of it. Earn those drachmas.
Brittney: But it’s about Pandora-
What about her?
Brittney: She can’t do the show!
What do you mean she can’t do the show?
Brittney: She’s… she’s… she’s
She’s what? What are you stammering for? Where is she?
Brittney: …In the box.
Is that-?
Brittney: It is.
Damn it! We’re short one contestant! We need seven!
Brittney: Why?
What kind of a Greek are you?! Don’t you know your Pythagoras? 7 is our lucky number! This all has to go perfectly! Without a hitch!
Brittney: Wasn’t Calypso an alternate? I can try-
We’re on an island in the middle of the sea! How is she gonna get here in 5 minutes?
Brittney: Aegan Airlines is having a big sale-
You!
Brittney: Me?
Get out of those schmattes and get to wardrobe at once.
Brittney: Wait. What?
You’re cute enough.
Brittney: But-
Stop talking. Gimme that head and get in there now!… I’ll figure this out later! Two minutes everyone!
(MERELY MORTAL ENDS, BURNING LOVE THEME MUSIC BLARES)
Ready mortals and immortals! Eyes wide! Big smiles! Take it Nick! And on time please.
Nick: Quiet please! Ready in 5-4-3-2-1! And we are live!
Welcome to the beautiful Island of Lesbos and to the season premiere of Burning Love! For the next few weeks these lucky contestants will compete to win the heart of one of Greece’s most eligible bachelors!
Hera: I hope it’s Perseus. He has killer calves.
They will journey through romantic dates. They will battle through challenges- both physical and mental. And they will be eliminated one by one. Only the last survivor will find their burning love! Before our mystery bachelor meets his potential brides to be- let us first request favor from Aphrodite, the Goddess of love.
(HYMN ENDS)
And now the contestants!
Hera: Let’s get to it already! Who’s our man meat?
Our contestants are obviously eager. And no doubt- so are you! So let’s not delay any longer. Here is our bachelor, straight from Thessalus- he of the Golden fleece- the one and only- Jason!
Jason: Some fine specimens, Demetria. Especially that new one. You don’t disappoint.
Here at Olympus productions our goal is to find you that burning love.
Eurydice: Has anyone seen the weather out there? It’s not looking good.
Why is Zeus doing this to me?
Nick: I wouldn’t blame Zeus for this one. I just received the weather report. A huge storm is brewing.
So who cares? We’ll shoot everything inside for now.
Nick: Or asked for his assistance-
What does that mean?
Narcissus: …but second best- yeah. Jason. Absolutely.
Welcome back to Burning Love! So Jason- what are your thoughts? What are you feeling right now?
Jason: …Really, it does. It’s been a year of hardships. With the death of my… sorry.
It’s okay to cry, Jason.
Jason: …But you know, I will continue. I will make due. You’ve all been so supportive.
We sincerely hope so. And we are determined to make your love burn. Welcome back contestants! But before we begin with the dates-
Hera: It’s ominous music. What do you think is happening, you moron.
Jason. You must now eliminate one of the contestants.
Narcissus: Girl, what?!
By face value alone. Each one of these urns represent each one of our contestants. A broken urn means a broken heart.
Jason: Oh gosh. I didn’t know the choice was going to be so difficult. Do I really need to get rid of someone now?
I’m afraid so, Jason.
Jason: I have to be honest. There’s someone standing before me who isn’t a stranger to me.
What a development. In what way?
Jason: I hate to reveal this, but needs must… I have… known one of these contestants.
We need a name.
Narcissus: Sacreligious!
Do you deny you’re from Crete?
Ariadne: …That’s like being shocked Odysseus is from Ithaca!
You have been eliminated. You may do the honors.
Jason: Sorry babe.
Ariadne, you have been burned.
Ariadne: This is bullshit.
Please leave the stage.
Brittney: Demetria-
Oh. It’s you. You’re doing great.
Brittney: Really?
It fits you like a glove. You’re a natural reality contestant. Gold star for you.
Brittney: Can’t we see if Penelope is available. I’m just a mere mortal-
Mortal schmortal. Look, besides Hera, we’re all mortals here. I get it. So there is no myth of Barbara.
Demetria: …myth of Barbara.
Brittney: It’s Britt-
But who’s to say after today there won’t be one? And besides, do you hear that?
Brittney: Hear what?
That. No ones leaving or getting on this island. It’s all on you. Enjoy it. Live in it. And you really don’t have a choice. You’re on my payroll, sweetheart, so you do what Kakolotus says. Got it? Good. You have a swell night.
Nick: And action!
Good morning everyone? How was everyone’s night? (they respond) Ready for today’s challenge? (they respond) You will all be competing for a chance to go on a romantic one on one date with our remarkable bachelor, Jason. How else will you find your burning love? Jason?
Jason: …this game is all about risk. Will you risk it for a chance of love with me?
This game is called Canapes of Chance. You must completely eat what’s in front of you. The fastest contestant wins the romantic date.
Cassandra: Please don’t let it be figs.
Are you ready to see your not so amusing bouches? Please stand behind a cloche. (the contestants do) Before you we have… dehydrated Hydra.
Narcissus: Girl, it’s like beef jerky.
A Cyclops eyeball.
Helen: Gross.
A delicious pasta made from the hair of Medusa.