The Odd Couple (Female Version) Flashcards

1
Q

MICKEY: Do you know any penguins? …Intimately?

A

That shouldn’t be Science and Nature. That should be gossip.

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2
Q

MICKEY: I’ll say they do it 6 times.

A

Why only 6 times?

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3
Q

MICKEY: Did you ever see what they look like?

A

They live on icebergs. What else could they do all winter? I say 20 times.

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4
Q

RENEE: I’m going to pass out, I swear.

A

Someone told me you were seeing a doctor. Is it anything serious?

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5
Q

SYLVIE: Do you mind if she asks the question first? Go on, Vera.

A

What does C mean in Einstein’s theory of relativity, E=MC squared?

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6
Q

SYLVIE: We’ll try sports.

A

You can’t change after you’ve heard the question.

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7
Q

MICKEY: A minute thirty and counting down.

A

Who pitched back-to-back no-hitters for the Cincinnati Reds in 1938?

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8
Q

RENEE: Give us a hint.

A

What kind of hint?

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9
Q

RENEE: Is it baseball or football?

A

It’s baseball. I’ll give you another hint. He has a Dutch name.

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10
Q

RENEE: Joe Rembrandt

A

Is that your answer?

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11
Q

SYLVIE: Peter Windmill

A

Is that your answer?

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12
Q

OLIVE: I’m coming, I’m coming.

A

Do you give up?

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13
Q

RENEE: Not yet… Bobby Amsterdam, Tony Tulips.

A

Give up, you’ll never get it. I have to leave by 12.

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14
Q

SYLVIE: Where the hell are you running?

A

I told you that when I sat down, I have to leave by 12. Mickey, didn’t I say that when I sat down? I have to leave by 12.

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15
Q

MICKEY: I’m really starting to worry about Florence. She’s never been this late before.

A

I told Harry I’d be home by one at the latest. We’re making an 8:00 plane to Florida.

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16
Q

MICKEY: Who goes to Florida in July?

A

It’s off-season. There are no crowds and you get the best rooms for 1/10th the price.

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17
Q

MICKEY: Maybe Florence is sick. I’m really getting nervous.

A

Do you give up?

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18
Q

OLIVE: Alright what’s the question?
MICKEY: You only have 4 seconds.

A

Who pitched back to back -

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19
Q

RENEE: The woman produces a prime time news show and she oesn’t have a maid. Five. 12345, science and nature.

A

Ooh this is good. What closes when a frog swallows?

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20
Q

OLIVE: Extra jockey shorts

A

Is that your answer?

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21
Q

OLIVE: He carried a Bible

A

That’s right!

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22
Q

RENEE: Don’t get that mournful look in your eye again. The man lost your entire life savings at the track. Two, science and nature.

A

What’s the strongest muscle in a man’s body?

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23
Q

SYLVIE AND MICKEY: Right!

A

Well, you have to look at it both ways. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

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24
Q

SYLVIE: You’re gonna be some big hit in Florida.

A

You give up on the strongest muscle?

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25
Q

RENEE: The tongue

A

That’s right.

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26
Q

RENEE: Don’t ask me how I know that. Three, 123. Sports and leisure.

A

What’s the southern dish made of pig’s small intestines called?

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27
Q

MICKEY: If you mean it, I have my gun here.

A

What’s the oldest known vegetable in the world?

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28
Q

MICKEY: Hand me my purse, I’ll shoot her now.

A

Is that your final answer?

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29
Q

SYLVIE: Yes! You are the oldest vegetable known to man.

A

Wrong. (Genuine surprise) It’s the pea! (Toss the dice)

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30
Q

OLIVE: The kids today are smarter than us. Why go through all the trouble of marriage when you can have a roommate? I’m going to start looking around on the bus tomorrow.

A

Entertainment.

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31
Q

OLIVE: Everybody, all together!

A

Bill Haley and the Comets!!!

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32
Q

OLIVE: Always had a pound of grease in his hair. Remember that winter he went out and his head froze? He had to comb his hair with a hammer and chisel.

A

You know who I thought the cutest one in the school was? …Mr. Schwartzman, the principal. (dreamy nod)

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33
Q

MICKEY: Yeah
SYLVIE: Yeah
RENEE: Yeah

A

Yeah.

34
Q

MICKEY: I wish you were having an affair with him, then he wouldn’t bother me all the time. Hello Stanley. What’s wrong? Did you make yourself dinner? What’d you have? Lamb chops? That’s very good Stan.

A

Your husband can make lamb chops?

35
Q

SYLVIE: She loves the Museum of Modern Art, maybe she went there?

A

Maybe she got locked in the museum. I once talked to a security guard there for 20 minutes until I realized he was a statue. (“true dat” nod)

36
Q

SYLVIE: Wait a minute! Don’t start anything yet. Just because we don’t know where she is doesn’t mean somebody else doesn’t know. Is she seeing someone? On the side?

A

You mean like a hypnotist? (sooo ditsy. like unbelievably)

37
Q

SYLVIE: You never can tell. It’s a different world we live in today. What a man can do, a woman can do… I’ve never personally done it myself, but I’ve gotten the itch once in awhile. Admit it, we all have.

A

I haven’t.

38
Q

OLIVE: (conversation with Sidney)… They broke up.

A

Who??

39
Q

OLIVE: Who?? Florence and Sidney, that’s who! They broke up, the marriage is over.

A

Don’t tell me…

40
Q

RENEE: I can’t believe it
SYLVIE: After 14 years

A

They were such a happy couple. :(

41
Q

OLIVE: That’s what the man said. She went out to kill herself. She didn’t want to do it at home because her mother was sleeping over.

