Act 2 Flashcards
1
Q
D: Miss Kronkie?
A
Opal? She’s probably upstairs
2
Q
D: What do you suppose she’s doing?
A
Peeling lizards.
3
Q
O: Who?
A
The thespians.
4
Q
O: Oh. Well, make yourselves a cup of tea. Sugar’s in a tin can marked moth balls. I’ll be right down. Help yourselves.
A
Tea! I’d just as soon drink bat milk.
5
Q
D: Where do you suppose the picture is?
A
Oh, probably buried in the basement with several corpses.
6
Q
D: Now don’t be pessimistic, dear. We have a fool proof plan.
A
At least we’ve got a plan and we’ve certainly got the fool.
7
Q
D: And it’s going to work.
A
Do you know how many drops to use? After all - we don’t want to risk killing her. Not for fifty thousand.
8
Q
D: The reward has been raised to seventy-five.
A
Oh, well that’s different.
9
Q
D: And my cousin told me just how many drops will knock her out. Remember - he used to be a bartender.
A
Q: If it works -we’ll buy him a bloody mary.
10
Q
D: The hard part will be to convince her that we really want to make an actress of her.
A
Q: That’s the easiest part. Everybody thinks they can act. Even actresses.
11
Q
D: Once we’ve tricked her into thinking she could be an actress - we’ll have to act out Juliet’s death scene where she has to take poison. I’ll put some drops in her tea and knock her out while we search for the Van Von Vanderdam
A
It sounds simple. I only hope she falls for it.
12
Q
D: Quiet - she’s coming back. Do you think I had on too much makeup last night?
A
It doesn’t matter, dear, when I’m onstage. Oh Look a dead fox tail.
13
Q
Opal: Oh well, I wouldn’t let that bother me none. You know how people talk.
A
Opal, dear - we’re so glad to see you again. You’ve done something to your hair, haven’t you?
14
Q
O: No, just combed it. How’s your ankle (leg??)
A
Oh, it only hurts when I walk on it. Look - I’ve brought you some posies.
15
Q
O: Look like tulips to me.
A
They are. I hope you like them.
16
Q
O: Why, they ain’t plastic, neither.
A
Of course not! We wouldn’t want anything false in our friendship.
17
Q
O: Trouble, sometimes. Unless they don’t care about it. And they’s very few of them left. Well whadda ya know - a water pitcher for flowers.
A
It’s a vase for the flowers.
18
Q
O: Vahz?
A
When it’s pure crystal -it’s “vahz”
19
Q
O: Well how about that, pure crystal.
A
Like you, Opal. Without a flaw.
20
Q
O: An’ I jes wish I could hug em all
A
Oh, by the way, Opal, what did you do with that duck picture?
21
Q
O: Oh, I put it away where I wouldn’t forget it. It ain’t that I forget that’s agravatin’! It’s that I forgit what I forgot.
A
You know, Opal, we’ve been thinking about you constantly. Someone like you, who’s such a unique character, really belongs in the theater. I’ve never seen a face with so. much. character.
22
Q
O: Well, whin yore born ugly, character is about all you got goin’ for you. Unless you got money. Want some tea?
A
Thank you, no. I’ve just had hiccups. One reason we’re back so early is we’ve come up with a brilliant idea for you.
23
Q
D: So we’ve come up with a plan for you
A
That may change your whole future, dear.
24
Q
O: Well, sir, whin poor Mr. Fettucini got to the scene of the accident an’ seen his poor froze wife leanin’ against a tree an’ glarin’ at him - he took it real bad.
A
We want you to take our offer seriously, dear.
25
O: Do it every day. You see somebody that's maybe done you dirt an' you say "nice to see you" or somebody that said a mean thing about you - you say "have a nice day." That's actin -
No, that's manners. We mean on the stage.
26
O: You mean a play actor - like you? Fer money?
For your fulfillment.
27
O: A tree
A tree?
28
O: Well, I started out as a butterfly but I didn't flit to suit the teacher so she made me a tree.
I'm sure you gave a good solid performance.
29
O: Teacher didn't think so. Whin the good fairy was dying, I had to scratch my nose.
Well, King and I have decided you have all the qualities of a professional.
