Attraction and Intimacy: Part 2 Flashcards
Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure is a critical factor in forming and maintaining close relationships. It builds closeness and intimacy, forming the foundation of deep connections. One effective method for fostering self-disclosure is the Fast Friends Procedure, which encourages individuals to share personal information at a slow and increasing rate, leveraging the reciprocity norm to deepen intimacy.
Self-disclosure is beneficial not only for relationships but also for the individual. Sharing personal experiences and thoughts makes us feel good about ourselves and fosters connection.
Fast Friends Self-Disclosure Questions
Set 1:
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Set 2:
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
What is your most treasured memory?
Additional Prompts:
Complete the sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Tell your partner something that you already like about them.
Attachment Styles
Attachment styles influence how individuals form and maintain relationships. Understanding these styles helps explain different approaches to intimacy, commitment, and relationship maintenance.
Commitment
Commitment is the subjective sense that a relationship must continue. It involves:
A strong intention to persist in the relationship
A long-term orientation toward the involvement
A psychological attachment to the partner
The opposite of ambivalence
Rusbult’s Investment Model of Commitment
Commitment is influenced by three main factors:
Satisfaction: Positive feelings and fulfillment from the relationship.
Quality of Alternatives: The availability of other potential partners or barriers to leaving the relationship.
Investments: What has been put into the relationship, such as time, emotions, and shared experiences.
Applying the Investment Model: Why Do Abused Women Stay?
Factors influencing commitment in abusive relationships:
Satisfaction and positive feelings
Quality of alternatives: Less education, lower income, lack of resources such as transportation and employment
Investments: Marriage, relationship length, and children
Relationship Dissolution
40% of Canadian marriages end in divorce
Factors that increase the chances of staying together:
Married after age 20
Grew up in stable, two-parent homes
Dated for a long time before marriage
Well and similarly educated
Stable income and employment
Did not cohabit before marriage
Religious commitment
Similar age, faith, and education
Partner Perception: Realism vs. Idealism
Partners tend to see each other’s strengths as stronger and weaknesses as less severe.
Positive illusions predict greater satisfaction, love, trust, and less conflict in relationships
However, extreme positive illusions may lead to ignoring serious problems.
Two dominant beliefs about relationships:
Destiny (Soulmate View): Belief that true love happens effortlessly and is meant to be.
Growth (Work-It-Out View): Belief that relationships require effort and adaptability.
Coping with Relationship Stressors:
Destiny: Tends to lead to distancing behavior and lack of effort in repairing conflicts.
Growth: Encourages active coping, reinterpretation of events positively, and engagement in problem-solving.
Partner Attributions
Bad behavior: Attributed to external factors (situational explanations)
Good behavior: Attributed to internal factors (partner’s character)
Self-Esteem and Relationship Perceptions
People with low self-esteem (LSE) tend to believe they are less liked and cared for, despite objective evidence suggesting otherwise.
LSE individuals:
Take negative events personally
Do not internalize positive events
Are oversensitive to rejection and slow to perceive acceptance
Risk Regulation Theory
Balancing self-protection goals with connection goals:
Conflict: LSE individuals engage in defensive behaviors that harm relationship well-being.
Positive feedback (compliments): Often rejected or minimized by LSE individuals.
Helping LSE Individuals Accept Positive Feedback
Use subtle care signals (e.g., “How was your day?” rather than direct praise).
Encourage recall of past compliments in meaningful ways:
- Describe the event in detail (where, when, what was said).
- Explain why the partner admired them and its significance.
Gottman’s Four Horsemen of Relationship Destruction
Criticism: Attacking character rather than behavior.
Contempt: Communicating disgust through sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling.
Defensiveness: Shifting blame rather than addressing concerns.
Stonewalling: Withdrawing and shutting down communication.
Healthy couples balance negative interactions with five positive interactions for every one negative (5:1 ratio), whereas unhappy couples have a 0.8:1 ratio.
Positive Relationship Behaviors
Engage in novel and exciting activities together to boost relationship satisfaction.
Capitalization: Sharing positive news and receiving an enthusiastic response fosters relationship well-being.
Self-disclosure in group settings feels more meaningful.
Maintain other relationships to avoid over-reliance on a single partner for all emotional needs.
Relationship Dissolution and Coping with Breakups
People tend to overestimate how distressed they will feel post-breakup.
Greater distress if:
They were deeply in love
They did not expect to enter a new relationship soon
They did not initiate the breakup
Psychological Immune System:
People naturally make sense of and reduce the emotional impact of negative events over time.
Those in love focus on their partner’s strengths due to positive illusions, which can help or hinder coping.
Conclusion
Attraction, intimacy, commitment, and perception all play significant roles in relationship dynamics. Understanding these factors can help individuals navigate relationships more effectively, build stronger connections, and manage relationship stressors and dissolution more healthily.
