CHAPTER 4: BECOMING AN EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT LEADER

Question 1

We have the power when it comes to emotional intelligence. That is the most important part of understanding how to use it to our advantage. We can all increase and improve our EQ.

Answer 1

“We have the power” is the most important part of of understanding EQ.

Question 2

For more experienced leaders at more senior levels, the _______ section is for you. This is where you continue to assess, take inventory of your skills, and determine how to refine them. In this phase, you build relationships that take your career to new heights.

Answer 2

transforming

Question 3

FIRST STEPS:

Are you willing to do the hard work of getting to know yourself more deeply than you ever have?
Are you prepared to ask yourself the tough questions and answer them with clear eyes?
Are you going to go after what you really want, even if it feels uncomfortable?

Answer 3

I start with these three questions because the answers are essential to increasing your emotional intelligence.

Question 4

FIRST STEPS:

If you’re serious about boosting your EQ and becoming a sought-after thought leader, you have to focus first and foremost on _______.

Answer 4

yourself

Question 5

FIRST STEPS:

I call this the “EQ Game Plan for Leaders.” As we discussed in chapter 2 on self-awareness, this means having clarity around your

1) values,
2) passion,
3) purpose,
4) ______, and
5) goals.

Answer 5

4) mission

Question 6

FIRST STEPS:

To get to your authentic core as a person and leader, you need to hold yourself to a high standard with ________ and discipline. It’s here that you can begin to build the foundation for your life and career.

Answer 6

commitment

Question 7

FIRST STEPS:

Write down exactly what you want to achieve—the results that you’re willing to work so hard for. From there, build _______ to create exactly what you want.

Answer 7

backwards

Question 8

FIRST STEPS:

Shifting to a longer-term strategy, I’m a major proponent of putting together a five-year plan for your life.

Answer 8

Five-year plan- one of most important building blocks I believe a leader should have.

Question 9

FIRST STEPS:

You will need to adjust your plan. You must keep going and make adjustments as ____ ______ all around you. That’s the secret of change and the secret of life.

Answer 9

life changes

Question 10

FIRST STEPS:

One of the great models in life, the late coach John Wooden, defined success as “peace of mind, which is a direct result of ____-______ in knowing you made the effort to become the best you are capable of becoming.”

Answer 10

self-satisfaction

Question 11

FIRST STEPS

As you begin each day, I implore you to ask yourself, “What will success look like ______?” Answering this question is one of the first steps you should take when looking to grow into a better leader.

Answer 11

today

Question 12

FIRST STEPS:

As you begin to put your plan together, __________ gets your juices flowing and makes you hunger to achieve your goal. Visualization and imagination go hand in hand to kindle the fire inside that fuels your motivation and determination. There is power in reciting your plan out loud.

Answer 12

visualization

Question 13

FIRST STEPS:

Another great first step to take is a philosophical one. It is extremely helpful to have a philosophy around what you hope to be and what you intend to accomplish. Some people call this a personal creed; I call it your personal mission statement. This is written documentation that establishes three things:

1. Your why
3. The substance of things that matter to you

Answer 13

your direction

Question 14

FIRST STEPS:

Your purpose—or your raison d’être—is the reason you’re doing what you’re doing. This should be organic and developed only by you, free from any _______ or emotions of the moment.

Answer 14

influences

Question 15

FIRST STEPS:

Your direction determines the ______ you must take in order to fulfill the requirements of your why.

Answer 15

actions

Question 16

FIRST STEPS:

This is where writing out your goals and putting them into a plan comes in. This is your direction, the _____ that will guide you when life gets in the way, when you’re too busy or too tired. Planning is essential.

Answer 16

compass

Question 17

FIRST STEPS:

The _______ of things that matter to you are part and parcel of your why, and should be incorporated, as much as possible, into what you do each day. These are the core values, ideals, principles, people, and things that bring enthusiasm and passion to your life.

Answer 17

substance

Question 18

The author, Christopher D. Conners, mission statement:

To help others and make a _______ difference in their lives through my writing, speaking, and coaching, while living each moment to the fullest, and having a positive attitude, smile, and genuine enjoyment for life.

Answer 18

tangible

Question 19

FIRST STEPS:

Some values that leaders assimilate into their arsenal include _______, confidence, perseverance, kindness, and humility. These are universally accepted and beneficial values and key components to leadership, no matter the venue.

