A Funny Thing Act 2 Flashcards
Miles: Waiting here in your house
No!
Miles: No?!
I meant “yes”, it just came out “no”
P: This is what you must do. Hide the girl, up on the roof
Why?
P: Ready?
Ready!
S: Hysterium!
Yes, sir!
S: Tell the maid I am almost ready
Sir, I must say this to you. Abandon this mad adventure! Think of your wife on the way to the country!
S: That, Hysterium, is the country’s problem
Yes, sir
S: Hysterium, you know that potion you prepare that so fills one with passion, one can almost perform miracles
Yes, sir. We have some left over from your last anniversary.
S: Bring it to me now, slave in chief
Slave in chief! I wonder how many slaves in chief have a master in the tub, a house full of courtesans, and a maiden on the roof!
D: Hysterium!
Coming master….mistress! You’re home!
D: And parched with thirst, ever-thoughtful Hysterium
No! It’s a potion!
D: What sort of potion?
To make you thirsty. And you’re already thirsty, so you don’t need it
D: Thirst is the lesser of my problems. Hysterium, on the best of intuition, I believe my husband is fouling the nest
No! Never!
D: That is not my husbands voice. Tell me, who is in my house
I think it’s a captain
D: A captain?
Yes…he thinks that…your house….is the…I hope you do not object to my offering him your hospitality
D: Object? When I, myself, am the daughter of a Roman general? Hysterium, I must meet him
You wouldn’t like him. He’s very vulgar.
M: Bring more food and drink, eunuch!
You see?
P: She’s back!
Yes!
P: What has happened?
What hasn’t happened!
P: Alright, what hasn’t happened? She hasn’t found out, has she?
No!
P: Good!
But she will, and she’ll kill me!
P: No, she won’t!
No, she won’t. I’ll kill myself! I can do it painlessly. If she does it, it will hurt. I must do it. I have besmirched the honor of my family. My father will turn in his grave!
P: Your father is alive!
This will kill him!
P: Are you finished? Now listen to this. I have really shocking news.
What?
P: You know Gusto the body snatcher?…He died this morning
No! I saw him only yesterday. When is he to be buried?
P: They don’t know, someone snatched his body
Isn’t that a sha….why are we crying over a dead body snatcher?!
P: Because he could have helped us. He could have lent us a body.
A body?
P: A body. A body. Hysterium, would you like everything to be the way it was when you woke up this morning?
In a minute!
P: That’s all it will take. Come!
In here?
P: In here!
Where did you get the money?
P: Come out here! Come on out!
You didn’t tell me I’d have to be a girl!
P: A dead girl! The captain will see you, go on his way, and all will be well!
No! It won’t do!
P: Please, Hysterium. We must convince the captain.
That I am a beautiful dead girl?
P: Yes
He’ll never believe it
P: He will. You’re delicious
What if he tries to kiss me?
P: He won’t kiss you. Hysterium, please, just lie on the bench
He’ll never believe I’m a girl. Look at me. Just look at me.
P: WHO’D BELIEVE THE LOVELINESS OF YOU?
No!
P: Come back! (I’m Lovely reprise)
Shouldn’t I have jewelry?
P: Jewelry?
Flowers?
P: What?
I should have flowers.
P: Fold the arms!
Any coins he puts in my eyes, I keep!
L: Find the girls! Bring them back!
I’ve got to get out of these clothes! I’m calm, I’m calm
S: Do you understand? Go then
Pseudolus!
P: I ought to give you worse than that! What did you do with the contract?
I gave it to a soldier. He wants to meet me later tonight!
M: You made that more than clear when last we met!
The cause of it all!
D: You again?
I have to get out of these clothes!
S: no, no, my dear. Wrong house.
Leave me alone!
H: Philia! Philia!
Second time around!
E: Let me help you.
Thank you. I’m quite all right.
E: Wait!
What is it?
E: My dear one! My sweet one! My little one!
Why do older men find me so attractive?
E: My daughter!
What?
E: you wear the ring with the gaggle of geese!
I am not your daughter!
M: My maiden!
I am not a maiden!
E: Those filthy pirates!
I am not your daughter. I uhhhh I am an Etruscan dancer
E: She is my daughter!
Please! No fighting! That hurts! Please!
M: You are not the virgin!
Of course not! I am this old man’s baby daughter.
M: And now, death by evisceration!
Oh, Pseudolous!
P: So have I. Hysterium, the potion. You know the one I mean.
The potion?
P: Thank you, dear friend. Give the hemlock to Socrates
Which one of you is Socrates?
P: Give me that!
You?
M: My sister?
Pseudolus, did you hear that?
