Systemic Coaching | Level Three Flashcards
Powerful Question (describe)
provide silence after asking the question.
If the client is not silent after the question, then it is not a powerful question
Co-Creating New Perspectives (describe)
I’m creating with my client, put my ego on the side.
Ask permission first, always
Context Question:
“What do you want to achieve in this coaching session / in your 8-mins session?”
“What do you want to achieve before the end of this session?”
Precision Question:
“Is there a specific/recent situation or relationship on which you can focus, just so I can accompany you?”
Standard Questions (list):
Open: Begin/explore (“sooo?…)
Closed: lead to a decision (end)
Neutral: make neutral questions without subconsciously leading or interrogative
Non-Neutral (stay away from it): Leading / Influencing / Negative / Interrogative
Short & Single & Simple Questions: as opposed to Long & Multiple & Complicate
Analytical / Judgemental (stay away from it!): Why / Reason
Action Oriented Questions: What & How (Where, Who & When)
Strategic & Powerful Questions: Hypothetical Questions
You don’t want to scare the client, so present the question less threatening and committed to the client, to be perceived by the client as a game
A: “May I ask a question?…”
B: “If …. What is there to ….?” (hypothesis)
C: “Cool! / Great!… What can you do now considering your exploration?” (invites to action)
Strategic & Powerful Questions: Magic Questions:
Part of superpowers, fantasy, something the client may relate to (but not related to a role model in this context)
A: “May I ask a question?…”
B: “If you had a magic wand / stick / card, how would you use it in your situation?”
“What would your favourite hero/role model do in this situation?”
C: “Cool / Great! What can you do as of tomorrow?”
“How can you start very effectively as of tomorrow in this direction based on what you have said before”
Strategic & Powerful Questions: Perfect Situation
Perfect or ideal, though perfect is the preferable.
A: “Imagine this/your situation is (totally) perfect. Can you describe it? / How does it look like?”
“Imagine the perfect scenario. Can you describe it?”
“If you had to describe the perfect scenario in your situation, what would that be?”
“What is your ideal outcome?”
“What is your best possible scenario?”
“If you really dared to formulate your deepest hopes, what would you say?”
“What is your ultimate possible goal?”
“In the best of all possible worlds, what would be your ultimate wish?”
“If the situation were perfect, what would it look like?”
“What is your highest possible goal? The one you wouldn’t even dare share with me?”
B: What can you immediately do to get there?
Time & Space Question Category: Future Projection
Use for life changes.
“May I propose something?” (Be creative here!)
A: (Result)
“Imagine you are X years/months from now. You are in (specific date / place)”… “Can you describe it?…”
“Imagine we are 5 years from now and we are talking with each other in this same exact place…” / “the situation is solved” / “You made the right decision” / “You are very satisfied with your decisions / outcomes / actions”… “Can you describe it?…”
“If you project yourself several years forward and imagine the problem is totally solved. Can you describe it?”
A: “Imagine yourself in five years when everything is exactly as you wish.” + “How have you changed from what you are today?” / “Can you describe your environment?” / “Can you make an inventory of your success?”
A: “Pretend that you have solved your issue in the most satisfactory possible way, what is the final result?”
Note: Speak in the present tense… to make the client enter on its future pace, where the client is satisfied. (give hope & motivation to client)
B:
“Now, looking back at the present moment, what was the first action/decision you made?”
“What have you done to reach that satisfactory outcome?”
“How have you achieved this?”
“What did you do to get there?”
Time & Space Question Category: Here & Now
Applies to relationships & people, very action-oriented - kind of Gestalt therapy
A: “If the person is here with you, what would you tell him/her now? / what would you do first?”
> check the degree of satisfaction >
“How are you satisfied with the result, say on a scale of 1 to 10?”
“What else would you change in what you said so that it reaches a 10?” (DON’T mention the “missing” keyword)
B: “Wonderful! Based on this exploration, what is the first action you want to take?”
Time & Space Question Category: Zero Base:
Use for life/business decisions:
A:
“If you are on your first day of …. / If you could start all over again … / if you could reset the situation …”
+
“knowing what you know today, what would you do differently?”
“If you started this project today, knowing what you know, what would you do differently?”
“If you just met the person now and wanted to ensure a totally different foundation for your relationship, how would you start it today?”
B:
“Wonderful! Based on this exploration, what is the action you want to take?”
