Relationships and Roles in Early Adulthood Flashcards
What are the phases of the Stimulus–Value–Role Theory?
- Phase 1: Stimulus phase
- –See a potential partner and ask, “Could this be a good choice for me?” or “Would this person want me?”
- –Superficial assessment
- Phase 2: Value-Comparison phase
- –Once you start dating, you ask, “Does this person match my interests, traits, qualities, etc.?”
- Phase 3: Role phase
- –Work out shared lives
What does the Stimulus–Value–Role Theory?
- Explains why couples are similar in social status
- –Ex. best-looking girl and star football player
- –Mismatches? Look for reasons. “Maybe she has $.”
- Murstein – Opposites DO NOT attract
- -Similar to “IDEAL” self is best – person we want to be
- —Grow emotionally into that ideal
- —Similar is generally better, but…
- ——-Happiness among long-married couples: One more dominant and one more submissive
Attachment Theory in Adults (Hazan & Shaver, 1987) (3 Classifications): What is it and what are they?
- style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress
1) Secure
2) Avoidant/Submissive
3) Preoccupied/Ambivalent
Consequences of how attachment style impacts relationships
- Secure – fully open to love, firmly committed
- –Happier marriages, more satisfying relationships, more sensitive to partner’s needs, more forgiving
Avoidant/Dismissive – insecure, withholding, aloof, reluctant to engage, stay independent, avoid getting close
Preoccupied/ambivalent – insecure, fall quickly and deeply in love, needy, end up being rejected or feeling unfulfilled
Marriage: U-shaped Curve of Marital Status: When is satisfaction highest?
Marital satisfaction peaks during the honeymoon
Marriage: Most effective communication patterns
Happy couples:
-Have high ratio of positive to negative comments
Below 5 to 1, couple is at risk for divorce
–Do NOT get personal when they disagree
Keep disagreements confined to the problem: “I don’t like it when you leave dirty socks on the floor.” vs “You are SO gross!”
–Are sensitive to their partner’s need for space
Demanders (for emotional attention) and Withdrawers (rarely communicating) have unhealthy relationships
Marriage: U-shaped Curve of Marital Status: What causes it to dip?
Decline is steepest during the first few years
–First four years = divorce danger zone
Marriage: U-shaped Curve of Marital Status: What causes it to regain satisfaction?
What causes the decline?
Work, children, money…but time is most dangerous culprit
Marriage: U-shaped Curve of Marital Status
- Research over the past 40 years has shown…
- -Marriage satisfaction dips to a low point but then starts to increase
- -Happier at “empty nest stage”
- -Retirement can increase satisfaction even more
Divorce: Reasons for divorce
Why? ~Communication problems ~Lack of attachment ~Stress ~Extramarital affair ---Meaning – already unhappy in marriage
Divorce: Benefits and consequences (including who is likely to benefit most and who is likely to suffer the most)
Consequences:
–Need to move; may need to find a better job; legal headaches; stress about children
Benefits:
–Emotional growth (e.g., “I can make it on my own”); sense of relief (e.g., “Phew, that terrible marriage is finally over”)
–Who feels better after a divorce?
—-It depends…
—-If marriage was always miserable, feel better
—-If marriage started happy, may see even further declines in well-being
–Divorce is thought to be more harmful to women’s health than men, because it tends to represent a greater economic loss for women, including a loss of health insurance
Parenthood: Fertility Rates
- Against “common” knowledge: Childless adults, especially females, are just as happy as parents in midlife and old age
- -Children do NOT make marriages stronger
- Fertility rates (# of children/family) has declined
- -Prolonged period before reaching adulthood
- -Fewer financial resources
- -Have caused some countries to give “baby bonuses” to people who conceive
- —Ex. Poland pays 500PLN for every child after the first a family has
Parenthood: How parenthood impacts marriage
Couples less intimate and less happy. Why?
~Less sleep
~Shift from lover to fellow worker
~More distinct, traditional marital roles
–Women have even more housework after baby
–Women are more likely to leave their jobs, making wives feel angry
~Conflict in parenting styles
Who survives?
~Securely attached
~Didn’t argue very much before child was born
Parenthood: Children’s temperaments and how they impact mother’s behaviors
Mothers of young children – lowest levels of day-to-day happiness, compared to other women
Child temperament affects mom greatly
Easy = evokes love, mom feels competent
Difficult = more irritability, lower self-esteem
Mothers do NOT love all of their children equally
- -Try to not let preferences show or admit favorites
- -Typically favorite child is easier, most successful
Parenthood: Why motherhood leads to low levels of happiness
- Feel personally responsible for how child turns out
- SO MANY DEMANDS!
- Be patient
- –Read, read, read!
- –Pay attention (but not too much!)
- Over the past 40 years, moms now spend MORE time with their kids!
- –How? Less housework, community activities, time with friends, and time with spouse
