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Lieutenant's testing material myCOPY > CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS > Flashcards

CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS Flashcards

1
Q

CHAPTER ONE:

What makes conversations crucial?

A
  1. Opposing opinions
  2. Strong Emotions
  3. High stakes
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2
Q

CHAPTER ONE:

When face crucial conversations, we can do one of three things:

A
  1. Avoid them
  2. Face them and handle them poorly
  3. Face them and handle them well
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3
Q

CHAPTER ONRE:

When it matters most, we tend to do our best OR our worst?

A

We do our WORST

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4
Q

CHAPTER ONE:

Twenty years of research reveals the key skill of effective leaders is what?

A

The capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically issues.

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5
Q

CHAPTER ONE:
Is it possible that an organization’s performance could hang on something as soft as how individuals deal with crucial conversations?

A

YES

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6
Q

CHAPTER ONE:

People in heated discussions fall into three categories; what are they?

A
  1. Those who digress into threats and name-calling
  2. Those who revert to silent fuming
  3. Those who speak openly, honestly and effectively
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7
Q

CHAPTER ONE:

The ability to hold crucial conversations has no impact on your personal health. True or False.

A

FALSE - It does.

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8
Q

CHAPTER ONE:
Research showed those who routinely failed their crucial conversations had far weaker immune systems than those who found a way to resolve them well. True or False.

A

TRUE

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9
Q

CHAPTER TWO:
From an early age, we believe we must choose between candor and kindness (telling the truth or keeping a friend) is also known in the book as:

A

Fool’s Choice (pg. 22)

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10
Q

CHAPTER TWO:
When it comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled people find a way to get all relevant information (from themselves and others) out into the open is called:

A

DIALOGUE - free flow of meaning between two or more people. (pg. 23)

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11
Q

CHAPTER TWO:
Conversations with our own opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences about the topic at hand are combinations that make up what?

A

Our personal pool of meaning.

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12
Q

CHAPTER TWO:
When two or more of us enter crucial conversations, by definition we don’t share the same pool of meaning. True or False?

A

TRUE (pg. 24)

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13
Q

CHAPTER TWO:

People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to do what?

A

To add their meaning to the shared pool, even ideas at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. (pg. 24)

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14
Q

CHAPTER TWO:

What happens when the shared pool of meaning is dangerously shallow?

A

When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another, individually smart people can do collectively stupid things. (pg. 24)

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15
Q

CHAPTER TWO:

When it matters most, we tend to do our worst. In order to move to our best, we have to do what?

A

To find a way to explain what is in each of our personal pool of meaning to get others to share their pools. ( pg. 27)

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16
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

What is the first principle of dialogue?

A

Start with your own HEART (pg. 33)

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17
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

The first problem we face in our crucial conversations is not that our behavior degenerates, but it’s our _______.

A

MOTIVES (pg. 35)

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18
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

Those who are best at dialogue tend to believe the best way to work on “us” is to start with whom?

A

ME (pg. 35)

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19
Q

CHAPTER THREE:
Unlike others who justify their unhealthy behavior by explaining they had no choice but to fight or take flight, the dialogue-smart believe that dialogue is what?

A

Always an option, no matter the circumstances. (pg. 36)

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20
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

The desire to win is built into our very fiber before we’re old enough to know what’s going on. True or False?

A

TRUE (pg. 38)

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21
Q

CHAPTER THREE:
Sometimes we choose personal safety over dialogue. Rather than add to the pool of meaning, and possibly make waves along the way, we choose to do what?

A

SILENCE - We accept the certainty of bad results to avoid the possibility of uncomfortable conversation (pg. 39).

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22
Q

CHAPTER THREE:
A small mental intervention - the simple act of asking a potent question - can have a powerful effect on redirecting our heart. What is that question?

A

What do I really want? (pg. 41 - 42)

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23
Q

CHAPTER THREE:
Ask yourself these questions either when you find yourself slipping out of dialogue or as reminders when you prepare to step up to a crucial conversation: (pg. 43)

A
  1. What do I really want for myself?
  2. What do I really want for others?
  3. What do I really want for the relationship?
  4. How would I behave if I really wanted these results?
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24
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

Asking questions about what we really want serves two important purposes:

A
  1. It reminds us of our goals.

2. Helps us keep focused. (pg. 44)

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25
Q

CHAPTER THREE:
Those who are skilled at crucial conversations present their brain with a more complex question. They routinely ask what?

A
  1. What do I want for myself?
  2. What do I want for the other person(s)?
  3. What do I want for the relationship? (pg. 45)
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26
Q

CHAPTER THREE:

What is the key to framing the “and” question?

