Radio Play Lines :3 Flashcards
Deadward: Hello, my name is Edward Deadman and I am dead. It wasn’t always this way, in fact, I was alive, like five minutes ago. Unfortunately, life has a tendency to make a hairpin turn for the worse. You see mere moments ago I was dancing with a few friends in my ballroom and as it goes I died. Ice pick through the neck, we’ve all been there.
(electrical generator kicks in)
Remus:
(Screams) Dear lord!
Coriander: Thank you, Edward, for inviting us, I’m sure it will be wonderful.
Remus:
(nervous chuckle) Yeah, great to be here…
Edward: Glad to see some enthusiasm out of you Remus, well we’ve got a night of festivities ahead of us. All aboard the gravy train.
(they begin to walk)
Remus:
So, Kristen, how are the kids?
Granny: Well Steve and Lucy are working on the ranch these days, John is still dead, and the twins just got out of prison on parole.
Remus:
Oh, nice.
Granny: Yeah, and how about your dog?
Remus:
Fine, she’s doing good…
Granny: Yes, I know a thing or two about funerals, as my son… (Granny yelps as she sees Fiona) A child!
Fiona: Hi there.
Remus:
What is going on, why is there a child?
Deadward: The room they go to is the gem of the house, the ballroom, where I have spent the last 6 months of my ever so short life creating the most incredible multi-story model railroad history has ever seen. This would be the first time I unveiled it to others, and unfortunately the last.
Remus:
Edward this is incredible, I’ve never seen anything on this scale before
Edward: That it is, got it directly from Helfgott’s own great, great-grandson.
Remus:
Incredible!
Edward: In fact it does! Let’s dance.
(cue up ballroom music)
(switch to ballroom dance floor)
Remus:
Oh hey Coriander, I was going through my inventory, and I found this Walton and Vanderbilt Stock Guard and uh.. I remembered you wanted one, so I brought it for you
Coriander: Oh! You really didn’t have to, but thank you. :)
Remus:
Uh, yeah, No problem. So, uh, I was wondering if you kinda wanted to, maybe-
Granny: REMUS! Buddy! May I have this dance?
Remus:
Oh um, s-sure Kristen, I, I’d love to…
Fiona: I’ve also got a Zippo if you want something more consistent.
(Dim match lights come up)
Remus:
(screams) Dear Lord!
Howard: Well golly gee man, that’s no good at all!
Remus:
This is horrible! What do we do?!
Howard: What a strange man.
Remus:
Oh god, is he dead dead!? Someone check!
Coriander: I did say that.
Fiona: Touché.
Remus:
There are more important things than who said what right now! Coriander, what do we do?