chapter 10, 1, 2, 3 Flashcards
what is accomodation (lose-win)
- low concern for self, high concern for others
- (lose-win): giving into others rather than asserting your own point of view
An approch to conflict that involves entirely giving in to others rather than asserting your own point of view
MY EX: “Go listen to that new album, it’s your speaker. I will just go to my room and read”
what is avoidance (lose-lose)
- low concern for others, low concern for self
- Lose-lose: choosing not to confront
An approach to conflict in which people choose not to confront an issue directly: avoidance can be physical or conversational
MY EX: “My friend and I don’t like to argue so we will not discus the issues”
what is collaboration
- high concern for self, high concern for others
- win-win solutions to conflict: seeking a solutions that satisfies the needs of everyone involved without compromise
An approach to resolving conflict that requires participants to show concern for both themselves and others
MY EX: my friend and I brainstorm all different solutions together, she will have the basement and listen to her music as loud as she wants, and I will be all the way upstairs in my room reading and being able to concentrate
what is competition (win-lose)
- high concern for self, low concern for others
- win-lose: seeking to resolve the conflict your way using either passive aggression or direct agression
An approach to conflict that involves seeking a favourable solution only for yourself
MY EX: “My friend tries to tell me listening to music will lead to more relaxation, But I try stating that I rather read and gain more knowledge then listening to music”
what is compromise
- moderate concern for self, moderate concern for others
An approach to conflict resolution in which both people attain at least part of what they want through self-sacrifice - gives all people at least some of what they want, although it involves everyone sacrificing part of their goals.
- MY EX: we both agree to our differences my friend can listen to music as much as she wants because its her speaker, and I can enjoy my reading time because that’s what I want to do
what is conflict
An expressed struggle between at least two interdependent people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce reward, and interference from the other person in achieving their goals
- MY EX: I WANNA GO TO A CAFÉ, BUT MY BEST FRIEND WANTS TO GO TO A BAR. THEREFORE, WE’RE ARGUING ABOUT WHERE WE WANT TO GO.
what is complementary conflict
the use by partners in a conflict of different, but mutually reinforcing behaviour
MY EX: my friend complains that I don’t spend enough time with her, that makes me annoyed, therefore, I distance myself even more
what is conflict rituals
Repeating patterns of interlocking conflict beaviour
(MY EX: having a fight with my friend, I leave, then I feel guilty about the problem and go back and apologize on my part. But this fight can happen again)
what is escalatory spiral
If both partners treat one another with matching hostility, one threat or insult leads to another
what is passive aggression
An indirect expression of aggression delivered in a way that allows the sender to maintain a facade of kindness
- occurs when a communicator expresses their dissatisfaction in a disguised manner
(MY EX: Go ahead, enjoy the party without me, I will do all the chores myself (ugh). Have fun for me)
what is serial argument
A repetitive conflict about the same issue
(MY EX: Oh my goodness, why are we talking about this AGAIN!)
what is stonewalling
feed off one another and can develop into destructive, repeating patterns.
(MY EX: My friend likes to roll her eyes at others weird remarks and won’t make eye contact.)
what is symmetrical conflict
The use of the same tactics by both partners in a conflict
MY EX: MY FRIEND RAISES HER CONCERNS, ASSERTIVELY, THEREFORE, I WILL RESPOND BY EXPLAINING MY CONCERNS IN THE SAME MANNER WITH BOTH OF US, NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS OF AGGRESSION
what is win-win problem solving
the goal is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved.
(MY EX: “We both agree that sharing the living room is the best solution”
What is expressed struggle
An expressed struggle does not have to be verbal. You can show your displeasure with someone without saying a word. A dirty look, the silent treatment, and avoiding the other person are all ways of expressing yourself
(MY EX: I don’t want to talk to them because of what they did to me, so I am going to avoiding them
what is perceived scarce resources
occurs when people believe there are not enough resources, such astime, money, affection and space to go around.
(My EX: What am I going to do, if there is not enough time?!
what is interdependence
people in a conflict are dependent upon each other. The welfare and satisfaction of one depends on the actions of another
- Many conflicts remain unresolved because the people fail to understand, accept, and acknowledge their interdependence
what is inevitability
Conflicts are bound to happen, even in the best relationships.
