Act 3 Flashcards
D: She’s gone. Didn’t even look back.
Some crook you are - stealing a roll of wallpaper instead of that Dutch masterpiece.
D: All right - so it wasn’t the missing “Mallard and Apple.” Everybody makes mistakes. Even Adam and Eve.
At least they knew an apple when they saw it.
D: And who was it stuck her hand in a rat trap?
Look - let’s not stop to bicker here - we can do that at home. We want to find that damned Vanderdam
D: Then you start upstairs - room by room - and I’ll start in the basement.
If you find it - don’t you dare go off and leave me holding the sack.
D: Do you think I’d do that to you?
For seventy-five thousand dollars you’d do it to your grandmother.
D: That’s not a basement. It’s the Smithsonian Museum - with dust. Why not? I can use the energy.
[tap on shoulder]
D: Don’t DO that! I’ve got a weak bladder.
She’s here.
D: Who’s here?
Opal. She came back.
D: Where is she?
Upstairs. I saw her just in time and hid. Then I waited and came down the stairs.
D: Did she see you?
Not unless she’s got eyes in the back of her head - which I doubt.
D: What’ll we do?
Hit her over the head with something.
D: What! A teabag?
She must have an old tire iron or tennis racket. Look! Isn’t that a baseball bat?
D: I don’t know. I never played.
It’s a bat.
D: And she’s a bat. They belong together.
Can you do it?
D: For seventy-five thousand I’d play ball with the devil.
We’ll hide here and when she passes, crack down.
D: I wish I’d played ball when I was a kid. I wouldn’t be so nervous.
Were you too poor?
D: No, I was a sissy.
You can’t miss. Her head is bigger than a baseball - and twice as dense.
O: Well, look who’s here. Fer heaven’s sake, I never heard you come in. I mus’ be gittin’ deaf too. Come in - come in. Glad to see you folks. I wuz wonderin’ whin you’d come back.
Oh, we - we were out this way and thought we’d drop in.
D: We wanted to explain yesterday. Queenie became suddenly ill and we couldn’t wake you - you were such a convincing Juliet
Such reality! Such truth!
O: Well it wuz mighty kind of you to leave that note an the ten bucks. Set down an have a piece of cake.
Well, we only have a few minutes. Did you say you were just going out?
O: Well, not now I got guests. I’ll wait till you folks havta go first.
Oh, don’t let us detain you.
D: How very kind of you. It hits me - here.
What is it?
O: It’s somepin’ you ain’t never seen before an’ even when you see it you ain’t gonna believe it.
This delay is killing me.
O: I hope I ain’t holdin’ you folks up.
Oh not at all. We intend to stay with you.
D: We’re counting on that.
Oh, don’t tell me there’s a box in that box.
O: Well, this is it. Here you are!
A pin cushion?
O: But lookie there. This one’s got a pin in it. One pin.
We’ve been help up by a pin.
O: Oh, but you never seen a pin like this. You know whats writ on the head of this pin? The Lord’s Prayer. But you gotta have a magnifying glass to read it.
How can anyone write the Lord’s Prayer on the head of a pin!
O: Lord’s prayer et al…….Ain’t that wonderful? An yore such sech wonderful folks yourselves, I want you to have it as a present. Lemme git you some string to tie the boxes.
Why didn’t you hit her?
D: While she’s saying the Lord’s Prayer? God would strike me dead
Well, if He doesn’t - I will.
D: I may be an actor but I’ve got some scruples
When we’ve got that seventy-five thousand is plenty of time for scruples.
D: Stop getting nervous. You’re making me nervous.
Give me the bat - I’ll do it.
O: Oh, I see you found that famous bat. Belonged to Joe DiMaggio. You heard of him?
Yes. He knew how to hit.
O: You play baseball?
He just took it up.
O: Well in that case, I’ll make you a present of the bat too. You kin practice.
He needs it.
O: You mean that dead duck?
Yes. “Mallard and Apple.”
O: Well - you know - it’s a funny thing about that “pitchure” I wuz saving it fer my friend’s birthday but she bust right into tears. Reminded her of a pet duck she once had. You’d a thought I done it on purpose to make her unhappy. Almos’ threw it back in my face.
You mean - it’s available?
D: Four hundred.
O: No - I ain’t gonna let nobody make no crook outa me.
Three hundred
O: The good Lord would strike me dead.
One hundred
D: Seventy five dollars
Fifty
D: Twenty five and that’s our lowest bid.
Fifteen
O: You folks don’t understand. When you’re young you got a lot of different passions pulling you this way an that. But as a body gets older an more sensible, all them passions ain’t as strong - except one - greed. Well, since I never had it when I was young - it’s a little late for me to start supportin’ a new vice at my age.
But you don’t understand, either. We want to make you happy.
O: Well in that case - I ain’t got no choice but to let you have it fer fifteen, though it ain’t worth two
You will??
O: I give you my word, didn’t I? An I never take a word of mine back unless it’s a swear word.
Desmond - give her the fifteen, quick. We’ve got it. We’ve got it. It’s ours!
O: I hope you folks realize you’re gettin’ the most expensive duck you’ll ever buy
Oh we do…..we do.
O: Why that shows in your face, Mister…both of you. But I’ll take the quarter anyhow for luck.
I want you to know, you’ve made us very happy thespians, Opal.
O: Jes so you never have to eat crow.
Au revoir. That’s French for goodbye