30
O: Oh! I wouldn't be no good as a play actress! I ain't even a good cook.
We think you're a wonderful type.
31
D: Romeo and Juliet. Now isn't that a coincidence! That's the very play we've brought with us to have you read.
Audition - you know.
32
O: No, I don't know. What does that mean
Oh, take a scene at random and read it for us.
33
O: Out loud?
Just to see if you can project.
34
O: Project what?
Your voice. We'd like to determine how far you can be heard.
35
O: Two miles. I won a hog-callin' contest when I was fifteen. Would that be far enough?
If we played a stadium.
36
O: Oh, I'd jes be wastin' your time. Besides, I'm too old.
Was Bernhardt to old - at seventy?
37
D: With one leg
She'd turn over in her grave to hear you say that.
38
Opal: Gittin' their money back
Here, why don't you just read this part and we'll prompt you.
39
O: My sense of humor
Start there.
40
O: Which one am I? Romeo or Juliet?
Juliet, of course, what else could you play?
41
O: A tree.
Go ahead. Begin.
42
D: We're going to play her a little older.
Start anytime. (opal moves book back and forth) What are you doing?
43
O: Guess I need my glasses. Ef I hold it too far away all I see is black bugs an' if I hold it too close, my fingernail looks too big. These ain't really mine. Minister's wife died - lovely woman - real gen-u-wine- and the preacher gimme all her glasses. Poor woman had St. Vitus Dance an' couldn't keep her teeth in -
Opal, please - we have a matinee.
44
O: I reckon I can read with these. One glass is missin'. I'll squint. Poor woman died in an elevator. Tenth floor. Jes' come back from the dentist.
Please start. We're waiting.
45
O: I can see now - ef I don't wiggle. Do I read all this!
No, we'll skip down to the speech just before you take the poison, dear. Start here.
46
O: Do I stand or sit?
Either one.
47
O: I'll stan'. I jes' glued that chair together an' I don't think it's set yit.
Do anything you want, Opal, and when you drink the love potion and start to pass out - we'll put you on the table. Start
48
O: Here?
There
49
O: Oh, look!
Opal - you're not calling pigs. Modulate.
50
O: That means softer?
Softer
51
O: Oh, look. Methinks - Is that right? Me think?
It's Shakespeare.
52
O: Sounds weird.
Please go on.
53
O: Methinks. I see. My cousin's ghost seeking. Out Romeo. That did split his body upon a - a -
Rapier
54
O: rapier's point. Stay Tie-balt
Tybalt
55
O: Stay Tybalt - stay. Romeo? I come. This do I drink to thee. Thin I drink somethin'?
Yes. Desmond will hand you a love potion that will put you to sleep and you fall on a sarcophagus.
56
O: A who?
A kind of coffin. The table will do.
57
O: How'm I doin' so far?
I can truthfully say - you've sent chills down my spine.
58
Opal: Here?
There.
59
O: Romeo - I come. This do I drink to thee.
Beautiful!
60
D: No, no! On your sarcophagus.
An academy performance if ever I saw me.
61
D: Now you pretend to be drugged until I search for you and finally find you - still sleeping.
Then King kills himself and dies on top of you.
62
O: On top of me?
It's in the play.
63
D: Not long. We just want to see how convincing you'll be when you waken and discover Romeo dead on top of you. Are you asleep, Opal?
(whispers) How much did you give her?
64
D: Just enough to give me time to find the picture. Opal, can you hear me?
Opal - the house is in fire.
65
D: She's out. It's safe
Where do you think she put it?
66
O: Romeo
D: What's happened?
We heard someone singing.
67
O: What wuz you doin' upstairs?
We - we were looking for the bathroom.
68
O: Now Rosie Montefalco - you know I wouldn't do a mean thing like that. These nice folks are gonna gimme a part in one of their plays.
This was just a rehearsal
69
R: You gonna play somebody dead?
She was Juliet.
70
R: He live around?
Do you know, Miss Montefalco - if that's your name - you really ought to go on one of those afternoon TV quiz shows. You're the type they adore. If you can count up to ten - you can win a fortune.
