butler lines :333 Flashcards
Edward: Howard Dunwich, life insurance salesman, whitepicket fence, just a normal person. Also an extraterrestrial abomination, psychic power and UFOs, strikes fear into the hearts of the innocent as he steals and feasts upon their human fears. That is, of course, when he is not wearing his human disguise.
Butler: Time marches ever onward, death is an inevitability; it will come for us all. I’ve locked all the doors, the windows are bulletproof, and I’ve cut the phone lines. It looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands. (maniacally laughs and disappears into shadow)
Howard: Oh you know, living on dreams… The dream! Living the dream! (Laughs nervously)
Butler: Hello everyone, has the hunger overtaken your body enough that you wish to consume meals in our household?
Howard: Uhhhhh….
Granny: Yup, I’m famished, got any mutton?
Butler: We do have the flesh of the fallen sheep, it is fresh, and cooked to perfection.
Howard: Well golly gee man, that’s no good at all!
Remus: This is horrible! What do we do?!
Butler: Time marches ever onward, death is an inevitability, it will come for us all. I’ve locked all the doors, the windows are bulletproof, and I’ve cut the phone lines. It looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands. (maniacally laughs and disappears into shadow)
Coriander: (Clap) The Butler! AUGH! He just faded into shadow not five minutes ago.
Granny: Where’s that dinner bell-BUTLER!! (rings bell)
Butler: (appearing from shadow) Hello, I was right behind you this entire time, would you like some tea? (ominous laughter)
Granny: Why thank you. (sips tea)
Coriander: Butler, what have you been up to?
Butler: I’ve been making tea, and I make some killer tea.
Granny: It is quite good
Coriander: Alright Butler, you’ve been moving around, who do you think it might have been?
Butler: It is a true mystery, but Coriander you and the child in the corner smoking the cigar are rather suspicious.
Coriander: What, why?
Butler: When I was dragging Edward’s body across the floor, I thought I heard you move, Miss Coriander, and also nobody has ever seen the child before.
Granny: Agreed, Butler do you know if this place has a backup generator?
Butler: It does, but it must be refueled, and I unfortunately have misplaced both the fuel and the generator. (Ominous laugh)
Coriander: Alright well perhaps we should split up and look for them, Howard and Kristen, you two can check the east wing, Remus you and I can look through the west wing, and Butler I’ll trust you to watch over the body while we search.
Butler: Yes, of course, you can trust me to ensure nothing goes wrong.
Howard: Oh my, where did you come from?
Butler: I have literally been here the whole time. The real question is how did you find the generator, I hid it so well. You truly are gifted investigators, for now… (disappears into shadow)
Granny: Got it!
Howard: The generator, nice! We should go find the others
Butler: Yes, It’s not safe to be alone in the dark for too long. (ominous laughter)
Deadward: This our fearless, that are really quite full of fear complete their first task in record time. The generator has roared back to life and the lights have turned back on. Now, then let’s return to the story.
Butler: So you got the lights back on. Very good, but can you solve the mystery?
Coriander: Butler, your footprints were found in Edward’s blood, he was being dragged behind the table, any explanation as to why that happened?
Butler: I was hiding the body behind the table. I had to move him into a position that was easier to pickpocket.
Howard:(Voice pitched down/distorted) Now you see, I just wanted to get to know humans-
Granny: Butler! Cut the lights!
Butler: It would be my pleasure.
