Act 2 Scene 8 Flashcards
The boys: Let me love you!
HEATHER! OKAY LET’S KEEP GOING KIDS THAT’S REALLY GOOD. NEARLY THERE! Keep climbing. You’re all doing really well!
Heather: Do us a favour. Stop bloody clapping and telling ev’ryone they’re ‘doing really well’
Y’ve a bit of soil on your-
Heather: Don’t you DARE lick that tissue
OKAY, okay
Heather: Are you ready for this? On three. Two. One…
It’s all still here, Heath. Exactly as we left it.
Heather: silver birch still growing out the rocks. Motorway junction.
Graffiti about you. All now in a different light.
Heather: watch that hem, y’ great doink!
Oh ‘Brian Fitzsimmons’, if only you knew. All the time she was with you she was thinking of Donna Summer.
Heather: Stay still.
Or, in the case of the Armitage brothers, all three of bananarama
Claire: OH bloody hell…
COME ON, CLAIRE! THATS IT. Y’R DOING REALLY WELL.
Heather: yeah well, that’s what the hill-
Don’t
Claire: I can’t use any of the three thousand lesbian jokes I’ve been working on.
Okay, so nineteen hundred hours. As of this second Rach thinks we’ve all gone ahead to the restaurant. Roughly three minutes ago Jeff will have turned left by the co-op headed up towards the rocks, meaning Rachel will be saying’Jeff what the hell are you playing at?’. Jeff’s been briefed to say nothing. The journey from the Co-op to the rocks took three minutes fifty seconds on each of my eleven test runs, so with minimal traffic and if my plan is right that means any minute now-
Claire: THEY’RE COMING!
THAT is what I call organisation!
Heather: Zo, have you ever considered the possibility that your kids might’ve run away from home?
GET READY!
Heather: JESUS god you are annoying
Boy 1: just have a little patience
They’re comin’! I can see ‘em!
Jeff: she’s comin’ she’s comin,!
Boy 1: Just hold
Mneeek!
Jef: UP HERE, LOVE!
Boy 1: don’t be too hard on
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
All boys: Cause I
SURPRISE
Rachel: is somethin’ goon’ on here?
GO HEATHER!
Heather: Not like the ones we just did in the registry office. The REALLY important ones.
Go, Jeff
Rachel: don’t mess me around here Jeff
Boy 1&3: I really wanna start over again
Mn-eek!
Rachel: sorry ywont remember.
The boys: my heart is numb, has no feeling
Ready girls?
Rachel: what?
BANDS OUT!
Boy 1: cause the scars run so deep it’s been hard, but I have to believe.
Make em touch! They’ve all gotta be touching!
Rachel: finding this was enough! We said ‘no presents’
Keep quiet, honey. It might be a Porsche
Rachel: you planned all this!
TA-DA!
Heather: I say that
Sorry
Rachel: well. Y said the word needs more Heather Carter in it and it’s gonna get that
And we’re all wearing stuff made by Heather Carter
Rachel: and Zo spent her life doing homework
My kids’.
Rachel: but starting September, y’r own!
An’ by the way, I want you all there for me freshers week. Apparently Glasgow university got a fountain that’s perfect for middle aged women to dance in.
Claire: from the gig
Have the boys got a song that’s right for moments like this?
Boy 1: we can rule the world
What’re you writing?
Heather: stop trying t cheat. Mines incredibly clever.
I say that
Heather: pardon the spelling
Boy 1: for you …
Coming up, Deb!
