The New Rules Flashcards
How did he refute the classical approach that negotiations are better approached on problem-solving and best interests of both parties?
That hostage negotiations were anything but rational problem-solving situations.
What is the most dominant core driven force in negotiations?
Emotions and emotional intelligence are central to effective negotiations, not things to be overcome
What is the universally applicable premise that starts the basis of negotiation?
The people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make to get there.
Negotiation in Chris words is:
Communication with results
What is the centerpiece of this book:
The concept called ‘Tactical Empathy’
Little secret:
Life is negotiation. The majority of the interactions we have ar work and at home are negotiations that builds down to the expression of a simple, animalistic urge: I want
Is the following statement true or false: A hostage negotiator plays a unique role: he has to win. Can he say to a bank robber, “Okay, you’ve taken four hostages. Let’s split the difference - give me two, and we’ll call it a day?”
True
What is Chris’s romantics view over negotiations?
That you understand how urgent, essential, and even beautiful negotiation can be. When we embrace negotiation’s transformative possibilities, we learn how to get what we want and hot to move others to a better place
Is is true that: Assumptions blind, hypothesis guide.
Good negotiations, going in, know they have to be ready for possible surprises; great negotiators aim to use their skills to reveal the surprises they are certain exist. You should engage the process with a mindset of discovery.
Role negotiator behavior:
The less important he makes himself, the more important he is. (and vice-versa)
Is it true or false that: Ideally you want to have a buffer to the crisis points. Is it true or false that you want to put some distance between you and whatever worst-case scenario might be waiting at the other end of the deal.
True
The goal is to identify what your counterpart actually needs:
(Monetary, emotionally or otherwise)
How bad negotiators see a negotiation as:
Battle of arguments, it’s the voices in their head overwhelming them. When they’re not talking, they’re thinking about their arguments, and when they’re talking they’re making their arguments. Make the schizophrenia state of them slow down by focusing on what they’re saying.
The needs and wants are important, but neither them is where we starts:
It begins with listening, making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin.
Some negotiators have a weird approach:
They want to confuse you as much as possible to find a way out.
If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel…
They’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.
Smoke screen
Tactics to convey the intentions behind its actions
On a mostly unconscious level, we can understand the minds of others…
Not through any kind of thinking but through quite literally grasping what the others is feeling.
What’s the most powerful tool in any verbal communication
Your voice
When people are in positive frames of mind…
They think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve (instead of fight and resist) I applies to the smile-er as much to the smile-ee: A smile on your face, and in your voice, will increase your mental agility.
For the FBI, mirroring is:
When you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone just said. Simple and yet uncannily effective.
Two groups of waiters:
One, when they said back to customers after orders: “great”, “no problem”, “sure” in response to each order.
The others, mirrored the orders back to the customers. The average tip of mirrored was 70 percent more than of those who used positive reinforcement.
Mirror and get your way with 5 steps:
- Use the late-night FM DJ voice
- Start with “I’m sorry”
- Mirror
- Silence. At least four seconds, to let the mirror work its magic on your counterpart.
- Repeat
Three Voices for Negotiators:
- The Late-night FM DJ voice: Use selectively to make a point. Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow. When done properly, you create an aura of authority and trustworthiness without triggering defensiveness.
- The playful voice: Should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. Your attitude is light and encouraging. The key here is to relax and smile while you’re talking
- The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback.