71
R: Jes' goes to prove my cards wuz right. The Queen of Hearts said you wuz gonna die an' you did. Queens don't lie. You can trust a Queen.
Thank you.
72
R: Forty - eight. I'm backin' up.
So now you can go home and we'll continue with our rehearsal.
73
D: Some other time.
No, King - that might be a good idea. Let her go home and get her costume. Meanwhile, we'll go on with our rehearsal here.
74
R: I wouldn't hesitate one minute to give up my Hot Meatball Stand fer the theater.
Let's hope we never have to face that.
75
R: Should I bring my sword?
Your what??
76
D: Now, where shall we start again?
Let's skip the long speech and just start where Juliet says, Romeo - this do I drink to thee. And then drinks the potion.
77
R: Shall I dress up at home or dress here?
Why not at home. I'm sure you have a mirror.
78
R: That's right. Opal's is cracked
Which doesn't surprise me.
79
O: You'd shore make her happy ef you could find a place for her.
Oh, we'll find a place for her - don't worry. Hopefully - a permanent place.
80
O: Well, that's real sweet of you. Poor dear's had a hard life, that runt husband of hers -
Never mind him - let's get back to Juliet.
81
R: It's me again
Oh what now!
82
R: I cain't. I lost it.
Then just bring the sword. We'll find a use for it.
83
D: No - no. I'm sure she'll be more at ease in her original costume.
We want to see her as the true Miss Northern Italy. Just as she appeared for the Mafia.
84
O: Jes remember, bein' an actress ain't worth a heart attack.
That's what I keep telling myself.
85
R: Well, I'm off then. I'll bring a poem to recite. One of my own, "Genoa, My Genoa."
Shall we wait, or go on or just kneel and pray?
86
O: Well, it ain't ever better but at least you don't usually git a second chance like I'm gittin'
Isn't she brilliant, King!
87
O: Same place?
Yes. And you did it so beautifully last time.
88
O: Git set - hold yore hats. "Oh - look! Methinks I see my cousin's ghost seekin' out Romeo - who did split -
What's the matter?
89
O: Did he really split his cousin?
A figure of speech. Not really.
90
D: They were more brutal in those days.
Go on. You have me hypnotized.
91
O: OK "-did split his body upon a -" Now, don't tell me! -"rapier point" Got it right that time, didn't I?
Stupendous.
92
D: Here's your silver chalice.
What acting! She'll be a star, Desmond.
93
O: That reminds me! Are you a movie fan?
Isn't everyone?
94
O: In a minute. Nobody should be in a hurry to die. Had a cousin out in Hollywood - Sally Sue Sprinkler - worked as a maid fer lots of movie stars. Never held a job long on account of her stomach.
You mean she couldn't stomach them? How droll.
95
No - it wuz her stomach - it growled. Dogs barked at her. Her poor stomach grumbled so loud, it made all them movie stars she worked fer, jumpy. So they'd up an' get another maid. But she'd aluz send me these here reminders of all them famous folks that fired her. It got to be a thing with her - collectin' like me.
Opal - the play's the thing.
96
Poor Sally Sue Sprinkler - died las' New Year's. Beer truck hit her right on the dot. She wint out as the New Year come in. But I'll look for her in Heaven whin I go.
Romeo is looking for you here, Juliet.
97
O: You know what this here is?
It looks like a piece of broken bottle.
98
O: It is. Root beer. But you know what makes it valuable? Robert Redford cut his foot on it.
Why?
99
O: I am. An' you know what this here is?
A piece of thread?
100
O: Well, it ain't a thread. It's a hair right off the head of Jane Fonda. You remember her?
Not her hair.
101
O: An' I'll bet you can't guess what's in this here bottle.
It looks like rice. What do I win?
102
O: Well, it ain't rice. It's the original gen-u-wine fingernail clippings off the very fingers of Liz Taylor herself. I'll bet there ain't nobody in this whole wide entire world got any of her clippin's
I'd be inclined to agree with you. But shall we get on?
103
O: I am. You know what these are?
Men's shorts. At least I know that.
104
O: Yes. But you don't know who wore em
Lincoln?
105
O: Paul Newman
The actor!
106
O: Well, he ain't the Pope.
Don't tell me he had a maid!
