Art of Manipulation Flashcards
Six steps to unargue technique
i. Try to become friends. Make the person you want to manipulate like you.
ii. Listen, listen, listen. Hear out his objection to your ideas.
iii. Agree with his feelings and massage his ego out of the way.
iv. Point out areas of agreement. Appeal to common values.
v. Overcome his objections by stating your case right.
1. Use either the “nine out of ten” tactic or the three-step approach as you state your case.
2. Add the disclaimer of need at the end of your persuasion
vi. Save face for the manipulatee every chance you get.
a. Character types to watch out for
Hint : 5 types
i. Watch out for those who “protest” too much
ii. When he person tells you “several times” that you can “trust” him, or if he tells you how much he is going to do for you, panic & run
iii. Degree of “consistency” is a man’s gauge of honesty
iv. Beware of people who “once had money” but lost it
v. “ Person who emphasizes details and fails to take care of the most important things first can only fail in the business world. “
How to make Slave out of a Person ?
What made you think being good to people all the time will ever get you what you want ?
i. Intermittent reinforcement is the strongest motivator for getting the behavior you want
ii. When we get reinforcement every time (i.e. they treat us well every time we interact with them), we begin to take that person for granted a little
1. People take for granted what they know they can have
iii. People “want what they cannot have”
iv. Intermittent reinforcement applies to your love life
v. “Specific Steps” to take advantage of the fact that human beings want what they cannot have
a. You have to set up pattern of re-inforcement by giving your manipulatee something he wants (in choosing correct reinforcement you need to figure out what would thrill the person the most)
b. Withdraw it, and watch the person come under your control as he struggles to have the reinforcement stored
World is rife with Favoritism - What to do ?
Hint : 2 things
He knows he has to cultivate friendship with people who control his career or find himself stagnated. There is tendency to help our friends. Exploiting this human trait is one of your best tactics of moving ahead in business jungle.
b. Smile : smiling “during” and “after” I said something that merited a smile by looking the person “in the eye”
c. “Flattery” executed with shrewd subtlety
i. Share something he said has helped you
ii. Ask how he got into his business or career, then listen
1. Anyone you meet the first time, ask them what do they for a living and how they got into that career
What is Essence of Manipulation ?
I don’t need you, You need me.
b. Person with upper hand in any situation is the one who can afford to walk away from the deal if its not to his liking, or the one who can “make” the other person “think” he can walk away. Person who can’t do this won’t get what he wants out of a deal
i. If you can “make him believe” that you don’t need him to do things your way nearly as badly as he needs it, you have put his human nature on your side
c. Devise ways to convey to the people you deal with the notion that “they need you” , rather than vice versa
d. Keep your nut small so you will be able to use this tactic
i. If strapped by large expense, using this might be difficult
e. Silence says I don’t need you
f. Risk you take
i. There are few people who award their favours, money or friendship to people they think need their help
How can meek manipulate the earth ?
Hint : 3 ways
Never know much and you ll get further
Advantages of meekness
i. People like a person who seems to know less than they do. And as a result, they help him succeed
ii. Be meek and eat more crow. It costs far less per serving than discord does
a. Hollywood vs Reality : Human nature decrees that people will retaliate for the injuries they suffer
iii. Eating crow begets eating crow
How to pick a person apart and Discover his real motives and feelings ?
Hint : 2 ways
a. Asking wouldn’t get you a straight answer
i. Basic idea is to “surprise” the person with “direct” question, then zero in on his “uncontrollable immediate reaction”. For the first three seconds after you surprise a person with your question, he can’t possibly mask his true feelings
ii. Look your subject “straight in the eyes”, spring the direct question, then focus on the instant expression that spreads over the area around his eyes and upper cheekbones (maybe nose as well)
eg : Mom does it
b. How to determine person’s real motive
i. Before you can wrestle a person's innermost thoughts from him, you have to ask your questions shrewdly.
- First, ask him why he won't do things your way and listen to him explain his noble motive.
- With that out of the way, spear for the truth by countering with, "Is there any reason in addition to that?"
The Guernsey vs Brahma - The Difference ?
a. Why a positive attitude is like a Gigolo
b. Persistence in the face of defeat is the cloth that success in life is cut from.
i. In business, where the big ones eat the little ones/ dog-eat-dog world, the ability to rebound from adversity often determines who succeeds and who fails.
ii. Never confuse persistence with a positive attitude.
How persistence differs from positive attitude in three ways ?
Differs in three fundamental ways.
- Being “too” positive comes across as strong and positive and arouses a person’s “suspicion” which works against you
- Positive attitude makes it dangerous for you.
a. Believe it and become convinced of your ultimate success. And when you become certain that you’ll succeed, you “begin to worry” that any little misstep you take may blow the whole deal. It’s like carrying a basket of eggs. You’re uptight, inflexible, and afraid to take risks lest you undo your all-but-clenched success. - Greatest difference shows up when the going gets tough.
a. You can decide to be persistent and carry out your decision when you encounter failure. But you cannot decide to have a positive attitude and maintain it when you’re hit by failure.
Three steps for high perseverance
- Decide what you want and resolve not to quit until you get it.
- Prepare for the possibility of failure. Mentally accept the consequences of failure. Then pull out the stops and do everything in your power to avoid that failure.
- Vow to learn something from every defeat through self-examination.
Positive attitude in group setting vs individual
The power of the positive attitude just doesn’t
translate from the group to the individual.
A team player is just required to carry out a few basic tasks, which require only momentary effort and minimal judgment.
Individual success demands months or years of sustained effort-rather than only four quarters of emotionally charged exertion.
But even more importantly, for an individual to get
what he wants out of the world, he has to exercise superior judgment.
How to manipulate a person’s thinking ?
Hint - 3 techniques
i. Rule of Thumb 1: Only manipulate your friends.
ii. Rule of Thumb 2 : Lets sleeping dogs lie if they don’t affect your vital interests
iii. Rule of Thumb 3 : Unargue technique
Who to manipulate ?
i. It’s all in who says it
ii. We can only be persuaded by those we like and respect. Who says it is more important than what is said.
iii. It’s time you either made a friend out of the guy or dropped the whole relationship.
Know whose mind you can change and when it’s better to shut up
How to win 95% of your arguments ?
Lets sleeping dogs lie if they don’t affect your vital interests
i. By “your vital interests,” I mean that you should only disagree on subjects that affect your mental, physical, or financial well-being, or the well-being of those you care about.
ii. Debates fester into arguments. No matter how friendly you begin a debate, the other guy will inevitably take a jab at your personality and intelligence- and set your temper on fire when he does. When your bruised ego begins to brood over the argument, it only burns you up inside.
iii. Choosing your disagreements
1. By only disagreeing with “people who like you” (Rule I) on only the issues that “affect your vital interests”. (Rule 2), you fight just the remaining battles. And these are the essential ones. This final total should be only a small percentage of the disagreements you’re tempted to enter.
2. how to win ninety five percent of your arguments. By avoiding an argument, you win it.
iv. Where to go from here
1. By using manipulation, you outwit your quarry rather than try to shove your ideas down his throat via debate.
2. But you can learn a technique for manipulating a person against his will and making him like it. I did, and I call this technique “Unargue.”
