Trauma Education: Grief, Core Beliefs, Resistance Flashcards
One of the most common sources of resistance related to identity?
Survival brain thinking a person is less than/not worthy and therefore not worthy of healing, from internalized past experiences. Can show up as shame in achieving, performing, perfecting, trying to add value, etc.
Details:
Survival brain can internalize feeling that their person is not enough as a naked soul to experience love, acceptance, connectedness, and belonging in a family/community/etc, but that they need to bring more to earn it.
Practice for rewiring shame stories that cause resistance
Internalize fact that foundational to our inherent value is that we are created in the image of God and uniquely reflect his goodness and beauty. There are ways I as an individual have been wired to uniquely reflect him with gifts and talents.
Details:
- Let yourself begin noticing throughout the day how you uniquely reflect God. Thank God for these things.
- Begin noticing the ways you have been faithful to cultivate character working with God to grow and heal.
- Ask God to give you eyes to see what you can’t yet see about yourself
- Care for your needs and honor your limitations. Shows your survival brain that your needs matter bc you matter
What are some other key signs of limbic system impairment?
Catastrophizing (projecting imminent doom or gloom on the future), feelings of overwhelm and ensuing shut down, false guilt, and feelings of being perpetually stuck in a story of scarcity and not having enough (not enough energy, support from people, finances, etc).
These are signs of impairment/miswiring of the survival brain and present resistance to our healing and everyday lives.
When our limbic system comes in upset, it first wants what (like a small child)?
Our love before using tools, using the language of sensation, which is what the survival brain speaks. (Visualized sensation from container of love practice)
Practice for creating a container of felt safety and love for the survival brain (will revolutionize your ability to work with the resistance)
- Relax and come into your body
- If feeling any of the negative feelings, ask WITH CURIOSITY, COMPASSION, AND POWER where you’re feeling them most keenly in the body. Put a hand on that spot if you’re able, to signal loving presence.
- Do a visualization journey imagining you’re holding a newborn baby that’s about to be adopted into a wonderful family. Do this until you notice emotions stirring in you. What do these emotions feel like in your body physically?
- Now go back to the part of your body that needs attention and direct these good emotions and feelings toward it. See what it feels like to have these moved toward that part of the body for at least two minutes.
- Notice if there are any other parts of your body that want to be lovingly held. Avoid analyzing or body scanning, just notice if there is a part that is asking.
Details:
- get comfortable and relax, come into your body, feeling surfaces against our body and being held, how does it feel to wiggle your toes, whatever feels good, etc.
- If feeling any of the negative feelings, ask yourself WITH CURIOSITY, COMPASSION, AND POWER where you’re feeling them most keenly in the body (chest, stomach, face, etc). Going to turn toward these feelings with compassion and power and take this information and use it to heal, signal value and love to the body.
- Put a hand on that spot if you’re able, to signal loving presence.
- Then you’ll “visit an affection teacher” (do a visualization journey). Imagine you’re holding a newborn baby that’s about to be adopted into a wonderful family, but before that happens you are volunteering taking shifts to hold this baby to signal to it that it is loved and wanted in its first hours of life. Visualize different parts of that experience, the room, the baby, smells, sides, etc. Notice how differently you hold the baby inanimate object - the softness, caring, etc. Do these things until you notice emotions stirring in you - care, affection, etc. What do these emotions feel like in your body physically?
- Now go back to the part of your body that needs attention and direct these good emotions and feelings toward it. See what it feels like to have these moved toward that part of the body. Simultaneously imagine that you’re holding this part of the body like you were holding the baby, and do for that part of the body what you did for the baby. Do this for at least two minutes.
- Notice if there are any other parts of your body that want to be lovingly held. Avoid analyzing or body scanning, just notice if there is a part that is asking.
- Thank your body for allowing you to hold it.
The survival brain wants to make sure that you feel what?
Safe, valuable, and dignified, and like you belong.
Why can healing feel threatening to the survival brain?
