Red Flags - Andrea Flashcards
cue to start
You guys will never guess what just happened to me!
Yeah, what. Don’t tell me you-
I found the love of my life!
Really? That’s surprising
Yeah! He just doesn’t know he’s the love of my life yet. That’s the only issue.
Girl what?
Yeah!
So he doesn’t know he’s, who even is this?
Chad Chaddington! We’ve been talking, he’s literally the hottest guy on campus.
Okay but isn’t he also the biggest a-hole on campus
No! He’s just misunderstood
How did it go when you talked to him?
well…
… I would low-key die for you
He’s so skibbidi
I’m the manliest man you’ll ever find
He is so charming and matcho right? Also I once asked him to get me a class of water and he said-
Because nothing ever goes wrong on tinder
Let me speak! He’s really sweet and he said he’s famous! He’s like a rapper or smth!
… your the woman
Like he said, I have limbs and he would only know that is he looks at me a lot and memorizes my features like that! he even noticed my expertise in cooking! He just, gets me!
You said you had other options, what about them?
fine. Oh there is another guy I’ve been chatting with on tinder!
And how was the text conversation?
Well I said “Oh my gosh I’m so in love with you” and he said…
What’s his name?
He said his name is D. Piddy
And you’ve never met him?
No, just texted. and a voice chat or two!
… Gorgeous woman?
So I said yes and sent him five grand
You did what????
I sent him money! anyways then he said…
… expensive nowadays. Ya know?
To which I replied yes again because I don’t mind being a sugar mama
Tell me you didn’t send D. Piddy the money
No, not yet!
Thank God, how much did he ask for?
Only 110,00 dollars
Girl a plane ticket does not cost that much?!
I know but he asked like such a gentleman, he said…
I didn’t do anything wrong tho… other than a few criminal cases
enough! he is not cheating me out of my money and his name is hot!
He’s literally asking for money then not visiting you.
Well, maybe he is but I have two more options anyways.
Dear god
Okay so there’s this one guy who is pretty rich and loves animals, I met him in person and I think he could really support me and a family financially!
Yeah, what are his hobbies?
He’s actually so quirky and not like other guys, He doesn’t like sports or any of the basic manly stuff, he likes collecting and gathering!
Collecting and gathering what?
Like a bunch of useful stuff people just toss out. Like half eaten yogurts and old, moldy cardboard school projects. He’s an environmentalist really! Very one mans trash is another mans treasure core!
What did he say to you?
Well I asked him where he gets his materials and he said-
Does he smell bad?
Yah, but hes perfect in every other way so I can look past it!
Wait the 9th? How many racoons has this guy had?
I don know, he just loves animals!
… off the table we are not doing this today
Whyyyyyyyy
What is the last option?
Okay so this last guys is like so hot its unreal. Like hotter than Ryan Reynolds or Theo James!
That’s a streatch
No you don’t understand!
Help us understand then!
He’s already been with so many ladies he’s definetly sought after too
And what happened with them?
Strangely enough, none of them were ever heard from again.
WHAT-
I’m sure they’re fine he has the materials to protect them from danger. so yeah I’m sure they’re okay, he seems like the protective type.
Wdym by has the materials?
I saw he had knives and ropes in the back of his car!
again, WHAT
He also has guns and what seems like women’s clothes, he must keep memories of his past relationships! how romantic!
have you talked to him yet?
Yeah! He was kind of playing hard to get tho, but he’s really creative in his pursuits!
How so?
Well I asked him if I was pretty and he said-
And your blood is probably a decent shade of red…
So dreamy right!?He has such a way with words, I think he was an English major or something. he’s such a poet how romantic.
I think he’s trying to kill you
I mean a man like that? he can stab me all he wants
You would look kind of ugly on my wall tbh
Like nobody has ever said that about me before!
What did you just say?
Yeah, he’s just so mysterious, have you seen the size of his knife?
It’s perfectly average if you ask me, I mean once you get to know me that’s all you really care abt right?
Like okay I like living on the edge but he’s just so, unique its like we were made for each other!
So your fine with him being a killer?
Well those are just allegations, nothings confirmed yet so I think he’s still a good person
… What if he kills you next?
Look if you got to meet him you would know he would never kill anyone and he just looks like he would with his white van and location always off on his phone, but like I respect a boundaries king!
… people who look hot
he has such a kind soul, come on just meet him i’m sure you’ll love him!
What are these for?
Well we love the element of surprise, he wouldn’t let me come over if I didnt break in myself! Duh!
No I am not going to a serial killer’s house!
Please just give him a shot! here take these!
SEE ANDREA HES OBVI A KILLER
Stop being so judgemental, hes a performance artist too!
.. your sisters?
Yeah these are my sisters, they wanted to meet you!
Well that’s good enough for me!
Woah man that’s not cool
Huh?
hey I think we should probably break up, killing my sisters is a little far so either we break up or you kill me too
Yeah lets just break up okay?
Oh, okay I guess that works too
what?
I mean why don’t you want to kill me too?
Because like your face wouldn’t match the collection’s aesthetic!
How come! put me next to the collection so you can see if I’ll match!
yeah I don’t think you match the vibe.
Okay that is it we are over!
