Chapter 9

Question 0

Know all conflict styles.

Answer 0

1. Collaborating – working together to maximize the attainment of goals for all parties in a conflict. This is a cooperative style of conflict management. Has three key components: confrontation, integration, and smoothing.
2. Accommodating (yielding)– when we surrender to the needs and desires of others during a conflict. Is the style of the less powerful.
3. Compromising – when we give up something to get something in return. Occurs between parties of relatively equal power.
4. Avoiding (withdrawing) – when we sidestep or turn our back on a conflict. We avoid conflict when we ignore it or deny it exists. Includes stonewalling which is refusing to discuss problems or physically leaving when one partner is complaining, disagreeing, or attacking.
5. Competing power forcing – when we approach conflict as a win-lose contest

Question 1

Know what flooding is.

Answer 1

When you can no longer think clearly because conflict triggers emotional reactions that clog the brain’s ability to reason. People feel unfairly attacked, misunderstood, wronged, or righteously indignant. You feel that things have gotten too emotional, that you just want to stop, you need to calm down, or you want to run away. People inadvertently hold their breath, muscles tense up, hearts beat faster, and it may be harder to breathe.

Question 2

Be familiar with culture and conflict section.

Answer 2

Individualist and collectivist values markedly influenced the choice of communication styles of conflict management when conflict erupts.

• The Chinese emphasize harmony as a goal. They seek conflict free interpersonal relationships. They have a strong desire to avoid conflict with friends or members of in groups. When conflict is unavoidable they prefer accommodating so harmony is maintained. Conflicts with individuals from an outgroup are often handled quite differently. Competing is not an uncommon way to approach conflict with outsiders. Physical fights are not uncommon in such circumstances.
• Americans favored direct, competing or compromising styles of conflict management.
• Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cultures favor a forceful, aggressive, argumentative style of communication typical of power forcing.
• Native Americans in the United States find assertiveness to direct and aggressive displays of anger distasteful.
• -The key to effective intercultural conflict management is flexibility. Learn to use all communication styles well.

Question 3

Managing your own anger.

Answer 3

1. Reframe self talk – reframing the way we think about events can deflate our anger before it has a chance to escalate.
2. Speak and listen non-defensively – refuse to become defensive
3. Deliberately calm yourself – exercise some discipline and refuse to vent your anger. Count to 10. Use 20 minutes away from the person or situation that triggers your anger.
4. Change your focus – Read the newspaper, watch TV, etc.

Question 4

Managing the anger of others

Answer 4

1. Be asymmetrical – resist reacting signaling to words of criticism. Counteract rage with absolutes calm.
2. Validate the other person – let the person know that his or her points of view and anger have some validity, even though you may not agree with him or her. This is vital for men because men tend to respond to a woman’s emotional upset by becoming hyper rational.
3. Probe – seek more information from the other person so you can understand his or her anger.
4. Distract – when a person is really out of control, distracting that person by introducing a topic that shifts the focus can sometimes divert attention away from the source of the rage.
5. Assume a problem orientation – this is a supportive communication pattern. Approach the emotional display as a problem to be solved not a reason to retaliate.
6. Refuse to be abused – Do not permit yourself to be verbally battered.
7. Disengage-when all else fails to calm a person’s anger. Use this if the person continues to be abusive. Leave.
   - -Being asymmetrical provides the greatest chance of diffusing the other person’s anger.

Question 5

Anger and attribution

Answer 5

Intent and blame are two common forms of attribution that ignite anger. When we guess what motivated a person, we often assume the worst. We assume it was intentional and we get angry.

• Blaming someone for negative behavior is the companion of intent. If the behavior of others is intentional and negative, it deserves reproach.
• How we frame potential conflict producing events influences are emotional response.

Question 6

Constructive and destructive anger

Answer 6

Two conditions determine how destructive or constructive anger is:

1. Intensity – anger can vary in intensity from mild irritation to rage. Mild, even moderate anger can be constructive. Rage is destructive.
2. Duration-how long anger lasts. If your anger goes on for too long you and anyone listening will lose sight of the issue that caused the anger.
   - –Venting anger, or blowing off steam, usually increases one’s anger.