A

Clarify what you really don’t want. For example, I want this “and” I don’t want to see this happen. (pg. 46)

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27
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

When conversations start turning ugly, what should you watch for?

A
  1. The content of the conversation (topic under discussion)

2. The condition (what people are doing in response)

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28
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What are the three conditions to look for during a crucial conversation?

A
  1. The moment a conversation turns crucial
  2. Signs that people don’t feel safe
  3. Your own style under stress
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29
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What are some of the signs that suggest you’re in a crucial conversation?

A
  1. Physical signals (dry eyes, tight stomach)
  2. Emotional signals (feeling scared, hurt, or angry)
  3. Behavioral signals (out-of-body experience, raising voices) (pg. 54)
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30
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

People who are gifted at dialogue keep a constant vigil on what?

A

SAFETY (pg. 55)

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31
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

During crucial conversations, how do people react when they no longer feel safe?

A

They become defensive. (pg. 56)

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32
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What are the signs that people are feeling unsafe?

A

SILENCE (withhold meaning to the pool)

VIOLENCE (trying to force meaning in the pool)

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33
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What are the three most common forms of SILENCE?

A

MASKING (Sarcasm, sugarcoating)
AVOIDING (talk, but avoiding the real issues)
WITHDRAWING (pulling out of the conversation altogether) (pg. 59)

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34
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What are the three most common forms of VIOLENCE?

A

CONTROLLING (coercing others to your way of thinking)
LABELING (putting a label on people or ideas)
ATTACKING (belittling or threatening)

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35
Q

CHAPTER FOUR:

What is the most difficult element to watch closely as you’re madly dual-processing?

A

Your own behavior. (pg. 62)

36
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:
Building safety comes with the understanding there are two different conditions of safety is at risk. What are the two conditions?

A

Mutual Purpose - the Entrance Condition

Mutual Respect - the Continuance Condition

37
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

Crucial conversation often go awry not because others dislike the content, but because what?

A

The content suggest that you have a malicious intent.

38
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

What are some of the signs Mutual Purpose is at risk?

A
  • Conversation ends up in debate
  • Defensiveness
  • Accusations
  • Circling back to the same topic
39
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

What are two crucial questions to help us determine when Mutual Purpose is at risk?

A
  1. Do others believe I care about their goals in the conversation?
  2. Do they trust my motives? (pg. 77)
40
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

What are the telltale signs respect is violated and safety takes a turn south?

A

People start defending their dignity. Emotions are the key. (pg.79)

41
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

What makes it easier to find a way to respect others.

A

When we realize we all have weakness. (pg. 80)

42
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

What are the three hard-hitting skills that the best at dialogue use?

A
  1. Apologize
  2. Contrast
  3. Create a Mutual Purpose (pg. 82)
43
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:
Contrasting is a way of ensuring that what we said didn’t hurt more than it should have. Contrasting provides context and what?

A

PROPORTION

44
Q

CHAPTER FIVE:

In creating a Mutual Purpose, the acronym C.R.I.B. is used. What does it stand for?

A

C - Commit to seek mutual purpose
R - Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
I - Invent a mutual purpose
B - Brainstorm new strategies

45
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Emotions don’t settle upon you like a fog. Others don’t make you mad. ____ make you mad.

A

YOU (pg. 104)

46
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Describe the Path to Action sequence.

A

See and Hear > Tell a Story > Feel > Act

47
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Stories provide our rationale for what’s going on. They are our ____________ of the facts.

A

Interpretation (pg. 109)

48
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

If we take control of our stories, they don’t control us. Once they’re told, the stories control us. True or False?

A

TRUE (pg. 111)

49
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

What is the first step to regaining emotional control?

A

Challenge the illusion that what you’re feeling is the only right emotion under the circumstances.

50
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Separate fact from story by focusing on what?

A

BEHAVIOR (pg. 115)

51
Q

CHAPTER SIX:
When we feel a need to justify our ineffective behavior, we tend to tell our “clever” stories in ____ very different ways.

A
  1. Victim Stories
  2. Villain Stories
  3. Helpless Stories
52
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

When you ignored the role you play; what story are you telling?

A

VICTIM

53
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

What is a common device in Villain Stories?

A

LABELING (pg. 118)

54
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Fabrications we make ourselves out to be powerless to do anything healthy or helpful is what stories?

A

HELPLESS

55
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Helpless stories often stem from which other stories and typically offer us nothing more than Fool’s Choices?

A

VILLAIN

56
Q

CHAPTER SIX:
when we sell out, we consciously act against our own sense of what is right. After we’ve sold out, we have only two choices. What are they?

