Charisma: Basis, Obstacles, Solutions Flashcards
The deck covers Chapter 1 to 4 of the book.
What three key tips does OFC provide to boost charisma in conversations?
1) Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences
2) Reduce how quickly and how often you nod
3) Pause for two full seconds before you speak
What are the three core elements of charisma?
Presence, Power and Warmth. Presence is the foundation for the two other skills.
What does Power mean in the context of charisma?
Power means being perceived as able to affect the world around you.
Define Warmth
Warmth is goodwill towards others. It is assessed almost entirely through body language and behavior; it is evaluated more directly than power.
Do words or body language matter more for Charisma?
Body language matters most.
How does the mind affect charisma?
Charisma is assessed mostly through body language. It is impossible for us to consciously and fully control our body language. Therefore, the mind should be used. It is necessary to put oneself in a charismatic mental state. Charismatic behaviors must originate in the mind. Internal skills matter most. Knowing your internal world starts with one key insight upon which all charisma is built: your mind can’t tell fact from fiction. What your mind believes, your body manifests.
Describe the main obstacles to Charisma.
First, Physical Discomfort. Avoiding it is simple: 1) Prevent, 2) Recognize, 3) Remedy or explain.
Second, Mental discomfort, which can result from anxiety, dissatisfaction, self-criticism, all of which are forms of internal negativity:
- Anxiety is often caused by Uncertainty. Our inability to tolerate uncertainty can cause us to make premature decisions. A good tool to reduce anxiety is the “Responsibility Transfer”.
- Dissatisfaction can be caused by comparison. The “Responsibility Transfer” technique may be uses there as well.
- Self-criticism is problematic because the brain does not distinguish between imagination and reality, and these internal attacks are perceived by our mind just as real attacks would be. They can generate an automatic physical reaction known as the threat response or fight-or-flight response.
- Self-doubt is lack of confidence in our own ability to achieve something. It is a result of our survival mechanisms.
OFC provides a checklist to overcome these obstacles.
Step One: Destigmatize Discomfort
Step Two: Neutralize Negativity
Step Three: Rewrite Reality
How can one destigmatize?
Remind yourself that it is a shared experience. Rather than being yours alone to bear, see the issue as the depression, the shame, the sadness. Shame specifically is the most damaging.
How to neutralize negativity?
Realize that your thoughts are not accurate at all. For instance, when catching a time of annoyance in someone’s voice, remember it could be a sign of their internal discomfort.
Rewrite Reality
Use cognitive reappraisal. Decide to change beliefs, it reduces the brain’s stress level. And it works even when we know it is a placebo.
Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Best to delve into the sensation.