Time & Space Question Category: Change of Context
Use for life/business/relationships:
A:
“If this would be a professional/personal situation (the opposite of what is being described), how would you approach it? / what would you do?”
B:
“Great / Wonderful! Coming back to your situation, what is the first action you want to do?”
Inside Out:
What is inside might be outside and vice-versa.
A:
“…if this confusion/fear/chaos was not in you but in your environment, what is really obvious for you? / what is clear for you? “ (inside > outside)
“…if this quality (…) was not outside but in you… how can you access it whenever you want? …how can you use it?” (outside > inside)
B:
“Cool! What is the first action you want to do?”
Space Mobility:
Suggest the client to physically move to somewhere else - or look up to the right side / left side to activate the focus / imagination in the client.
Also, consider the eye movement, as opposed to the brain hemisphere “the left being detail-oriented, the right being whole-oriented”. Look to the left and you will have a whole picture, look at the right and you will be more focus.
“May I propose something…” (face-to-face setup: “Can you please stand-up from the chair?)
+
“…what advise would you give to yourself?”
A:
“What is your perception?”
“What advise would you give to yourself?”
“What is obvious in your situation?”
“What resource do you think you could use?”
“What is your favourite book? (pause) What does that book think you should do?”
B:
“Great! Thank you! Please come back to your seat”
(signalling the game is over)
“With this new perspective, what action do you want to take?”
Client Resource Inventory: Past Strategies:
A:
“Have you already faced similar situations in the past?”
YES/NO (most people say Yes)
If the answer is “No”, ask again to double-check as “any similar situation” (double down)
> if needed go back further in their past (time) or in other areas in their life (space)
B:
“What did you do in those situations? (successful outcome in the past / failed miserably in the past).
Great! What works now from your previously listed actions?
“Ok / Cool! What did you learn from those experiences and you want to use it now?”
Client Resource Inventory: Qualities Perceived By Client:
Make the recognise the things they don’t see on themselves
A: “What are your top 3 qualities you know you have?”
…”ok, that is 1, …” (go with the client and validate with him/her)
B: “Great! / Wonderful! How do you want to use each of these qualities in your situation? What is the first quality you want to focus on (to move on with your challenge)?
Client: ….
“Ok! What is the second quality you want to focus on to move on with your challenge?”
…etc
Client Resource Inventory: Qualities Perceived By Client Environment:
A:
“What are the qualities that your environment/others as always recognised you have?”
“What are the main top 3 skills that people you know usually see in you?”
“How do you place yourself in the world?”
B:
“Great/Wonderful! How do you want to use those qualities/skills in your situation?”
Client Resource Inventory: Qualities Perceived By The Coach
Pick a quality perceived by the coach
A:
“How can you use your (…) in this situation?”
“What else?”
B:
“Great! Based on this exploration, what is your first steps/action?
Mapping & Logical Strategy Questions: Network Question:
Here is about people, remind the network that is surrounding us, to tap it for support and learn from it if working against you
A:
“In your (team/family/network/environment)… who is (creative/conservative, fastest/slowest, boldest/safest, predictable/unpredictable)
B:
“Cool! How can each/all of these skills be used in your situation?”
“How can you work with these people towards achieving the outcome of your goals?”
Note: this can also be used if the network is negative, ask “how can you work against you, how can you work with it / how can you enlarge your network to be more supportive?”
Mapping & Logical Strategy Questions: Ordering & Priority:
Least to most, from 1 to 10, or use 80/20 rule - use with people who are chaotic/disorganised/lazy/etc
“On a scale from 1 to 10, where do you perceive you stand today? (pause) Well, how can you reach to a 8?”
“How can you get to a 15?”
Mapping & Logical Strategy Questions: Neither/Nor:
Binary). Both (includes), middle way, Black/White > Rainbow (invite the client to expand on their views).
A: (Heads & Tails)
“if you roll a dice instead, what would be the 6 different options in the dice?”
“I perceive you are playing heads & tails… but if you add a dice instead, what would be the 6 different options that you could have?”
“How can you align the two options?”
“I perceive you are perceiving this situation as black & white. How would be a rainbow perception of your situation’s options?”
B:
“Do you want to decide on a few actions right away, or is this still a little early for you?”
“Which option do you prefer?”
“Are you going to react right away or do you want to let the situation to mature?”
Energy & Emotions: Eliminate the Issue:
“If this situation were to disappear out of your life, just by magic, towards what fulfilling project/ambitions/adventure would you put all your vital energy?”