A
  1. Own up to our sellout

2. Try to justify our sellout

57
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

What does a “useful story” do?

A

Creates emotions that lead to healthy action, such as dialogue.

58
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Clever stories have one characteristic in common; what are they?

A

They’re incomplete

59
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Turn villains into humans. When you find yourself labeling or otherwise vilifying others, stop and ask:

A

Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do what this person is doing?

60
Q

CHAPTER SIX:

Turn the helpless into the able. When you catch yourself bemoaning your own helplessness, stop and ask:

A
  1. What do I really want for me?
  2. What do I really want for others?
  3. What do I really want for the relationship?
61
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

When it comes to sharing touchy information, the “worst” at dialogue alternate between being blunt and what?

A

Say nothing at all

62
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:
When it comes to sharing touchy information, the “good” at dialogue say what’s on their minds, but they do what to their mes sage?

A

Understate or sugarcoat

63
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

When it comes to sharing touchy information, the “best” at dialogue speak their minds completely and they do how?

A

Respectfully

64
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:
In order to speak honestly when honesty could easily offend others, it can be done by carefully blending three ingredients:

A
  1. Confidence
  2. Humility
  3. Skill
65
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:
The five distinctive skills that can help you talk about even the most sensitive topics can be remembered with the acronym STATE, which stands for…

A 
S - State your facts
T - Tell your story
A - Ask for others' path
T - Talk tentatively
E - Encourage testing (pg. 136)
66
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Facts are the least ___________ and ___________; they are the most ____________.

A

Controversial
Insulting
Persuasive

67
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Always begin your path to action with _________.

A

FACTS

68
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

When talking to people with opposing opinion, the more convinced and forceful you act, the more ______ others become.

A

Resistant

69
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

The more absolute and overstated terms when you’re speaking will decrease your influence. True or False?

A

TRUE

70
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

The more tentatively you speak, the more open people become to your opinions. True or False?

A

TRUE

71
Q

CHAPTER SEVEN:

When people starting to resist you, turn your attention away from the topic and onto whom?

A

YOURSELF - the more you care about the issue, the less likely you are going to be on your best behavior. (pg. 152)

72
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

When people don’t feel safe or comfortable sharing their facts and stories, what is the best way to return to dialogue?

A

Get at the source of fear and discomfort.

73
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

What question keeps you retracing the other person’s Path to Action until you see how it all fits together?

A

Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person say this?

74
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:
When others playing out their silence or violence games, we’re joining the conversation at the beginning or the end of their Path to Action?

A

The end. They’ve already seen and heard things and told themselves a story, and generated a feeling.

75
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

What are our cues to help others retrace their Path to Action after they have already acted out their feelings?

A

External reactions

76
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

What does it take to get others to share their path - stories and facts alike?

A

It requires listening.

77
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:
A listening tool we use to help make it safe for other people to speak frankly can be best remembered with the acronym AMPP. What does it stand for? (pg. 162)

A

A - Ask to get things rolling
M - Mirror to confirm feelings
P - Paraphrase to acknowledge the story
P - Prime when you’re getting nowhere

78
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:
When the person is still upset and isn’t explaining his/her stories/facts, we either gracefully exit or ask what he/she wants to see happen. True or False?

A

TRUE (pg. 165)

79
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:
When the other person has something to share and might do so with a little more effort on your part, this is called what?

A

PRIMING

80
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

Most people consist of battles over the __ to __ percent of the facts and stories that people disagree over.

A

5% to 10%

81
Q

CHAPTER EIGHT:

To help your listening skills, use your ABC’s. What are they?

A

Agree - when you share views
Build - If others leave something out, agree where you share views, then build.
Compare - when you differ significantly, compare your views

82
Q

CHAPTER NINE:

When do the the two riskiest time in crucial conversations tend to occur?

A

Beginning and at the end. (pg 178)

83
Q

CHAPTER NINE:

There are four common options of making decisions that represent increasing degrees of involvement:

A
  1. Command
  2. Consult
  3. Vote
  4. Consensus
84
Q

CHAPTER NINE:
Increased involvement brings the benefit of increased commitment along with the curse of decreased decision-making efficiency. True or False?

A

TRUE

85
Q

CHAPTER NINE:

Command decisions, it’s not our job to decide what to do. It’s our job to decide what?

A

How to make it work. (PG. 181)

86
Q

CHAPTER NINE:
What type of decision making method should be used with (1) high-stakes and complex issues or (2) issues where everyone absolutely must support the final choice.

A

CONSENSUS

Lieutenant's testing material myCOPY (17 decks)

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