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PA - Millie > Act 1 Scene 1 > Flashcards

Act 1 Scene 1 Flashcards

1
Q

So, the fella’s wife says, “Alrighty. But where did I park the car?”

A

She lost the car!

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2
Q

She lost it!

A

Oh, goodness, no!

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3
Q

Hey Millie, where you folks keep your olives?

A

Icebox.

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4
Q

And reveal my secret recipe? Now stay put, prepare your tastebuds! Six Baxter Specials, coming right up!

A

Please, everyone, eat up. If there’s any of Norma’s canapes left over, I’ll eat every single one!

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5
Q

… anything from potted meats to light, fluffy biscuits, every time!

A

I wish I’d had Spry when I was suffering the curse of Bride’s Biscuits!

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6
Q

So do I!

A

Oh, you!

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7
Q

Hey Millie, got any seltzer?

A

Under the sink.

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8
Q

How ‘bout sardines?

A

No, sorry.

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9
Q

That’s okay, I’ll make do. (EX Jim)

A

Sardines? (w Bob)

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10
Q

Perhaps I should give Jim a hand.

A

Yes, darling, I think that’s best.

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11
Q

Your Bob is so debonair, Mildred.

A

Oh, please, it’s Millie to friends.

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12
Q

… I came up with the name for our annual Bazaar last year!

A

What’d you name it?

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13
Q

… Maybe we’ll just call it the Spring Fling and hope no one notices.

A

I find with a proper diversion, people will overlook anything.

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14
Q

Oh, I don’t smoke. But I try to keep one handy in case someone else wants one.

A

Isn’t that just adorable? Norma, I’ll have one.

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15
Q

Oh, let me! (Kitty rise)

A

Looking for the powder room, Kitty?

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16
Q

No, I try not to be around smoke when I’m wearing fur. It’s such a devil getting the odor out.

A

Well, let me take your wrap. I’ll put it in the closet.

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17
Q

Since 1931. So, almost twenty years.

A

That’s so marvelous! Can you picture what we’ll be like with our boys after all that time?

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18
Q

… How about you?

A

I don’t know, you might do well in typing school.

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19
Q

Not that, you goose! How’d you girls meet your husbands?

A

Well, I met Bob through Norma.

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20
Q

Millie and I have been girlfriends for years. When I first moved to D.C., we shared a room (cut off)

A

At the Susan B. Anthony. She was in secretarial school, I was working at a darling luncheonette (cut off)

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21
Q

… Said it was cheaper than buying all those new handkerchiefs.

A

That is adorable! I have never heard that story.

22
Q

… When your country calls, you answer.

A

I’m glad my country’s letting me stay home. Heaven knows I’ve enough to keep me busy.

23
Q

My word, Millie! What are you using on this desk to get such a brilliant shine?

A

Foster’s Furniture Creme! It gives a glorious sheen without waxy residue, and with its patented long-lasting gleam, Foster’s cut my cleaning time in half!

24
Q

Six Baxter Specials, as promised!

A

Oh, nummy nummy nummy!

25
Q

Would anyone care for a cigarette?

A

Perhaps later Bob. Kitty’s wearing fur and it’s such a devil to get the odor out.

26
Q

Alright then. Well, I’d like to propose a toast.

A

Let’s see if he can finish before the ice melts.

27
Q

… And to Mr. Sunderson - it’s been a pleasure to work for you, but even more so to welcome you and your lovely wife as new friends.

A

Hear hear! (with Jim & Norma)

28
Q

The next step?

A

The next bold step.

29
Q

Persons vulnerable to blackmail. Drunkards. Loose women. General moral turpitude. Deviants.

A

Oh, I don’t know if I should be hearing this.

30
Q

Surely you’d find them when you check for mental illness.

A

Oh, yes, wouldn’t you?

31
Q

That’s not it.

A

Can’t argue with science.

32
Q

I’ve got an appointment tomorrow, care to join?

A

I’d have to check my book.

33
Q

Go ahead.

A

Of course. Tomorrow, you said? (go to desk) Drat. I’ve got the butcher tomorrow, all the way over in Columbia Heights. Takes a whole afternoon.

34
Q

Really?! Where?

A

… U Street

35
Q

I’ll call you tomorrow, Millie! Ta!

A

Ta!

36
Q

Mrs. Baxter, Mr. Baxter. Mrs. Martindale, my thanks for your gracious hospitality.

A

Again, soon!

37
Q

EX Theo, Kitty, Bob

A

Oh Christ. I hope there’s a fucking butcher on U Street.

38
Q

Simplicity, babe. The more elaborate the story, the harder it is to keep afloat. That’s what you always tell me.

A

I tell you that because you’re truly quite terrible at inventing stories. What the hell was the flapdoodle with the handkerchiefs?

39
Q

You’ve lost me.

A

Oh, Jimmy, I wish you’d heard. Told of your whirlwind courtship, and this incurable sentimentalist included enough discarded handkerchiefs to fill a Chinese laundry. I had to bite the inside of my cheek. I might have bled. I think I did.

40
Q

Well, apparently now we’re looking for homosexuals. And drunks and whores. Goody.

A

But how can you (cut)

41
Q

Because Bob designed the system. Now stop worrying, both of you.

A

All this work for that gas bag and his dingbat wife. Now I’ve got to go all the way to Columbia Heights to get my nails done.

42
Q

And find a butcher. Norma’s right, you should keep your stories simple.

A

I can’t help it, I’m a creative soul. I used to write poetry, you know, in college.

43
Q

You came alive as a woman, and were forever changed.

A

Yes. Well, I was. I should try writing again. I was pretty damn good. Jimmy, go next door if you’re just going to lie about. You and Bob have your own sofa.

44
Q

You do not! You stop that!

A

My God, are there stains? Get up right now!

45
Q

We’re not indecent about it. We put down a towel.

A

Ew! One of ours?

46
Q

Grow up. Sex is messy. Bodies leak things. Think of everything that pours out of your lady parts.

A

You are so crude!

47
Q

Only when they come bearing crepes and French poetry.

A

You’re both evil, hateful people.

48
Q

No, Norma, that was me walking through a door. I know it’s all a bit foreign to you, but man sex looks totally different.

A

That’s it, you two are like children, we are getting a plastic cover.

49
Q

Let’s have her over!

A

You boys could help with cleaning up!

50
Q

That’s woman’s work!

A

Jimmy Baxter, get up right now, you do not want to get your ass kicked by a dyke!

51
Q

But people like us have nothing to worry about.

A

How did I end up doing all the work in there?

52
Q

Goodnight girls.

A

G’night Bob. G’night Jimmy.

PA - Millie (7 decks)

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