Self-love Flashcards

1
Q

What is the basic outline of this speech?

A

Greeting - hook - introspection - aha!

how we were ->

what changed? ->

how we are ->

disintegrating no? No. ->

parallels with heroes ->

your choice -> poem

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2
Q

What is the greeting?

A

Thank you Mr. Toastmaster. Good morning, fellow toastmasters and dear guests.

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3
Q

What is the hook?

A

I’ve been going through a rough patch in my relationship. My wife and I celebrated our 4th anniversary last month. We’d started off as love birds, couldn’t be separated from each other for the world. But now, we’ve become quite self-obsessed, and can’t even stand each other’s presence. While celebrating our anniversary 2 weeks ago, we got into a massive fight and actually decided to spend some time apart!

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4
Q

What is the outline of the hook?

A

Rough patch - 4th anniversary - how it started - how it’s going - separated on anniversary

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5
Q

What. comes after the hook?

A

Introspection

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6
Q

What do you say for the introspection?

A

All this forced me to do some introspection. I started pouring over data online for why relationships go downhill, and after a lot of reading, ended up finding an article in the journal “European Psychologist.”

The authors Ruth Erol and Ulrich Orth had gone through ALL the studies on relationships over the last 6 decades, and found something that applied not only to marriages but also to friendships, and your equation with your mortal enemies!

Let me come out and say it. Low self-esteem kills relationships.

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7
Q

What is the outline of the introspection?

A

poured over data - found article - authors, 6 decades! - universal - statement.

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8
Q

What are the 3 points you’re making in the body?

A

How we were (villains) -> how we are -> parallels with heroes

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9
Q

What are the sub-points of “how we were”?

A

Inseparable (joker) - obsessive (voldemort) - jealous (loki)

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10
Q

What are the sub-points of “how we are”?

A

Separate friends - separate visible activities - separate invisible activities

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11
Q

What are the sub-points of “hero parallels”?

A

Harry had friends
Thor had courage
Batman was jacked

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12
Q

What do you say right after the introspection?

A

The joker part of the speech

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13
Q

What’s the outline for the joker part of the speech?

A

wounded souls - specifics - comfort - everything together - dialogue

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14
Q

What is the exact content of the joker part of the speech?

A

My wife and I, when we met, were wounded souls. She was stuck in an abusive relationship, and I had been my parents’ puppet my entire life. But when we met each other, we found comfort. We did EVERYTHING together. We started a business together, lived in the same room, had the same friends. We were completely inseparable.

You know what the Joker says to Batman? Kill you? What would I do without you? You complete me. That was us.

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15
Q

What’s the outline for the voldemort part of the speech?

A

super jealous - emma stone fight - I watched it - obsessive voldemort - convinced - crafted Harry - she crafted me

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16
Q

What’s the exact content for the voldemort part of the speech?

A

We were super jealous. This one time, we’d gone to watch a movie starring Emma Stone, my favourite actress. Halfway through the first part of the movie, my wife couldn’t take it anymore. We had a major fight. She literally ripped her wedding ring out and flung it across the hallway! We left without watching the movie. (Between you and me, I watched the whole thing later at home 😉)

You know how obsessive Voldemort was with Harry Potter? He was convinced that Harry was going to kill him. No matter how ordinary Harry was. So instead of living his life and thinking of Harry as a harmless little average wizard, Voldemort kept trying to get to him. He KNEW that Harry was the one. And in the process, he crafted Harry into the wizard who would kill him. Just like my wife crafted me into the person who would watch that movie.

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17
Q

What is the outline for the Loki part of the speech?

A

he killed thor - i’m not thor

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18
Q

What is the exact content for the Loki part of the speech?

A

Loki literally killed Thor’s dad because of how jealous he was of Thor’s achievements. I didn’t want to be Thor.

19
Q

What part of the speech comes after all the villains?

A

How we are

20
Q

How do you transition from villains to how we are?

