Act I Flashcards
Janice: “Better take cover, inspector: the hoards are about to arrive….”
(A)
Dawn and Jasper enter the restaurant, singing the last line of ‘Can you hear the people sing?’ from Les Mis, loudly
Dawn: “Hi sis, liking the cozzie: She looks awesome, doesn’t she, Jazz?”
“Yeah, digging the crustacean vibe, Han….”
Hannah: “Glad you like it, where’s yours?”
“Our what, Han?”
Dawn: “Hi sis, liking the cozzie: She looks awesome, doesn’t she, Jazz?”
Jasper: ???
Hannah: “Glad you like it, where’s yours?”
Jasper: ???
Dawn: “Hi sis, liking the cozzie: She looks awesome, doesn’t she, Jazz?”
Jasper: “Yeah, digging the crustacean vibe, Han….”
Hannah: “Glad you like it, where’s yours?”
Jasper: “Our what, Han?”
Dawn: “And proud of it! Come on, Jazz, let’s ditch this loser….sorry, ‘lobster’ and find our spot….See you never, Sis!”
(A)
Dawn and Jasper head to their table, and Hannah heads to hers
Quentin: “You don’t mind if I join the ‘fun’ table, do you, children?”
“Knock yourself out, Mr P….”
Quentin: “…..If they say what they really thought, the reviewer would be dragged from their home and lynched in the town square. It’s a shame, really….”
“Why’d you say that, Mr P?”
Quentin: “….One requires constructive criticism so that one may hone one’s dramatic skills, and achieve perfection…”
“So, you’re saying there’s no such thing as a bad review, Mr P, even if it slags off the show?”
Sarcastic, knowingly taking the piss out of him, with Dawn
Dawn: “You’re wrong there, Quentin: They’ve hired some bloke to review all the local stuff - am-dram, pro, the lot….they’re calling him ‘The Secret Reviewer…”
(A & S)
Jasper passes over a newspaper
“He’s going to be like one of those people they send into shops to assess the service, or one of those restaurant critics which no one knows who they are…”
On reading the review in the paper
Quentin: “…If not entirely all, of its rampant inadequacy…No wonder she’s upset: I almost feel sorry for her……almost…”
Sarcastic
“He liked your performance, though..”
Quentin reading the theatre review in the paper
Quentin: “…If not entirely all, of its rampant inadequacy…No wonder she’s upset: I almost feel sorry for her……almost…”
Jasper: ???
Quentin: “Did he now?….”
Dawn: “Yeah, he loved it….See there…”
Jasper: ????
Quentin: “…If not entirely all, of its rampant inadequacy…No wonder she’s upset: I almost feel sorry for her……almost…”
Jasper: “He liked your performance, though..”
Quentin: “Did he now?….”
Dawn: “Yeah, he loved it….See there…”
Jasper: “Under where it says Wilhelmina was more wooden than the coffin they carried her off in…”
To be said sarcastically
Whilst reading the review in the paper with Quentin
Dawn: “Yeah, he loved it….See there…”
“Under where it says Wilhelmina was more wooden than the coffin they carried her off in…”
Dawn: “You Okay, Quentin?”
Say sarcastically
“What are you getting so upset about? He thought you were good: Comparing you to Brian Blessed? That guy is an absolute legend!…..’Gordon’s Alive?!’”
Quentin: “That man is a philistine! Secret Reviewer?! That illiterate hack is not fit to review a garden fete, much less an actor’s performance…”
“Yeah, but Mr P, like you said, it’s only one person’s opinion, right? I mean, what does ‘he’ know? You should see what he wrote about me….”
Sarcastic at start, bitter at end; emphasise the ‘What does HE know?”
Dawn: “You Okay, Quentin?”
Jasper: ????
Quentin: “That man is a philistine! Secret Reviewer?! That illiterate hack is not fit to review a garden fete, much less an actor’s performance…”
Jasper: ????
Say sarcastically
Dawn: “You Okay, Quentin?”
Jasper: “What are you getting so upset about? He thought you were good: Comparing you to Brian Blessed? That guy is an absolute legend!…..’Gordon’s Alive?!’”
Quentin: “That man is a philistine! Secret Reviewer?! That illiterate hack is not fit to review a garden fete, much less an actor’s performance…”
Jasper: “Yeah, but Mr P, like you said, it’s only one person’s opinion, right? I mean, what does ‘he’ know? You should see what he wrote about me….”
Sarcastic at start, bitter at end; emphasise the ‘What does HE know?”
Dawn: “Yeah, what does ‘quintessentially abysmal’ mean?”
Quentin: “Right!”
Quentin stands and heads for the Gent’s toilets with the newspaper
“Where are you going, Mr P?”
Fred: Oh, no? Alright, hands up anyone who thinks Dawn there will be buried in a Y-shaped coffin?”
A & W
Everyone except Dawn and the Inspector raise their hand
Dawn: “Jazz!?”
Jasper: “That’s why I love you, babe….”
Syrupy, unconvincing?
Dawn: “Awww, you say the nicest things…”
Dawn moves in for a snog and gives the middle finger to the crew
Dawn: “Jazz!?”
Jasper: ????
Dawn: “Awww, you say the nicest things…”
Dawn: “Jazz!?”
Jasper: “That’s why I love you, babe….”
Syrupy, unconvincing?
Dawn: “Awww, you say the nicest things…”
Dawn moves in for a snog and gives the middle finger to the crew
Anna: “….My fellow thespians, I’d like to propose a toast….to a new, brighter, Regina-less future for SAD, and a Valium-free life for me!”
A
Everyone else hesitates, but Anna drains her glass
