chapter 4 Flashcards
negative expectations
when parents do not believe a child will succeed at something, they subtly (sometimes not subtly) communicate that belief to the child
unusually high standards
parents sometimes expect performances beyond the ages and abilities of their children
promoting competition between siblings
children are discouraged when parents promote competition between them by praising one child’s success while ignoring the other child’s efforts
overly ambitious parents
children of overly ambitious parents might not try things unless they feel confident in their success
the double standard
some parents practice a double standard by denying their children the privileges they sometimes enjoy
appreciate the child’s uniqueness
it is encouraging when parents take an interest in each child’s activities; get to know what is interesting to each child
show confidence in children by giving them responsibility
it is important for parents to be aware of the child’s level of ability and mindful of the goal they want to accomplish in assigning the child certain responsibilities
show confidence in children by asking them for advice
consulting children for their opinion bolsters their sense of self-worth and encourages them to speak up to parents regarding their ideas and beliefs
show confidence in children by avoiding rescuing them
it’s discouraging to children when their parents do things for them on a regular basis that they are capable of doing themselves
build on a child’s strengths
acknowledge the things the child does well
build on a child’s strengths while disapproving of behaviors
even when a child misbehaves, parents can focus on the child’s strength while expressing disapproval for the child’s misbehavior
avoid sending mixed messages
example: “so why don’t you clean your room like this all of the time?”
use humor
parents who can see things from a humorous point of view encourage children to reconsider rigid perceptions of themselves and others
plus 1 — smile
the parent approaches the child with a smiling face
plus 2 — relaxed body language
when parents make a request of a child, it is important to (a) minimize the psychological distance between the parent and the child through the use of relaxed body language, and (b) minimize the physical distance between the parent and the child
plus 3 — say the child’s name
when making a request, saying the child’s name while using an approving voice tone personalizes the request and conveys respect for the child
plus 4 — pay a compliment to the child
affirm the child by saying something positive about the child or what the child is presently involved in
the wish
only after providing 4 pluses for the child does the parent make the request
active listening
a technique in which the listener listens to and reflects back (in their own words) the feelings and content of the speaker’s message
I-messages
communication with another in which individuals accept responsibility for their feelings and thus do not blame others for the way they feel
reinforcement
a consequence that maintains or increases behavior
