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A Funny Thing Cards > A Funny Thing Act 2 > Flashcards

A Funny Thing Act 2 Flashcards

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Funny Jokes flashcards
1
Q

Miles: Waiting here in your house

A

No!

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2
Q

Miles: No?!

A

I meant “yes”, it just came out “no”

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3
Q

P: This is what you must do. Hide the girl, up on the roof

A

Why?

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3
Q

P: Ready?

A

Ready!

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4
Q

S: Hysterium!

A

Yes, sir!

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5
Q

S: Tell the maid I am almost ready

A

Sir, I must say this to you. Abandon this mad adventure! Think of your wife on the way to the country!

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6
Q

S: That, Hysterium, is the country’s problem

A

Yes, sir

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7
Q

S: Hysterium, you know that potion you prepare that so fills one with passion, one can almost perform miracles

A

Yes, sir. We have some left over from your last anniversary.

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8
Q

S: Bring it to me now, slave in chief

A

Slave in chief! I wonder how many slaves in chief have a master in the tub, a house full of courtesans, and a maiden on the roof!

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9
Q

D: Hysterium!

A

Coming master….mistress! You’re home!

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10
Q

D: And parched with thirst, ever-thoughtful Hysterium

A

No! It’s a potion!

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11
Q

D: What sort of potion?

A

To make you thirsty. And you’re already thirsty, so you don’t need it

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12
Q

D: Thirst is the lesser of my problems. Hysterium, on the best of intuition, I believe my husband is fouling the nest

A

No! Never!

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13
Q

D: That is not my husbands voice. Tell me, who is in my house

A

I think it’s a captain

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14
Q

D: A captain?

A

Yes…he thinks that…your house….is the…I hope you do not object to my offering him your hospitality

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15
Q

D: Object? When I, myself, am the daughter of a Roman general? Hysterium, I must meet him

A

You wouldn’t like him. He’s very vulgar.

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16
Q

M: Bring more food and drink, eunuch!

A

You see?

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17
Q

P: She’s back!

A

Yes!

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18
Q

P: What has happened?

A

What hasn’t happened!

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19
Q

P: Alright, what hasn’t happened? She hasn’t found out, has she?

A

No!

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20
Q

P: Good!

A

But she will, and she’ll kill me!

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21
Q

P: No, she won’t!

A

No, she won’t. I’ll kill myself! I can do it painlessly. If she does it, it will hurt. I must do it. I have besmirched the honor of my family. My father will turn in his grave!

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22
Q

P: Your father is alive!

A

This will kill him!

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23
Q

P: Are you finished? Now listen to this. I have really shocking news.

A

What?

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24
Q

P: You know Gusto the body snatcher?…He died this morning

A

No! I saw him only yesterday. When is he to be buried?

25
Q

P: They don’t know, someone snatched his body

A

Isn’t that a sha….why are we crying over a dead body snatcher?!

26
Q

P: Because he could have helped us. He could have lent us a body.

A

A body?

27
Q

P: A body. A body. Hysterium, would you like everything to be the way it was when you woke up this morning?

A

In a minute!

28
Q

P: That’s all it will take. Come!

A

In here?

29
Q

P: In here!

A

Where did you get the money?

30
Q

P: Come out here! Come on out!

A

You didn’t tell me I’d have to be a girl!

31
Q

P: A dead girl! The captain will see you, go on his way, and all will be well!

A

No! It won’t do!

32
Q

P: Please, Hysterium. We must convince the captain.

A

That I am a beautiful dead girl?

33
Q

P: Yes

A

He’ll never believe it

34
Q

P: He will. You’re delicious

A

What if he tries to kiss me?

35
Q

P: He won’t kiss you. Hysterium, please, just lie on the bench

A

He’ll never believe I’m a girl. Look at me. Just look at me.

36
Q

P: WHO’D BELIEVE THE LOVELINESS OF YOU?

A

No!

37
Q

P: Come back! (I’m Lovely reprise)

A

Shouldn’t I have jewelry?

38
Q

P: Jewelry?

A

Flowers?

39
Q

P: What?

A

I should have flowers.

40
Q

P: Fold the arms!

A

Any coins he puts in my eyes, I keep!

41
Q

L: Find the girls! Bring them back!

A

I’ve got to get out of these clothes! I’m calm, I’m calm

42
Q

S: Do you understand? Go then

A

Pseudolus!

43
Q

P: I ought to give you worse than that! What did you do with the contract?

A

I gave it to a soldier. He wants to meet me later tonight!

44
Q

M: You made that more than clear when last we met!

A

The cause of it all!

45
Q

D: You again?

A

I have to get out of these clothes!

46
Q

S: no, no, my dear. Wrong house.

A

Leave me alone!

47
Q

H: Philia! Philia!

A

Second time around!

48
Q

E: Let me help you.

A

Thank you. I’m quite all right.

49
Q

E: Wait!

A

What is it?

50
Q

E: My dear one! My sweet one! My little one!

A

Why do older men find me so attractive?

51
Q

E: My daughter!

A

What?

52
Q

E: you wear the ring with the gaggle of geese!

A

I am not your daughter!

53
Q

M: My maiden!

A

I am not a maiden!

54
Q

E: Those filthy pirates!

A

I am not your daughter. I uhhhh I am an Etruscan dancer

55
Q

E: She is my daughter!

A

Please! No fighting! That hurts! Please!

56
Q

M: You are not the virgin!

A

Of course not! I am this old man’s baby daughter.

57
Q

M: And now, death by evisceration!

A

Oh, Pseudolous!

58
Q

P: So have I. Hysterium, the potion. You know the one I mean.

A

The potion?

59
Q

P: Thank you, dear friend. Give the hemlock to Socrates

A

Which one of you is Socrates?

60
Q

P: Give me that!

A

You?

61
Q

M: My sister?

A

Pseudolus, did you hear that?

A Funny Thing Cards (3 decks)

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