(MY EX: if I turn away for the purpose of avoiding direct communition, I am sending a non-verbal message of disapproval
what is perceived incompatible goals
The goals in this situation really aren’t completely incompatible—solutions do exist that allow both people to get what they want.
- All conflicts look as if one person’s gain would be another’s loss
what is direct aggression
attack the position and dignity of the receiver
what is “The Situation”
When someone clearly has more power than you, non-assertion may be the best approach
- can shape communication in conflict
ex: if a mangers tell you to apply the document now, you should do it without question
what is “The Other Person”
- sometimes people are not interested in collaboration
- some people are competitive that even for minor issues they put winning ahead of the well-being of their relationships
(MY EX:I had a well orginzaed plan but my friend didn’t care to listen to it)
what is “Your Goals”
- When you want to solve a problem, it’s generally good to be assertive
- there are other reasons for communicating in a conflict.
- your overriding goal might be to calm down an enraged or upset person.
- your moral principles might demand an aggressive statement even though it might not get you what you originally sought
(MY EX: I had enough of you teasing me all the time. I have explain to you why I don’t like them yet. You constantly make them, I’m done with this friendship)
what are the factors to consider before deciding which conflict style to use?
- The other person
- Your goals
- the situation
what is de-escalatory spiral
- If the partners both withdraw from one another instead of facing their problems, a problematic
- partners use the same behaviours; can lead to escalatory and de-escalatory conflict spirals; can lead to posi- tive outcomes, too.
what is toxic conflict “The Four Horsemen”
- Criticism: These are attacks on a person’s character - MY “Your so careless- you never think about your surroundings”
- defensiveness: is a reaction that aims to protect one’s presenting self by denying responsibility (Your wild - I can never do that) and counterattacking (MY Your horrible then I am)
- contempt: A contemptuous comment belittles and demeans. It can take the form of name-calling putdowns or sarcastic barbs. (MY”Your a real heartbreak”)
- Can also be non-verbally through dramatic - Stonewalling: occurs when one person in a relationship withdraws from the interaction, shutting down dialogue and any chance of resolving the problem in a mutually satisfactory way MY”you are irrelevant”
what are the 2 variables in conflict styles
gender and culture
what in gender in the matter of conflict styles
- women and men approach conflict differently
- Across a variety of cultures, boys have been observed to engage in more direct, overt, physical aggression than girls
- across several cultures, girls have been observed to engage in more relational aggression; things such as gossiping and excluding others, as opposed to shouting, name calling, and physic- ally fighting
what in culture in the matter of conflict styles
- People from most cultures prefer mutually beneficial resolutions to disagreements whenever possible
- the ways in which people communicate during conflicts do vary from one culture to another
- Cultures differ in their orientation toward disagreement, (is it to be agreed or argued)
rapport management and the preserving of face (how major is It to keep a relationship maintenance?)
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what are the steps for a win-win approach
- works best when it follows the seven steps described here
1. Define your needs: begin by deciding what you want or need
2. share your needs with other person: two guidelines to keep in mind. FIRST: First, be sure to choose a time and place that is suitable SECOND, use the descriptive “I” language , In a tense situation, however, it may not be easy to start sharing your needs. The goal here is to build rapport, establish common ground, and perhaps pick up information
3. Listen to the other persons needs: find out what the other person wants and needs, a good time to engage in paraphrasing, both to make sure the other person has been heard and to draw out additional information.
4. Generate Possible solutions: you and your partner try to think of as many ways to satisfy both your needs as possible. You can do so by brainstorming
5. Evaluate the passible solutions and choose the best one: is after they all have been generated, after you and your partner feel you’ve exhausted all the possibilities.