A

I keep telling you this was our relationship. So… what changed?

21
Q

What’s the outline of the “how we are” part of the speech?

A

Separate friends - separate visible activities - separate invisible activities

22
Q

What is the content of the “separate friends” part of “how we are”?

A

These days, we almost have separate lives. I have my set of friends, and she has hers. Our friend groups barely intersect.

23
Q

What’s the outline of the “separate visible activities” part of “how we are”?

A

toastmaster - blog - pivot to writing, consulting - don’t work together

24
Q

What’s the content of the “separate visible activities” part of “how we are”?

A

I am a toastmaster. She has been banging out blog after blog about parenting, and as a dentist, has performed a pivot, and is now a content writer and a business consultant. We don’t work together anymore.

25
Q

What’s the outline of the “separate invisible activities” part of “how we are”?

A

fitness - boundaries

26
Q

What’s the content of the “separate invisible activities” part of “how we are”?

A

I’ve been thinking way more about my physical health and fitness, while she’s been much more adamant about setting boundaries and not doing things she doesn’t want to do.

27
Q

What part of the speech comes after hook, introspection, villains and how we are?

A

Hero parallels

28
Q

How do you transition from how we are to hero parallels?

A

All this sounds like our relationship’s disintegrating, doesn’t it? Different lives, different activities… Guess what? This is where my research blew my mind.

29
Q

What’s the outline of hero parallels?

A

Harry (friends) - Thor (courage) - Batman (fit, boundaries)

Us friends - us courage - us fitness, boundaries

30
Q

What is the content of the Harry part of the speech?

A

What was the difference between Harry and Voldemort? Harry actually had a ton of great friends. Friends he cared about, and who cared about him. Friends with whom he would do all kinds of stupid stuff.

31
Q

What is the content of the Thor part of the speech?

A

Thor was lionhearted. He would see situations that would make mere mortals tremble, and he would dive head-first into them. You think courage, you think Thor.

32
Q

What is the content of the Batman part of the speech?

A

Batman was jacked. He was dedicated and disciplined about his physique, being able to fulfil physical feats that normal people couldn’t do. He also made sure that if someone broke the law, he would be there and not let them get away with it.

33
Q

What comes after you’ve described each hero?

A

Transition to us being like the heroes

34
Q

What’s the exact transition from the heroes to us being like the heroes??

A

Isn’t that exactly what we’re doing?

35
Q

What do you say as a parallel to Harry?

A

We have our separate sets of friends, like Harry.

36
Q

What do you say as a parallel to Thor?

A

We’ve become fearless — me speaking to big crowds, her moving into uncharted career territory.

37
Q

What do you say as a parallel to Batman?

A

I’ve started taking care of my physical health, while she’s setting stronger boundaries — not letting people get away with breaking her law.

38
Q

Once you’re done talking about the heroes and the parallels, what do you do?

A

Move into the summary - 2 choices

39
Q

How do you transition from “hero parallels” to “2 choices”?

A

My relationship, far from being under threat, has actually evolved into something much more secure and healthy!

40
Q

What is the outline of the “2 choices” part?

A

2 options - focus on partner / focus on yourself - choice is yours

41
Q

What is the exact content of the “2 choices” part?

A

So, when you’re getting into a relationship, a friendship, etc., know that you have 2 options. You can either focus on the partner — like Voldemort, the Joker or Loki — insecure, super attached, or insanely jealous; OR you can focus on yourself — like Harry, Batman and Thor — have a great set of friends, take good care of your health, and constantly face your fears.

The choice is always yours.

42
Q

What comes after the “2 choices” part?

A

Beau Taplin

43
Q

What is the exact content of the “Beau Taplin” part?

A
In the words of Beau Taplin,
“Self-love is an ocean
and your heart is a vessel. 
Make it full, 
and any excess will spill over 
into the lives of the people you hold dear. 
But _you_ 
must come first.”