A

Why did she want to kill herself?

42
Q

OLIVE: Because the quicker it gets there, the quicker she has a chance to be saved.

A

Ohh, I get it. She really doesn’t want to kill herself, she just wants sympathy.

43
Q

SYLVIE: Well we can’t just sit here and do nothing.

A

Isn’t there someplace we could look for her?

44
Q

OLIVE: Of course! If you’re gonna kill yourself what’s the safest place to do it? With your friends!

A

I’ll let her in. (go to door)

45
Q

SYLVIE: Not sports and leisure, it’s too tough.
OLIVE: I can’t believe this.

A

Should I tell Florence to wait a minute?

46
Q

FLORENCE: Hello, Vera

A

Oh hello Florence! We practically forgot all about you!

47
Q

MICKEY: How can they play in the same picture?! What do they want 3 Charlie Chans in the same goddamn picture for?

A

They had 2 Tarzans in the same picture once.

48
Q

MICKEY: Never! Never 2 Tarzans in one picture!

A

One of them pretended to be Tarzan.

49
Q

OLIVE: It’s the guest bathroom. There’s nothing in there. What is she gonna do, swallow a towel?
MICKEY: She could jump.

A

That’s right, isn’t there a window in there?

50
Q

OLIVE: She could also flush herself into the East River. I’m telling you, she’s not going to try anything.

A

Shh, quiet! (pause) She’s crying…

51
Q

OLIVE: You want to go in there and cry with her? (toilet flush)

A

She’s coming out!

52
Q

MICKEY: What’s the matter with your stomach?

A

She looks sick, look at her face.

53
Q

FLORENCE: I had a pizza on Broadway. I threw up in the elevator. I’m sorry, they’ll think a dog did it. Can I have a drink, somebody?

A

I’ll get it. Do you want a Fresca or a Sprite?

54
Q

SYLVIE: Will you just get her a drink??

A

Alright

55
Q

FLORENCE: 12 hours I’ve been crying. Idk where it’s all coming from. I think it’s all the same tears just going around in circles.

A

Is Dr. Pepper alright?

56
Q

FLORENCE: Don’t call him! I’m fine.

A

No, it’s a drink.

57
Q

FLORENCE: I’m so ashamed. Please forgive me, girls.

A

It’s okay, we understand.

58
Q

OLIVE: I’ll get it from Florence, she has an account there.

A

(as leaving) Take care, honey!

59
Q

(After Renee)
(After Sylvie)

A

(Enter again) If you need me, I’ll be at the Meridian Motel in Miami Beach.

60
Q

OLIVE: …Big blonde, lousy actress. I think her husband owned the studio…

A

Give us a hint.

61
Q

FLORENCE: Vera Hruba Ralston

A

Ralston! That’s the cereal!

62
Q

RENEE: I can’t breathe. That lousy machine has sucked all the air out of here.

A

This is delicious! The toast is crisp without being dry.

63
Q

MICKEY: You know what I hear> I hear Sidney looks terrible. Sends out for Chinese food every night. Stanley saw him on the street with soy sauce on his mouth.

A

Everything on the sandwich is so fresh! Where does she get fresh crab?

64
Q

SYLVIE: Do something, Olive! She’s turned a nice friendly game into the Christian Science Reading Room.

A

I was just in the bathroom. The towels are so clean and fluffy, and they smell so good. Does she do that too, Olive?

65
Q

SYLVIE: … There are 2 kinds of people who drive you crazy in this world. Those who just gave up smoking and those who just got separated.

A

You really have to learn to have more compassion.

66
Q

OLIVE: She’s right. The woman is right.

A

I would have talked sex, no one brought it up.

67
Q

FLORENCE: Gee, I’m sorry. Is it my fault?

A

No. I guess no one feels much like playing tonight.

68
Q

MICKEY: Well all he wants to do is kinky things.
FLORENCE: Like what?
MICKEY: Like handcuffing you to the bed?

A

Did you ever do it?

69
Q

FLORENCE: Is that how you feel, Vera?

A

I’m not very good at fantasies. Harry makes one up and gives it to me. (leave with Mickey)

70
Q

OLIVE: She’s too busy. She has to go out and spread guilt through the land. Alright, let’s get started. Get the game out.

A

(Get the game out) I know what you’re going through. Harry and I had a big fight this morning too.

71
Q

OLIVE: About what?

A

He’s very jealous. He thinks I dress too sexy.

72
Q

OLIVE: Jesus, this place is like group therapy.

A

Is it good news or bad news?

73
Q

OLIVE: She left. She’s angry because she didn’t like what I said.

A

What did you say?

74
Q

OLIVE: It’s her, I knew it. She wants to come back. NYC didn’t want her either.

A

I’ll get the door.

75
Q

OLIVE: Open it, open it!

A

Oh hello! …It’s not her, Olive.

76
Q

MANOLO: Buenas tardes.

A

Olive, it’s Mr. Tardes.

77
Q

FLORENCE: Really, fellows, this is very embarrassing… Hello girls.

A

(obnoxiously excited to see Florence again) Hi Florence!!!

78
Q

OLIVE: Well it’s cleaner than a hospital.

A

I’m really impressed. I never saw such a change come over a woman so fast in my life.

79
Q

FLORENCE: Are you starting the game now?

A

Yeah. You want to play?

80
Q

RENEE: 4. Entertainment.

A

According to the 1962 four seasons smash hit, who doesn’t cry?