A Funny Thing

Question 0

Domina: Yes, Hysterium

Answer 0

And I answered, ever your humble

Question 1

Domina: Pseudolus! Hysterium!

Answer 1

Ah, Madam, you called?

Question 2

D: Have you prepared my potions?

Answer 2

Yes, madam, in addition to your usual potions, I have included one for tantrums and one for queasiness

Question 3

D: thank you, Hysterium, slave of slaves

Answer 3

I live to grovel

Question 4

D: Hysterium!

Answer 4

Yes, madam!

Question 5

D: where is Pseudolus?

Answer 5

Where is he indeed! I have not seen him since he dressed Hero this morning

Question 6

D: Ah there I am, do you think it will please my mother?

Answer 6

Oh, yes, madam. The craftsmanship is superb.

Question 7

D: and the resemblance?

Answer 7

Frightening

Question 8

Senex: a lesson for you all. Never fall in love during a total eclipse!

Answer 8

Well, to work, to work! Now that I am completely in charge, I am going to be a very busy slave.

Hero! Come away from there, you must never know what goes on in that house!

Question 9

Hero: but I do

Answer 9

You do?…Isn’t it amazing? Well I can’t stand here talking.

Pseudolus!

Question 10

Philia: and I love you

Answer 10

Pseudolus! Where is that…?

Question 11

(Sees Hero and Philia)

Answer 11

Oh no! No no no no!

Question 12

Hero: Hysterium, this is Philia

Answer 12

Never mind who she is, who is she? Where is she from?

Question 13

H: she is from the house of Lycud

Answer 13

A courtesan!

Question 14

Phil: I am a maiden

Answer 14

Of course…Hero, this will never do. Never, never. Bid farewell to this young lady so that she can go about her…uh…business

Question 15

H: but Pseudolus said

Answer 15

Pseudolus! I should have known

Question 16

P: Hero! Master!

Answer 16

Pseudolus!

(P reacts)

Pseudolus!

Question 17

P: Yes, Hysterium

Answer 17

Pseudolus!

Question 18

P: pronounced perfectly. You know a lot of people say pah-seudolus and I hate it. Show the girl our garden.

Answer 18

How dare you! Arranging an assignation between an innocent boy and a you know what

Question 19

P: There’s something I must tell you

Answer 19

What?

Question 20

P: That girl about whom you think is the worst is my daughter

Answer 20

Your what?

Question 21

P:my daughter, you’ve heard me speak of her

Answer 21

Never!

Question 22

P: well I don’t like to talk about her

Answer 22

That girl is not your daughter

Question 23

P: my sister?

Answer 23

I shall go tell his parents

Question 24

P: wait! Hysterium, the truth! She has been sold to a captain who comes any moment now to claim her

Answer 24

Oh? Then I go tell his parents!

Question 25

P: I go with you

Answer 25

You don't want to be there when I tell them about you

Question 26

P: no I want you there when I tell them about you

Answer 26

Tell them what about me? I have nothing to fear. I am a pillar of virtue. I go.

Question 27

P: I think it might be of interest to the family that their slave in chief, their pillar of virtue, has secreted within the confines of his cubicles Rome's most extensive and diversified collection of...

Answer 27

PSEUDOLUS! Hero!

Question 28

P: Tell me, where did you ever get that..

Answer 28

Pseudolus! Hero! Hero, as you know, your mother and father placed me in charge of your innocence. However I have decided to allow you to remain with the girl until the arrival of her captain

Question 29

H: oh Philia!

Answer 29

Here stop doing that! You could hurt each other, ohhh!

Question 30

P: She will go with you

Answer 30

Hero, I am off to market. While you are alone with the girl remember who you are. Oh I have yet to being my daily chores

Question 31

P: before you go, just one more favor

Answer 31

What is it?

Question 32

P: may I borrow your book of potions?