Answer 19

honesty

Question 20

FIRST STEPS:

“Values matter to successful businessmen and women, and to you and me.”

Answer 20

Steve Jobs

Question 21

Mission Statement

Here’s how to set up yours:
1. Your why: Why are you doing what you’re doing? Who are you doing it for? Dig deep and ask yourself reflective questions, like what is this leading me toward? Crystal-clear awareness of your thoughts will inform your actions.
2. Your direction: What steps do you need to take to get where you really want to be? Write these out. These become success measures that will hold you accountable and inspire you. 3. List everything in your life that matters to you, and go deeper. Why do these things matter to you? How do they resonate with you? How do they touch you in a meaningful way and make you think, “I have to have these in my life”?

With clarity on all three elements, you can write out your ______, personal mission statement.

Answer 21

succinct

Question 22

BUILD YOUR EQ GAME PLAN:

You saw this one coming, didn’t you!
1. What do you want? Everything begins with this ___________ question.
2. List your values (e.g., faith, honesty, integrity, perseverance, humility).
3. List your passions. These motivating factors will light the fire inside you. Don’t focus only on work items; you can include personal items as well.
4. Purpose—why are you doing what you’re doing?
5. Mission—how will you define success?
6. Goals—what specific, measurable outcomes are you trying to achieve?

You have your game plan. Just like the foundation of a house, your structure is now in place.

Answer 22

FUNDMENTAL

Question 23

FIVE-YEAR PLAN

What would you most like to accomplish professionally in the next five years? Use these questions to help guide you:

• What professional development courses would you like to take, what conferences would you like to attend, or what certifications would you like to obtain?
• In 100 words, describe the job you’d love to have that meshes with your talents, knowledge, skills, experiences, and passion.
• List all your business skills. Then list your _________ skills to see how they translate to another industry or business venture; e.g., public speaking could translate into a variety of leadership roles.

Answer 23

transferable

Question 24

TRANSFORMING:

The best leadership advice I’ve ever received is very simple: Start building relationships right away. I mean both the __________ you have with yourself, and the relationships you build in your personal and professional life.

Answer 24

relationships

Question 25

TRANSFORMING:

In order to give value to others in your organization, you must first _________ look within and be firm in your values, strategy, and goals.

Answer 25

introspectively

Question 26

TRANSFORMING:

The transforming leader knows that driving change and action requires building relational capital and doing so with empathy and an authentic desire to elevate others.

Answer 26

capital

Question 27

TRANSFORMING:

To mobilize people and move them toward achieving _______ goals, transformative leaders should always be in the mind-set of getting to know their employees. Authentic business relationships are built on curiosity, candor, and a willingness to help.

Answer 27

strategic

Question 28

TRANSFORMING:

So much of what defines success at a job is learning the company _______, finding what makes people tick, and showing a genuine desire to help.

Answer 28

history

Question 29

TRANSFORMING:

Situational Leadership, the brainchild of the late Dr. Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard, author of the bestselling book The ___________, lays out a framework for how to approach leadership in each situation, depending on the readiness of the employees you’re dealing with.

Answer 29

One-Minute Manager

Question 30

TRANSFORMING:

It teaches you how to lead depending on the readiness level of your employees.

Answer 30

Situational Leadership

Question 31

TRANSFORMING:

Dr. Andrew Chamberlain, chief economist for Glassdoor, has the research to back this up: “Across all income levels, the top predictor of workplace satisfaction is not pay: It is the ______ and values of the organization, followed closely by the quality of senior leadership and the career opportunities at the company.

Answer 31

culture

Question 32

TRANSFORMING:

Among the six workplace factors examined, compensation and benefits were consistently rated among the ______ important factors of workplace happiness.”

Answer 32

least

Question 33

TRANSFORMING:

Dr. Michael D. Watkins, renowned expert on transitions in business, said, “To be successful, you need to ________ the energy of many others in your organization. If you do the right things, then your vision, your expertise, and your drive can propel you forward and serve as seed crystals.”

Answer 33

mobilize

Question 34

TRANSFORMING:

most important things = ________

Answer 34

big rocks

Question 35

TRANSFORMING:

The big rocks are things like achieving the ______ in your strategic plan, developing new leaders, hitting revenue markers, and ensuring you have the right people in the right positions.

