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biolgy > Radio Play Lines :3 > Flashcards

Radio Play Lines :3 Flashcards

1
Q

Deadward: Hello, my name is Edward Deadman and I am dead. It wasn’t always this way, in fact, I was alive, like five minutes ago. Unfortunately, life has a tendency to make a hairpin turn for the worse. You see mere moments ago I was dancing with a few friends in my ballroom and as it goes I died. Ice pick through the neck, we’ve all been there.
(electrical generator kicks in)

A

Remus:
(Screams) Dear lord!

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2
Q

Coriander: Thank you, Edward, for inviting us, I’m sure it will be wonderful.

A

Remus:
(nervous chuckle) Yeah, great to be here…

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3
Q

Edward: Glad to see some enthusiasm out of you Remus, well we’ve got a night of festivities ahead of us. All aboard the gravy train.
(they begin to walk)

A

Remus:
So, Kristen, how are the kids?

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4
Q

Granny: Well Steve and Lucy are working on the ranch these days, John is still dead, and the twins just got out of prison on parole.

A

Remus:
Oh, nice.

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5
Q

Granny: Yeah, and how about your dog?

A

Remus:
Fine, she’s doing good…

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6
Q

Granny: Yes, I know a thing or two about funerals, as my son… (Granny yelps as she sees Fiona) A child!
Fiona: Hi there.

A

Remus:
What is going on, why is there a child?

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7
Q

Deadward: The room they go to is the gem of the house, the ballroom, where I have spent the last 6 months of my ever so short life creating the most incredible multi-story model railroad history has ever seen. This would be the first time I unveiled it to others, and unfortunately the last.

A

Remus:
Edward this is incredible, I’ve never seen anything on this scale before

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8
Q

Edward: That it is, got it directly from Helfgott’s own great, great-grandson.

A

Remus:
Incredible!

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9
Q

Edward: In fact it does! Let’s dance.
(cue up ballroom music)
(switch to ballroom dance floor)

A

Remus:
Oh hey Coriander, I was going through my inventory, and I found this Walton and Vanderbilt Stock Guard and uh.. I remembered you wanted one, so I brought it for you

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10
Q

Coriander: Oh! You really didn’t have to, but thank you. :)

A

Remus:
Uh, yeah, No problem. So, uh, I was wondering if you kinda wanted to, maybe-

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11
Q

Granny: REMUS! Buddy! May I have this dance?

A

Remus:
Oh um, s-sure Kristen, I, I’d love to…

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12
Q

Fiona: I’ve also got a Zippo if you want something more consistent.
(Dim match lights come up)

A

Remus:
(screams) Dear Lord!

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13
Q

Howard: Well golly gee man, that’s no good at all!

A

Remus:
This is horrible! What do we do?!

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14
Q

Howard: What a strange man.

A

Remus:
Oh god, is he dead dead!? Someone check!

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15
Q

Coriander: I did say that.
Fiona: Touché.

A

Remus:
There are more important things than who said what right now! Coriander, what do we do?

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16
Q

Coriander: No, it’s just that we need to cover all our bases. What was everyone else doing, where were you Remus?

A

Remus:
With Kristen.

17
Q

Coriander: Well an ice pick doesn’t just “end up” in someone’s neck, now does it?

A

Remus:
Well I will say, Kristen and I were separated when the lights went out

18
Q

Granny: Yeah, I tried to dip him and dropped him when the lights went out.

A

Remus:
(under his breath) Yeah, thanks for that one Kristen.

19
Q

Granny: Well I was in the same place when we lit the matches, I didn’t move an inch.

A

Remus:
Well you could have moved and just come back to where you were standing.

20
Q

Granny: Are you accusing me of killing my own grand nephew?

A

Remus:
No, I’m just saying it looks a bit suspicious that’s all

21
Q

Fiona: (takes a drag of cigarette) If it’s anyone it would be the tentacle man wearing the suit.

A

Remus and Howie:
(in unison) What tentacle man?

22
Q

Fiona: (takes a drag of cigar) Man, if only we had some light in here.

A

Remus:
I’m trying but I can only hold so many matches, you know you could help a little.

23
Q

Fiona: I would, but I don’t want to.

A

Remus:
(sighs, followed by a beat) (lowered voice) So who do you think might have done this.

24
Q

Coriander: I don’t know yet, I have a few suspicions.

A

Remus:
About whom?

25
Q

Coriander: Well, Kristen does have a history of violence, the Butler is a bit strange…

A

Remus:
Really? The butler always seemed nice to me, and Kristen, I mean she does have the whole thing with the vehicular manslaughter, but what reason would she have to kill Edward?

26
Q

Coriander: Well I don’t know, there could be any number of reasons. Revenge, jealousy, I know a lot of murders are done for inheritance.

A

Remus:
What is that supposed to mean?

27
Q

Coriander: Nothing, it’s just a thought.
(sfx gas container being pulled out of junk)

A

Remus:
Oh! There it is!

28
Q

Coriander: There what is?

A

Remus:
The fuel can. It was right here behind the desk.

29
Q

Coriander: Alright, let’s head back, (pause) Where’s the kid?

A

Remus:
I don’t know, she was right behind us the whole time.

30
Q

Coriander: (sighs) Does ANYONE know that they SHOULDN’T be WANDERING AROUND a CRIME SCENE. It’s fine. I’m fine. Whatever. Let’s just get back

A

Remus:
(Calling out to the hallway) We got the gas can! We’ll bring it to you! MARCO!

31
Q

Coriander: Remus Fitzgerald, you were close to Mr. Edward, were you not?

A

Remus:
I was.

32
Q

Coriander: And what is your favorite Beatles album?

A

Remus:
Help!

33
Q

Coriander: I agree with Howard, Remus wouldn’t do something like this.

A

Remus:
Thank you, guys, that means a lot.

34
Q

Howard: Come on, this is madness! Remus, we’ve always been pals, can’t you give me a hand?

A

Remus:
I’m not so sure anymore, Howie… I don’t know what to believe after tonight.

35
Q

Deadward: When the lights came up the scene was so horrible I will not be describing it here tonight. Suffice it to say that Howard did not survive the ensuing fight. However, because Howard is an eldritch horror he cannot be killed on this plane of existence. His body will reform in about 7-10 business days depending on how busy the body reconstruction factories are. So don’t worry about him. However, if my great aunt has somehow enamored you, you should not be as optimistic as she has just committed full-on murder in front of everyone, even with the lights off it isn’t hard to tell who did it. So just keep that in mind as we return to the scene.
(lights come back on)

A

Remus:
(screams) She killed Howard!

36
Q

Granny: What? No! The lights were off, you didn’t see anything!

A

Remus:
You’re completely covered in blood! At least I think it’s blood, I’ve never seen green blood before!

37
Q

Granny: But did any of us really like him?

A

Remus:
Yes!

38
Q

Granny: It seems I read the room wrong.

A

Remus:
Coriander, can you arrest her?!

biolgy (6 decks)

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