Close Relationships Flashcards
Speed dating event
Before:
p’s rated the importance of the following characteristics:
- physical attractiveness
- earning potential
- friendliness
After:
rate the person they speed dated on the above characteristics
and then: would you see them again? yes/no
peoples preferences did not predict who they actually selected
speed dating event: results
no relationship between what people said they wanted before the vent and who they wanted to date after the event
picking partners is not the same as picking other things
e.g., an apartment - has to meet criteria –> there is a random element to partners that is not predictable
evolutionary interpretation of speed dating results
random mating/mixing up the gene pool is very beneficial for a species
e.g., to avoid inbreeding -
so some psychologists say this randomness is an evolved mechanism to mix up the gene pool
other research related to speed dating research
other research finds the same results e.g. data-driven technique (Joel 2017)
theory behind speed dating etc results
predicting romantic attraction is more random than we think -
-> may feel as someone is ‘all we ever wanted’ but this feeling seems to be the result rather than the cause of liking someone
–> dyadic - partners select each other, predetermined list of preferences discounts that the other person has a say too
–> before the study people may have had an idea of what they want in a partner but during the event may have learned how each person made them feel
non-verbal signals of romantic interest
Andersen (2006)
- Smiling
- Increased eye contact
- Pupil dilation (Pronk, 2021)
- synchronised gestures &mimicking (Karremans, 2008)
- touch of vulnerable body parts
- less distance
- speech e.g. matching volume/speed, warmth, relaxed, laughter
these can predict romantic interest
% use of online dating
30% in 2022
Pew Research
online dating common demographics
younger adults: 18-29 (53%)
- non-heterosexuals (gay, lesbian, bi) (51%)
those with a ‘slim market’ e.g., those in rural areas
do online dating profiles work?
some claim to have a ‘match algorithm’ - but do not disclose how it works
AND as the speed dating study shows - our perceived preferences may not predict who we actually like
experts suggest:
focus on being the partner you want to be rather than on what you want e.g. sportiness important? be sporty
online dating: disappointment
less attracted to others when we find out who they ‘really’ are as opposed to who we though they were (Ramirez 2015)
people are showcasing the best of themselves both physically and personality wise
online dating future
Still awaiting longitudinal studies
Are online relationship meetings more likely or less likely to last
Software is relatively new so we need to wait
Effects not clear yet
We can only see signs of romantic interest when seeing people interact
interdependence theory aims
applies social exchange theories to romantic relationships
aim: explain the structure of relationships that make people satisfied and committed; their interdependence
interdependence theory theory
social exchange theory: rewards and costs determine satisfaction and commitment (e.g. whether to stay or leave)
rewards = desirable relationship experiences
costs = undesirable relationship experiences
rewards
desirable relationship experiences
benefits
costs
undesirable relationship experiences
e.g., arguing
rewards and costs: tangible
tangible/material
e.g., making dinner, financial assistance
rewards and costs: intangible
intangible/social
e.g., feeling loved, knowing your partner is dependable, jealousy
costs and influence
we pay more attention to costs and remember them more (Baumeister 2001)
5x greater influence
‘magic 5:1 ratio’ - (Gottman 1992) rewards:costs –> rewards must outweigh the costs
divorcees = more likely to have 1:1
overall positive = overall satisfied
how far are you committed to your current relationship questions
- I want our relationship to last a very long tome
- I feel very attached to our relationship - very strongly linked to my partner
- I would not feel upset if our relationship were to end in the near future
- It is likely that i will date someone other than my partner in the next year
Investment model theory behind
commitment is influenced by 3 factors:
satisfaction
alternatives
investment
can’t JUST be satisfaction - otherwise people wouldn’t stay in unhappy relationships
satisfaction
how happy are you in the relationship?
alternatives
how happy would you be in another relationship/alone
is being alone worse?
investment
what have you put into this relationship that you would lose if the relationship ended
have i wasted the best years of my life?
can be tangible and intangible e.g. home vs time
investment model define
incorporates satisfaction, investments and alternatives and predicts when people are:
- highly satisfied
- have made lots of investments
- don’t have many attractive alternatives
THEY ARE MORE COMMITED PARTNERS LONG-TERM
feeling committed = best predictor of staying
investment model: meta-analysis
(Le, 2003)
52 studies
11,582 participants
satisfaction r=.68
investments r=.46
alternatives r=.48
^how much they predict commitment
satisfaction is the biggest predictor of commitment
——>
r=.47 commitment –> stay
commitment predicts staying together
investment model: evaluation
culturally and historically specific:
- not robust to time or culture
- Stay or leave? is a modern luxury - historically marriage was sacred and in some cultures, it still is
Nowadays marriage should be wholly fulfilling needs - sexually, socially, etc
investment: pros and cons
pro: if you have invested you are more likely to try and work through difficulties - not flea at first sign of trouble
con: can trap people in unhealthy relationships
e.g., women with high investments and poor alternative = likely to return to abusive partners
importance of commitment
helps to protect and maintain relationships:
derogate alternatives
accommodate
make sacrifices
importance of commitment: derogate alternatives
committed people rate attractive people as less sexy than single individuals (Karremans 2015)
protective mechanism
importance of commitment: accommodate
committed people respond more constructively when dissatisfied (Rusbult 1991)
e.g., bite their tongue during a fight, try to work things out
importance of commitment: make sacrifices
committed people make sacrifices when conflicts of interest arise (Righetti 2017)
e.g., moving
commitment and the investment model
commitment predicts pro-social relationship behaviours which are likely WHY relationships last and so WHY people stay in relationships
PLUS prosocial behaviours involve doing what is best for the relationship –> increasing investment –> increasing commitment further
attachment
an intimate emotional bond to a particular individual who is seen as providing protection, comfort and support
BOWLBY 1969
Attachment system theory
observed infant/caregiver relationships:
infants who are separated from their PAF experienced intense distress
separation activates the ATTACHMENT SYSTEM:
helps ensure that infants and caregivers remain in close physical proximity
attachment system
helps ensure that infants and caregivers remain in close physical proximity
helps keep infant safe to survive and thrive
normative attachment processes
proximity maintenance
secure base
safe haven
(Responsive care giving is also important)