Answer 35

goals

Question 36

TRANSFORMING:

Transformative leaders focus on the most important things and ______ the pebbles to other members of the team.

Answer 36

delegate

Question 37

TRANSFORMING:

They know that personal development (e.g., coaching, meditation, reading new books) and professional development (e.g., attending leadership conferences, learning a new technology, training) are _______ for them to continue furthering their leadership capabilities.

Answer 37

essential

Question 38

TRANSFORMING:

All around, transforming leaders are ______, self-aware, and motivated to make each day their masterpiece as they continue to develop new ways to move their organization forward.

Answer 38

mindful

Question 39

Evolution:

Here are five questions to ask yourself as you evolve into an emotionally intelligent leader:
1. What is the cost to me of staying in the same spot and not changing?
2. What behaviors have not worked for me in the past? What did I learn from them?
3. What do I see as my biggest leadership need?
4. What leader can I learn about and emulate to continue my progression into becoming the leader that I want to be?
5. What are the best “quick wins” (based on the five pillars of EQ: self-awareness, self-management, motivation, empathy, and social skill) that I can immediately begin to assimilate into my thoughts, words, and actions?

Answer 39

“quick wins”

Question 40

Facing Adversity:

What are the three most difficult experiences you’ve ever dealt with as a leader (personally or professionally)? Write what it felt like when they first occurred, and then write what you did in the aftermath to recover mentally and emotionally. Next, list the lessons you learned from each of these instances. What qualities and traits of EQ did you exhibit while going through your biggest moments of adversity? How are you better today for that adversity, and how has it made you a stronger leader?

Answer 40

Exercise

Question 41

COMMON CHALLENGES:

A very common challenge for anyone becoming an emotionally intelligent leader is overcoming the perception that people will take _______ when you lead with empathy.

Answer 41

advantage

Question 42

COMMON CHALLENGES:

As Simon Sinek artfully says in Leaders Eat Last, “When a leader ________ their responsibility to care for people instead of caring for numbers, then people will follow, solve problems and see to it that that leader’s vision comes to life the right way, a stable way and not the expedient way.”

Answer 42

embraces

Question 43

COMMON CHALLENGES:

Another common challenge facing emotionally intelligent leaders is revealing more of ________ personally to the people they lead.

Answer 43

themselves

Question 44

COMMON CHALLENGES:

If you’ve succeeded as a leader without ______ your style or trying on new roles, chances are you’ll struggle at first. What if you’re suddenly asked to head a new department where you lack subject matter experience, but you’re trusted because of your business acumen? How are you going to adapt to learning something new, working with new teams, and perhaps leaning on others more than you have before?

Answer 44

evolving

Question 45

COMMON CHALLENGES

it’s important to have an _____ mind-set.

Answer 45

agile

Question 46

COMMON CHALLENGES:

Being agile and ________ to the needs of the business, having a balanced team, and knowing how to best employ your strengths while compensating for your weaknesses are signs of a truly adaptable, high-EQ leader.

Answer 46

responsive

Question 47

RESISTING REGRESSION:

The best productivity and time-management guidance instructs us to form ______, which in and of itself implicitly urges us to practice consistency and commitment.

Answer 47

HABITS

Question 48

RESISTING REGRESSION:

So it’s here in this disciplined mind-set that we must operate if we’re to avoid regressive behavior, such as:
• Forgetting everything we know to be right because the pressure of the moment causes us to act in desperation
• Making a firing or promoting decision on a _____.
• Giving ourselves all the credit and none of the blame
• Stubbornly thinking we can lead by decree, raised voice, or demand, particularly when it’s not an emergency situation
• Eliminating time for reflection and building up our core selves because “we’ve advanced beyond that fundamental stage”

Answer 48

whim

Question 49

RESISTING REGRESSION:

Short-term thinking prioritizes ______ over strategy.

Answer 49

tactics

Question 50

RESISTING REGRESSION:

Aways remember, _______ leaders show empathy toward themselves.

Answer 50

high-EQ

Question 51

RESISTING REGRESSION:

Over the long haul, life will be so much better if we lead with _______. The quality that people respect most is persistence. As an emotionally intelligent leader, this persistence—drive—is what enables us to take the first step and keep going.

