Chapter 3: Attraction Flashcards
Basic Assumption of Attraction
we like those who reward us either because they provide us: direct rewards by treating us well or indirect rewards
Instrumentality
the extent to which someone is able to help us achieve our present goals, may be key; we are attracted to tother who can help us get what we currently want
Proximity
we tend to like those who live or work near us; small distances have a larger influence on relationships than most people realize
Familiarity
repeated contact; mere exposure to, or repeated contact with someone usually increases our liking for him or her; familiarity foes not breed contempt
Convenience
proximity is rewarding and distance is costly; partners who are close at hand are usually able to provide us more benefits, at lesser expense, than distant partners
How can proximity and familiarity cause complications and make things worse?
when people live near others who are disagreeable or obnoxious; when people who have met online come face to face for the first time; partners in a long distance relationship are reunited after some time apart
The Power of Proximity
proximity makes it more likely that two people will meet and interact, and when our goal is simply to get along and have a good time, familiarity and conveince with others usuall increase our attraction to them
Our Bias for Beauty
“what is beautiful is good”; we tend to assume automatically that physically attractive people have other desirable traits
We may also confuse beauty with talent…
attractive people eaern higher salaries and are promoted more often at work; attractive professors get better evaluations; attractive miscreants are treated more kindly in court; attractive politicians are judged more leniently
Who’s Pretty?
there is much more agreement than disagreemtn from culture to culture and group to group about what faces and features are physically attractive
Attractive for women is…
women are more attractive when they combine baby-faced features such as large eyes, small nose, and full lips with signs of maturity such as prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, and a broad smile
Attractive for men is…
men with strong jaws and broad foreheads seem appealing when women are fertile; during the rest of the month, women prefer men with warmer and more youthful features
Attractive faces in both sexes are…
average (possesing dimensions that are neither too large or too small); symmetrical (with two sides of the face being mirror images of each other)
Womens bodies are most attractive….
if her waist to hip ratio is 0.7 giving her and hourglass figure
Mens bodies are most attractive…
if his waist to hip ratio is 0.9 and it only matters if he earns a decent salary; a man is not all that attractive to women if he is handsome but poor
Attractiveness in regards to height, smell, hair, intelligence and the color red
height: both men and women prefer relationships in which the man is taller than the woman; smell: attractive people smell better; hair: men prefer women with longer hair, and women prefer men who have short hair; intelligence: women like smart guys; the color red: both men and women find strangers of the other sex to be more attractive and sexually appealing when they are wearing red
An evolutionary perspective on physical attractiveness
standards of who is and who is not attractive are the same around the world; babies are born with preferences for the same faces that we find attractive in adults; people with attractive symmetrical faces tend to have bodies that are symmetrical and tend to enjoy food physical and mental health
How does a woman’s behavior change towards men when she is fertile?
they dress more provocatively and wear more cosmetics; they are more flirtatious toward attractive men and they are 3x more likely to wear something red; men think that women smell better when they are fertile and more attractive when fertile
What matters the most when you meet someone for the first time?
their looks
The interactive costs and benefits of beauty
looks have a larger effect on the social lives of men than women; unattractive men have fewer interactions with women that good looking guys ; attractive people tend to be a little happier than unattractive people, but they do not trust other people as much
Matching
people tend to pair off with others of similar levels of physical attractiveness; the more serious and committed a relationship becomes the more obvious matching usually is
Desirability
physical attractiveness multiplied by probability of acceptanceM
Mate value
our overall attractiveness as reproductive partners; people with high mate values are highly sought by others, and as a result, they are able to insist on partners of high quality
Similarity
birds of a feather do flock together; we tend to like those who share our: age, race, sex, education, religion, social class, attitudes, values, and personalities
Do opposites attract?
no; but there are several subtelties in the way similarity operates that may mislead people into think that opposites do sometimes attract
How much do we think we have in common?
perceived similarity matters; our perceptions of how much we have in common matter more than our actual similarity does and partners routinerly think that they have more in common with each other than they really do
Dissimilarities can….
take time; it may take a while to find out that we dont have as much in common as we had thought; but they may decrease over time; shared experiences and a quest for compatibility can make partners more similar as time goes by
Fatal Attractions
can occur; something we initially like about a new partner can gradually become one of the most obnoxious, irritating things we dislike about that partner
What similarities do routinely matter?
housework and gender roles; spouses who are more alike and who share household work equally tend to be content
Complementarity
one way “opposites” may attract now and then; we like partners who entertain and support us; the blend of similarities and differences that form an optimal mix may vary from couple to couple; but most complementary behavior is similar behavior, with partners desiring the same goals and working together to attain them
Around the world, everybody prefers partners who offer…
warmth and loyalty; attarctiveness and vitality; status and resources
For long term mating…
men insist on moderate attractiveness, but they want all the warmth, honesty, humor, and intelligence they can get; women inists on moderate status and resources, but they want all the warmth honesty, humor, and intelligence they can get
Dealbreakers
the characteristics that would lead them to reject someone as a partner, both sexes put objectionable traits, ill-health, and poor hygiene at the top of their list; men and women generally agree on similar thing but women are a bit more cautious and choosy and have more dealbreakers than men