Because we are telling it that we don’t need its old protective mechanisms anymore. And if the survival brain doesn’t feel safe yet, it’s not going to want to give up these protective mechanisms… And then it will kick up resistance even more.
New way of working with protectors:
- think of them as little protectors who desperately want to make sure that you don’t relive any of the pain you’ve experienced in the past.
- Remember that they have scars from painful experiences and don’t want you to get any more.
- Use a relational way to speak to the protectors, as though they are someone you care about, not as an object to be fixed or a problem to be solved.
- When the protector appears and is present, imagine them as a character or younger version of yourself.
- When we feel something from the protector, step back and realize that it is trying to tell a story from the past. Turn toward them in power with love, compassion, and a listening ear.
- Become a good listener to what the protector is trying to say so that they feel heard. But be wise and discerning to listen to only small doses that still keep you in your window of tolerance.
- Care: care for the protector and make sure they know that their feelings and thoughts matter. Ask questions and listen for their answers.
- Reassure. Many times the protector is scared of certain things because they think they have led to something bad. Slowly walk it through why things are different now.
Details:
- thinking of them as little protectors, and they desperately want to make sure that you don’t relive any of the pain you’ve already experienced. Remember that they have been through these painful experiences and have scars from them and don’t want you to get any more. They have a database of these past experiences and if they experience anything similar, they move into protective mode. Referring to them as protectors and kind of something separate from you helps in the same way that it’s easier to give a friend advice going through a hard situation than it is to yourself.
- Use a relational way to speak to the protectors, as though they are someone you care about. Not as an object to be fixed or a problem to be solved. As we treat protectors with kindness, we are actually treating ourselves with kindness, because they are a part of us even though we are speaking to them as though they are separate.
- When we feel something from the protector, step back and realize that it is trying to tell a story from the past. We turn toward them in power with love, compassion, and a listening ear.
- When the protector appears and is present, imagine them as a character or younger version of yourself. How to know they’re present: resistance to practicing tools, avoidance by watching TV or getting on social media, or random habits that pop-up.
- Become a good listener to what the protector is trying to say. But be wise and discerning to listen to only small doses that still keep you in your window of tolerance. Listening helps us feel heard, and the opposite makes people feel not heard and want to get louder, which would be reaction of our protectors. We quiet down when we feel heard, as opposed to getting louder and making more of a racket.
- Care: care for the protector and make sure they know that their feelings and thoughts matter. Ask questions and listen for their answers. Takes time to learn which questions to ask. Maybe ask: Why do you need me to hear this? Why was that so painful? During this time, reassure the protector like they are that little infant baby from the previous exercise.
- Reassure. many times the protector is scared of certain things because they think they have led to something bad. For example, with me working on the computer in the past, i would rush, push, and not listen to my body, then I would feel drained and overwhelmed. So now my protector thinks that anytime I work on the computer or do any kind of work, that it will lead to overwhelm. But I can reassure the protector: I’m going to do this work slowly and methodically and also listen to my body for signs of fatigue, and do my best not to push myself too hard. And we continue to reassure the protector any time it comes back over time.
Practice for rewiring out of scarcity, into abundance:
- Notice how the story of scarcity shows up in my life? Limiting thoughts, certain emotions, sensations, avoidance behaviors when the story is present?
2a. Then we begin to train our brain in our new story of abundance that we are living in: rally your resources. Tell and then show it the truth of all the resources at your disposal.
- Cognitive: visualizations, thoughts, knowing that I’m empowered with strong will power
- Somatic: containment hug, muscle release,
- Spiritual: ignacian prayer, God’s love and grace chasing me every day
- Relational: how friends and family nourish our nervous system
2b. Create colors for each of these buckets of resources. Then imagine each bucket being tipped over or overflowing onto you into the different parts of your body and how that feels. Helps the survival brain see that this abundance isn’t just theoretical and distant, but that you are bringing it into your body regularly
- Can see yourself with these colors when you have feelings of scarcity.
My own note: imagine my strong will power flowing into my body, feet planted firmly