Answer 51

integrity

Question 52

RESISTING REGRESSION:

As discussed in chapter 2, the best way to thwart regressive behavior is with a fully self-aware mind-set toward ________ and subtraction. I like to call it playing offense and defense.

Most of us spend our time squarely in the offensive zone.

Answer 52

addition

Question 53

RESISTING REGRESSION:

The problem is that if this isn’t accompanied by a defensive mind-set—one that also focuses on eliminating ____-_____ and self-destructive thinking, behavior, and activities—then all the high-value activities won’t matter.

Answer 53

time-wasters

Question 54

RESISTING REGRESSION:

These are ____-______, “playing offense” activities:
• Spending time each day in meditation (and prayer, depending on your spiritual preferences) • Keeping a journal for self-reflection to express your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, both personally and professionally
• Thinking of the people in your everyday interactions that you can help—meeting them for lunch or coffee and simply asking, “How can I help you?”
• Planning and organizing your time blocks each week for meetings, idea creation, and work you need to focus on
• Beginning your day with, and seeding in moments for, inspirational reading and videos
• Visualizing yourself achieving your exact goals and definition of success, imagining what that looks like, how it makes you feel, and what it will take for you to get to that moment These are “playing defense” activities:
• Examining how you spend time in your day and identifying things that aren’t helpful
• Determining what meetings and tasks you can delegate
• Building in contingency time for inevitable emergencies or circumstances that demand your attention
• Building in contingency time for inevitable emergencies or circumstances that demand your attention

Answer 54

high-value

Question 55

RESISTING REGRESSION:

Make a habit of cutting out excuses. Excuses lead to a lack of ownership, which is the mark of someone who is _____-_______ responsibility onto others. Eliminate excuses because they lead to procrastination.

Answer 55

off-loading

Question 56

To help address regressive behavior, take this “feedforward” approach from famed coach Marshall Goldsmith, via the Harvard Business Review:

1. Describe your goal clearly and simply to anyone you know.
2. Ask for two suggestions. Encourage creative ideas.
3. Listen carefully. Write the suggestions down.
4. Respond with “thank you.” Nothing more. No excuses or defensiveness.
5. Repeat by asking additional people.

Embracing a constantly self-improving mind-set will combat any types of _____-________ that may enter your mind. The “feedforward” part is about accepting suggestions and asking for as much help in that area as you can to help you grow. Be proactive and remain open as you make big strides as a leader.

Answer 56

regressive behavior

Question 57

PROCESS OF ELIMINATION:

Create a ____ of personal and professional things you need to give up to reach a level of wellness and performance you can be proud of. For example, it could be related to your diet, or maybe it’s eliminating negative words or phrases from your vocabulary. Perhaps it’s simply eliminating excuses.

Break your list into the four areas of wellness: emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental. What is holding you back from becoming a better leader at home and at work?

Answer 57

LIST

Question 58

SYSTEM:

It’s one thing to have a plan, and another to back it up with a system you use to hold yourself accountable. I love the Bullet Journal as an analog tool to compliment any digital schedule management tools like Gmail, Outlook, etc. For this exercise, I encourage you to commit to a daily practice of listing the following:

• Notes
• Tasks
• Events

Lock in _______ of uninterrupted time to do this at the start of each day. What are the highest-value tasks and events? Build around those and be diligent as you work through each item. Having a system enables you to prioritize each input and to determine what needs to get done, what can be delegated, and what doesn’t require your focus.

Connors, Christopher D.. Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader: A Guide to Cultivating Effective Leadership and Organizations (p. 97). Rockridge Press. Kindle Edition.

Answer 58

15 MINUTES

Question 59

WEEKLY SCORECARD:

SELF-AWARENESS

_______

MOTIVATION

SELF-MANAGEMENT

SOCIAL SKILL

Answer 59

EMPTHY

Question 60

TAKEAWAYS:

As you transform and evolve as a leader, please recognize the incredible _______ of change. Adapting to a new environment, building new relationships, and doing the introspective work of determining what you need to do to improve will make a world of difference in your professional development.

Answer 60

importance

Question 61

TAKEAWAYS:

Understand what it means to play both offense and defense within your role. To avoid slipping back into bad habits, focus on the __________ you can incorporate into your daily routine. Conversely, eliminate negative time-wasters and any unnecessary tasks and meetings on your schedule. Realize how much progress you’ve made, and be energized by all that’s to come.

Answer 61

high-value activities