107
O: His wife. An' you know what's interestin' about them.
Yes! How your cousin Miss Sprinkler got them.
108
O: Would you be interested in Rita Moreno's eyelashes? I only got one.
I am more interested in your Juliet. Your sarcophagus is waiting, Opal.
109
O: All right, all right. I'll die, sooner or later. Now - Doan tell me. I remember. At least I think I do.
There, Opal - there! Electrify us!
110
D: Die Opal - I mean Juliet.
Break our hearts dear. You're headed the wrong way, Opal. Your sarcophagus is center stage.
111
O: Right! I'm jes givin' it electricity.
That's the right place. Now die, dear.
112
O: I'm a dead duck.
Beautiful - beautiful. I could cry. If she were clasping a Bible, wouldn't she be the perfect Juliet? I couldn't bear it.
113
O: I got one. This here Bible is sumpin' you got to see. I'll git it. A Chinese Christian gave it to me. Only it ain't in Chinese. It's printed in gen-u-ine American English. bet you never seen anything in your whole entire life like this here genuine Bible, did you? Would you believe this is a Bible? Littlest Bible in the whole entire world but it's all in there. You could take this here little Bible into the Supreme Court and swear on it. Makes you believe in fairies, don't it?
Opal - you're dead.
114
O: Well, I've risen. That's in the Bible, too.
We've read it.
115
O: Not in a teensy-weensie Bible like this.
Well, you're a big talent so stay dead and prove it.
116
O: This here Chinese feller told me the missionaries in China wuz persecuted ef they wuz caught and - why am I gittin' sleepy?
It's your genius taking over.
117
D: Think "sleep" Opal, while I get myself in the mood. Sleep! I'll have to meditate a little while myself to feel the true spirit of Romeo in my guts.
Opal?
118
D: Do you think she's asleep?
Pinch her.
119
D: No. It worked Now we've got to act fast. You go back and look upstairs. I'll search down here. No telling where she put it. Yell, if you find it.
I'll try to think like she thinks - if possible.
120
D: Now where in hell is that damned Vanderdam?
[put on rat trap and begin screaming]
121
D: Eureka she's found it!
[down the stairs shrieking]
122
D: Shut up! I said yell - not scream!
My hand is caught in a rat trap!
123
D: Be quiet. Do you want to wake the dead?
Get it off! Get it off!
124
D: What did you stick your hand in a rat trap for!
That's a stupid question. Do you think I did it on purpose? Why should I want a rat - I married one.
125
D: You should have known better. Does it hurt?
No, it feels good. I do it all the time for kicks.
126
D: Well don't blame me. I didn't set a rat trap for you.
Oh yes you did. Only you offered me an acting job instead of a piece of cheese. I should have taken the cheese.
127
D: With seventy-five thousand at stake - it's no time to quibble about rats.
All right - all right. You better go into your speech in case she starts to wake up. She's got to think you're acting.
128
D: Ah, dear Juliet, why art thou so fair? Shall I believe that insubstantial death is amorous and that the lean abhored monster keeps thee here in the dark to be her paramour? For fear that I would stay with thee? And never from this palace of dim night depart again? Here will I remain with worms that are thy chambermaid. Oh here I set my everlasting rest and shake the yoke of inauspicious stars from the world wearied flesh.
King!
129
D: Did you find it!
No. But do you know what she keeps on the third floor.
130
D: A demented relative
Chickens.
131
D: What!
She actually keeps chickens on the third floor.
132
D: We're looking for a million dollar duck and you find chickens!
I just thought you'd like to know.
133
D: Thanks, but I'm not hungry.........The painting! The damned Van Von Vanderdam! Hot damn! Queenie - Queenie - come here quick! Descend - descend.
What is it? What have you got?
134
D: A million dollar duck
The Vanderdam?
135
D: The original.
Did you look at it?
136
D: There isn't time.
How do you know it's the painting?
137
D: The rope - it's the same rope.
What are you doing?
138
D: Leaving a note. And ten dollars. We musn't steal anything. It's wrong.
You don't think she's dead, do you?
139
D: No - just gullible. Now - let's get out of here quick and collect seventy-five thousand dollars. A reward for our true talent.
My King.