Answer 32

Oh no no no! That stays right here, where it belongs. You there, bird seller! What do you have in the way of a plump peahen?

Question 33

S: I know how busy both of you are. Therefore, it is for me to instruct her in the niceties of housework. We shall start in my room

Answer 33

Sir!

Question 34

P: at least! (Senex exits into Erronius's house)

Answer 34

Why did I ever let her in the house? I should never have listened to you

Question 35

P: everything is going to be fine, pussycat

Answer 35

Oh you! You just see that she gets out of the house!

Question 36

P: and you just see that he stays in that house. Keep calm!

Answer 36

Calm? Calm? Mustn't be excited. Calm. Calm.

Question 37

Erronius: at least I have the comfort of my lonely house

Answer 37

Sir!

Question 38

E: and who are you?

Answer 38

Hysterium, sir, servant to Senex

Question 39

E: yes of course, I should have known you anywhere...what was that?

Answer 39

I didn't hear anything...I didn't hear that either

Question 40

E: you did not hear that eerie sound

Answer 40

Eerie?

Question 41

E: Eerie, as if haunted

Answer 41

Eerie as if haunted? Sir what I am about to tell you is eerie...you me house is...is haunted

Question 42

E: impossible! My house haunted you say? Strange

Answer 42

But true. Perhaps you ought to stay with relatives...distant relatives

Question 43

E: yes, no! Fetch me a soothsayers

Answer 43

A soothsayer?

Question 44

E; yes I must have him search my house immediately | P chants

Answer 44

How did you know?

Question 45

E: seven times?

Answer 45

Slowly!

Question 46

E: to the hills!

Answer 46

This is the way, sir!

Question 47

S: Hysterium!

Answer 47

Sir!

Question 48

S: Prepare my bath!

Answer 48

Yes sir!

Question 49

S: well he to his bath and I to mine

Answer 49

Just the way you like it, sir

Question 50

S: one more thing

Answer 50

Yes, sir?

Question 51

I shall need a complete change of garb. Let me see...my tunic with the tassels!

Answer 51

Sir, it needs taking in.

Question 52

P: It says words and I intend to stand behind those words, or my name is not Marcus Lycus!

Answer 52

Pseudolus!

Question 53

P: Or my name is not Pseudolus Marcus Lycus! A moment. I must have a word with my eunuch. Come here Eunuch!

Answer 53

How dare you call me that?

Question 54

P: you know it's not true and I know it's not tried, so what do we care what they think

Answer 54

Those soldiers, have they come for the girl? I'll go right in and get her

Question 55

P: they have not come for the girl. They have come for me.

Answer 55

What?

Question 56

P: Hysterium, I have never told you this but years ago I deserted from the army

Answer 56

No!

Question 57

P: Sh! I was very young. I wanted to be an archer. Instead, they made me a slinger. Then one day at the height of battle, I lost my heard. I arched when I should have flung. I had to flee!

Answer 57

And now they have found you. Oh, Pseudolus!

Question 58

P: Sh! They are looking for Pseudolus. I told them I am Lycus.

Answer 58

And Lycus you are!

Question 59

P: I must. Hysterium, more bad news!

Answer 59

I hope it's good

Question 60

P: it's terrible! The girl refuses to that is why I prepared your sleeping potion. Give her a drop or two in a beaker of wine, and upon hearing me say "Present the bride" carry her out in your arms!

Answer 60

Trust me Pseu....trust me Lycus! I go, Lycus. Farewell, Lycus!

Question 61

P: present the bride! A short delay, sir! What happened?

Answer 61

I'll tell you what happened! Nothing! She won't drink!

Question 62

P: what?

Answer 62

She says on Crete her religion forbids it

Question 63

Lycus: everybody knows who you are, Lycus

Answer 63

Of course. He is Marcus Lycus.

Question 64

Miles: I shall tell you what! With a axe and pike, my soldiers shall raze this house to the ground!

Answer 64

Our beautiful house!