“If this problem would evaporate in thin air, what would you do in your life?”
Energy & Emotions: Refocus the Client:
A:
“If you didn’t spend so much time & energy … (banging your head on the wall / dealing with this situation)… where would you focus that time & energy? / where is the door or window that opens towards your future?” / “If this apparent problem didn’t use up all your time & energy, what do you really want to do with yourself and your life?” / “Beyond all this information on a current issue, can you tell me, in one short sentence, what your really fundamental life objective is?”
B: “Would you like to work on this?” < check again…
Energy & Emotions: Essential Motivation:
“What do you really, really want?” (focus intonation on each word to make 4 different ways (what / you / really-really / want)
“What is the most important thing for you… ?”
“What are your deepest hopes for your long-term future?”
“What are your most fundamental motivations in life?”
Poetry/Metaphorical: Energy & Emotions:
Fairytale/characters:
“If this story was a drama show, what would be the name of the play?”
(THEN)
“What winning lessons can you take from that show, to apply in your challenge?”
“If your story was a marvel superheroes book, what hero are you portraying here?”
(THEN)
“What would this character do in your situation today?”
theatrical/dance:
“I see your progress is like going through the mud. If you were flying in a balloon, what would you see?”
(THEN)
“From that new perspective, what action would you take?”
“If I may, I perceive you much like a Sherlock Holmes character, very progressively, detail-oriented, preparing a grand finale/conclusion. What if you surprise yourself by immediately proceeding to that finale/conclusion?”
Emotion Centred Questions: Fear:
Move away from / being cautious of.
“How can you listen to your fear as an excellent indicator that you need to be cautious as you move forward?”
Emotion Centred Questions: Sadness:
Reflection / Self-Compassion
“How can you take care of yourself much more as you proceed further?”
Emotion Centred Questions: Anger:
Action / Reaction
“How can you refocus that energy to achieve your goal?”
“How can you direct it to a successful outcome with everybody involved?”
“How can you direct your anger to get more clarity in your life?”
Exceptional Strategies: Starting Small:
to be used at the end of the coaching session
“What is the first smallest step… (immediately)”
“What is the easy action… (immediately)”
“What is the smallest change… (immediately)”
(idea is to break down a client’s challenge into small pieces, what is the first one… (immediately))
Exceptional Strategies: Worst Scenario:
Similar to mathematical inversion. Make the client aware of it, but not to build up in a forced way. So they can also eliminate the different possible options
“May I provoke you a little bit?”
“May I challenge you?” (prepare client as an option)
“What is the worst scenario option?”
“What is your most catastrophic option?”
“What is the worst that can happen?”
“If you want to sabotage yourself, what would you do?”
“If you wanted to fail every inch of the way, how would you go about it?”
“If you think that nothing can be done, how would you waste this coaching session?”
“What would you do differently if you really didn’t want to solve your issue?”
Exceptional Strategies: Weakest Link:
Don’t leave the client on the negative side
“Who needs more attention to avoid a failure?”
“…fail because of an apparently minor detail, what is this that you need to focus on?”
(can follow up by “What else?”)
“If someone can block/sabotage your plan at the right time, when is this time?”
“How can this plan be sabotaged?”
Paradoxical Questioning Strategies: Reverse Client Affirmations:
turn problem into opportunity
“What would you do if this apparently difficult problem was really an opportunity for you to start considering very important changes in your life?”
“If you don’t see it as a challenge but as an opportunity, what is obvious to you?”
“How could you react to this apparently ‘negative situation’ if it was really a solution to a lot of your problems?”
“What do you need to start changing in yourself to welcome this apparently disruptive event, in the positive way it really deserves?”
“If this problem was actually an opportunity for you to grow, what would you start changing in yourself?”
“How is this (problematic) person offering you an opportunity to learn something very important about yourself?”
“How is this fault also a very useful quality?”
“How could this setback actually be a blessing?”
“Can you list all the advantages of being in this difficult situation?”
“Can you make an inventory of this (problematic) person’s obvious qualities?”
Paradoxical Questioning Strategies: Paradoxical Question:
Play around with the different situations/systems
“What is common to those apparent different options?”
“What is common to all your apparently different options?”
“Different alternatives - very similar? (possible reaction of client)”
“What’s not going to change in the next 10 years?’”
“What is the obvious common denominator in all your apparently different options?”
“What is the complete opposite of all your mutually exclusive options?”
“How are all your different alternatives really very similar in essence?”