6. Implement the solution: he time comes to try it out to see if it does indeed satisfy everyone’s needs.
7. Follow up on the solution: As time passes and people and circumstances change, a particular solution may lose its effectiveness or even become more effective. THIS IS WHY FOLLOW UP IS IMPORTANT
What is the 4 parts of conflict
- Expressed: behaviour must be involved, some sort of action can be verbal or non-verbal
- Interdependent: at least two parties must be involved for a conflict to occur
interdependence does NOT infer equality-it means that each party/group/person has something that the other needs and thus conflict occurs because the two parties need each other and there is reason to believe that this need will not be met - Perceive: critical elements of a conflict situation (Possible to have a conflict arise because of the way someone selected, orginzed, and interpreted information)
- Opposition: is inherent in conflict- A tension that arisies when goals or actions are seen as incompatible
what are the major causes of conflict
- sometimes conflicts arise when there aren’t incompatible interests, there is just a perception that there is
- Other times when incompatible interests exist, conflict does not
- conflict requires more than just incompatible interests.
what is the faulty attributes
- Observing someone behaving in a certain manner, makes us judge about the cause of their behaviors
- We make internal attributions (they are behaving that way because of something inside that person)
- external attributions (behavior caused by something outside the person)
what is faulty communication
- Sometimes conflicts arise because of the way information is presented and does not involve actual incompatible interests.
- Sometimes we unintentionally set up defensive situations because of the way we communicate. This increases the risk of a conflict
what is a personality characteristics
Sometimes conflict arises because of the fact that our personalities clash with another person’s
overt expression
- Is straightforward and out in the open
- Two people could be crying to each other or talking claiming about a problem in a normal manner
- Physical aggression is one way of overtly expressing or behaving in a conflict situation
what is convert expression
- NOT OPEN AND STRAIGHTFORWARD
- Not often recognized or acknowledged by one of the parties involved
- Silence is a covert expression in a conflict situation
- Expressing yourself in an indirect fashion, you are using a covert method of expression
- Passive aggression is a very common way of covertly expression in a conflict situation and can have very negative implications for the successful resolution of a conflict.
what is assertive messages
- isn’t the same as being able to deliver one.
- requires both patience and practice
- Take your time to work through the five necessary components as discussed
- you need to deliver the message YOUR way
- This is the type of message that is highly context dependent
what do you need to consider in a relationship
- you need to consider the ‘power’ balance within a relationship
- consider how much you value the relationship and if you will need the relationship to exist in the future.
- If valued consider collaboration before competition or compromise
- If NOTE VALUED you will not need to maintain this relationship in the future, then competition may be more appropriate.
what is lose–lose problem solving
An approach to conflict resolution in which neither party achieves its goals.
what is the liner model of communication
- allows people to gain info and organize it in a simple way
- WITH THIS MODLE NO ONE CAN BE BOTH A SENDER AND A RECIVER
- THE SENDER: ransmits a message through a channel or channels to a receiver
- THE CHANNEL: any method of transmitting the message such as oral (talking) or email or phone or smell etc.; MAKE SURE TO CHOSE THE RIGHT ONE
-NOISE: ANYTHING that disrupts the transmission of a message.
what are the different types of noises
- Physiological noise: Hearing or vision issues Articulation issues (when a speaker has a an accent; Biological issues – hunger or pain.
- Physical noise: External noise from the environment (truck driving)
- Psychological noise: the beliefs you have, the prejudices and insecurities you have
- Semantic noise: a sender and a receiver apply different meanings to the same word or message
what is the difference between a transactional model of communication and a linear model
-Transaction- no longer refer to a sender and a receiver; instead we use the term communicator
-Communicators are both senders and receivers at the same time
what is Transactional Model of Communication
- is to build shared sustained meaning, this is done by cooperation and participation of all members in a communication situation
- It is crucial to take into account every component of a message because, once delivered, it may affect following communications as well as potential understandings of earlier messages.
what is context (environment)
- consider context when sending or receiving a message
- may determine how a communication should be interpreted.
- The correct consideration of context may eliminate, or at least reduce, the experience of noise.
what is physical context
- physical environment where communication occurs, eg:a classroom, OR coffee shop etc
- Includes the environmental conditions eg: the size of a room, the lighting in a room
what is cultural context
- culture (and sub-culture) has very different rules / norms for communication.
- Understanding the difference in cultural context, evaluate the success of a communication effort and maybe the contrast between knowledge and misunderstanding.
