Chapter 13: Sexual Communication Flashcards
What is communication in intimate relationships?
Communication in intimate relationships refers to ongoing verbal, behavioral, and emotional (affective) changes, which can occur face-to-face or via technology. This includes non-verbal cues like a smile, raised eyebrow, kiss, or even emojis.
Relationship communication
Relationship communication is an ongoing exchange between partners that unfolds over time, involving verbal, behavioral, and affective exchanges. It addresses issues relevant to the relationship’s functioning and occurs within an established relationship context.
What are common patterns of communication in distressed versus nondistressed relationships?
People in distressed relationships tend to engage in more negative behaviors and fewer positive behaviors than those in nondistressed relationships. For example, they are less likely to show empathy when their partner is upset.
What are John Gottman’s Four Negative Communication Behaviors that predict declines in relationship satisfaction?
Criticism: Attacks a partner’s character or personality instead of addressing specific issues. (e.g., calling someone “annoying”)
Contempt: Shows disrespect or hostility, putting down the partner. (e.g., rolling eyes at dirty talk)
Defensiveness: Protects oneself by denying responsibility, making excuses, or counter-complaining.
Stonewalling: Refuses to engage in the discussion. (e.g., pretending not to hear during a conversation)
What effect does perceived partner responsiveness have on relationships?
A partner’s responsiveness to communication efforts is linked to greater relationship and sexual well-being.
Perceived Partner Responsiveness—is often more important for sexual well-being than the partner’s actual level of responsiveness.
In more traditional countries (italy, germany) __ were more likely to sext compared to __
boys, girls
In less traditional countries (Finland, Norway) there were no gender/sex differences in sexting (t/f)
true
How does the importance of open sexual communication differ between men and women in heterosexual relationships?
In heterosexual relationships, open sexual communication is more important for men’s relationship satisfaction in the early stages. For women, open sexual communication becomes more important for relationship satisfaction as the relationship progresses beyond the early stages.
Definition of Hyperpersonalization Effect
Refers to accelerated or amplified intimacy in online communication compared to in-person interactions alone
mutualistic talk
“Other focused” sexual talk that relates to sharing the sexual experience with ones partner
Exclamations of pleasure “yes”
Giving your partner positive feedback/compliments
Instructional statements
Associated with lower sexual distress
Individualistic Talk
“Self Focused” sexual talk that relates one’s own sexual experience and pleasure
Sexually dominant statements
Sexually submissive statements
Sexual ownerships
Sexual fantasies
Associated with greater sexual satisfaction
When partners were unresponsive, mutalistic talk was associated with sexual distress and individualistic talk was linked to poorer sexual satisfaction
Positive Sexual Rejection Behaviours (help maintain satisfaction)
Reassure your partner that you are attracted to them
Reassure your partner that you love them
Offer alternative forms of physical contact
Offer to make it up in the future
Try to talk with your partner instead
Negative Sexual Rejection Behaviours
Display frustration toward your partner or move away from them
Be short or curt with your partner
Criticize aspects of your relationship
Criticize the way your partner tried to initiate sex
Give your partner the silent treatment
____ is frequently cited as one of the most distressing negative events ever experienced when adults look back over their lives
end of important romantic relationship
Face-to-face breakups are mostly likely to occur when the level of intimacy between partners is ______,
high
Describe five ways to reject a sexual advance from a partner while still maintaining relationship satisfaction.
Reassure your partner that you are attracted to them
Reassure your partner that you love them
Offer alternative forms of physical contact
Offer to make it up in the future
Try to talk with your partner instead of not
What are some of the ways that good sexual communication improves sexual satisfaction?
Help ensure that sexual partners have equal rights to genuine pleasure and to overcome the incompatibilities that they will inevitably experience in their sexual relationships
Can help overcome sexual incompatibility
Describe the two types of sexual talk that often happen during sexual activity.
Mutualistic Talk
Other focused: relates to sharing sexual experience
Individualistic Talk
Self Focused: relates to own pleasure
Gazing behaviour
Direction and amount of eye contact
Purpose: Signals interest or affection (e.g., consistent eye contact in a social setting may signal interest)
Mutual empathy
Underlying knowledge that each partner in a relationship cares for the other and knows that the care is reciprocated
Constructive Complaint Strategies
Motivation: Be aware of your intentions (don’t project)
Timing: Choose the right time and place for the complaint
One Complaint at a Time: Focus on one issue and include positives
Express Negative Emotions Appropriately: Be mindful of how you communicate your feelings
Realistic Expectations: Expect gradual improvement (baby steps)
How to React to Complaints
Pause Before Reacting: It’s okay to take a moment
Empathize: Show understanding and paraphrase (e.g., “I see that you’re struggling…”)
Acknowledge the Complaint: Recognize the issue and find something to agree with
Ask Questions: Clarify and show interest in the other person’s perspective
Use “I” Language: Express your feelings appropriately
Focus on the Future: Discuss potential changes moving forward
Leveling
Being specific, simple, and direct with your message.
Editing
Making adjustments to ensure clarity and focus in the message.
Gottman’s research shows what
couples who argue constructively tend to have stronger relationships over time.
Criticism
attack on person rather than issue
Contempt
Shows disrespect or disgust (e.g., eyerolls, sarcasm).
Defensiveness
Responding to criticism or contempt by defending oneself, often using “never/always” language to justify actions.
Stonewalling
One partner shuts down and stops responding to communication, acting like a “stonewall.”
Belligerence
One partner responds aggressively and refuses to make changes, which often leads to polarization and increases conflict.
