ACT 1 SCENE 4 Flashcards
JACK: What on Earth do you mean?
You have invented a very useful younger brother called Ernest, in order that you may be able to come up to town as often as you like.
I have invented an invaluable permanent invalid called Bunbury, in order that I may be able to go down into the country whenever I choose.
If it wasn’t for Bunbury’s extraordinary bad health,
I wouldn’t be able to dine with you at Willis’s tonight, for I have been really engaged to Aunt Augusta for more than a week.
JACK: I haven’t asked you to dine with me anywhere tonight.
I know!
You are absurdly careless about sending out invitations. It is very foolish of you.
Nothing annoys people so much as not receiving invitations.
JACK: You had much better dine with your Aunt Augusta.
I haven’t the smallest intention of doing anything of the kind.
Whenever I do dine with her I am sent down with either no woman at all, or two.
I know perfectly well whom she will place me next to, to-night…
Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner-table.
That is not very pleasant… Indeed it is not even decent!
The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks… so bad.
Besides, now that I know you to be a confirmed Bunburyist, I naturally want to talk to you about Bunburying! I want to tell you the rules!
JACK: I’m not a Bunburyist at all.
…
And I strongly advise you to do the same with Mr… Beerbelly.
Nothing will induce me to part with Bunbury,
and if you ever get married,
which seems to me extremely problematic,
you will be very glad to know Bunbury.
A man who marries without knowing Bunbury has a very tedious time of it.
JACK: If I marry a charming girl like Gwendolen, I certainly won’t want to know Bunbury.
Then your wife will. You don’t seem to realise, that in married life, three is company and two is none.
[BELL]
Ah! That must be Aunt Augusta.
Only relatives, or creditors, ever ring in that Wagnerian manner.
Now, if I get her out of the way for ten minutes, so that you can have an opportunity for proposing to Gwendolen, may I dine with you tonight at Willis’s?
JACK: I suppose so, if you want to.
Yes, but you must be serious about it!
I hate people who are not serious about meals.
It is so shallow of them!
