Persuasion/Influence Flashcards
Simonesquared Tricks
Misattribution of Arousal: if you want someone to like you or be friends, do something that spikes your adrenaline. Maybe don’t do it during 1st date
Body Language Affects Your Emotions: also how people perceive you.
Saying their Name & Remember It: makes them like you
Mirror their Body Language: makes them like you
Stay Silent: to get more info
Chew Gum to Reduce Anxiety: brain calms down when eating
Oversharing When You First Meet Someone Makes Them Like You Less
Perfect People are Less Liked. Flawed People are Liked More
Asking for Favors Makes People Like You More: small favors
Plant a Seed in Someone’s Mind & Make Them Think They Thought of It: drop hints of info but don’t tell the what to do & what to think but enough for them to piece it together themselves
Stroke their Ego When You Make a Mistake, Don’t Apologize: thank you for your patience/understanding/empathy about my situation. Apologizing will make them think less of you.
Use Primary & Recency Effect in Daily Life: for dates do it in the beginning or end of the day. Useful for learning info, etc. Beginning is much better however.
Give Some Options but Not Alot: don’t give too many or else info overload.
How to Get Whatever You Want w/ Options: makes the other options really bad but your desired option really good. Or for making someone do something make the first option really difficult/impossible & your option very simple. Have a huge contrast between the options.
Having a Plan B Decreases the Success Chance of Plan A
It Takes ONE Negative Thought to Counteract 5 Positive Ones: we have a negativity bias.
Be Aware of Confirmation Bias: take this into account when asking for advice. People only want certain info or give certain info supporting their beliefs.
People Act to Your Expectations (Self Fulfilling Prophecy): when you want people to perform well.
Smart Kid= Hardwork: praise kids on their hardwork instead of their natural ability.
Worrying about What is Going to Happen is Pointless
Reasons Grant Requests Theory
Go to a Job Interview Early (20 min) & Talk to People to Reduce Nerves: makes you feel more comfortable & familiar w/ the environment
Free Things Aren’t Valued as Much: always charge for your time
Get Someone’s Guard Down by Reducing How Intimidating You Are: act a little dumber, non-threatening, etc.
If Someone Won’t Stop Talking to You, Walk Them Away to Their Room/Desk/Door
Use Unconscious Feature Transfer to Appear Better. Describe Other People Nicely: people will associate you w/ adjectives you use to describe others. If you’re always talking negative about others, they will associate negativity w/ you.
Wearing Red Makes You More Attractive: good for dates, interviews
GI Joe Fallacy. Knowing is Not Half the Battle: our brain is easily tricked
Your Happiness is Determined by: 50% genes, 10% circumstances, 40% thoughts, actions & attitudes: exterior does not matter as much as internal
People Tend to Look More Attractive When They’re Talking about Something They’re Passionate About
Motion Creates Emotion Theory: body language comes before emotion. Confident stance, smiling.
Confirmation Bias is Always at Work: you may manipulate your circumstances to align w/ your beliefs
Foot-in-the-Door Theory: small ask then big ask
Door-in-the-Face Theory: ask big then small
Change is just as Good as Rest
DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR GOALS TO INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF SUCCESS: talking makes it less likely
Want Someone to Take You & Ideas Seriously, “Reference” Credible Resources (Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Elon Musk etc.)
Using the Word BECAUSE Will Make People More Likely to Do Something: I need to skip the line bc I need to print ex. It doesn’t matter how bizarre the reasoning is.
Tell People What They Should Do, Not What They Shouldn’t
Disrupt the Reframe Technique/Confuse People to Make Them Agree w/ You: 300 pennies for 8 cards is a bargain ex. Confuses people bc it disrupts the thought process. People will usually agree w/ you to make their lives more simple.
Try to Make People Laugh
Use the Word EVERYONE to Get Someone to Do Something
If You Want to Persuade Someone Use their Name in the Middle of a Request: makes them feel acknowledged & more agreeable.
Throw Someone Off in a Debate= Kind of Smile at Them & Ignore Them. Use Silence to Gain Power
To Get Someone Addicted to You, Create a Trauma Bond: you be hot & cold. Give them mass amounts of serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine & take it away from them. High swings of positive & negative emotions. Takes long to break for the other person.
Negotiation: Never Take the 1st Offer, Make a Visible Flinch or Grunt during the Initial Offer. Look a Little Disgusted
Make the Other Options Look Bad & 1 Stand Out
Never Outshine the Master
Get People to Talk about Themselves or Brag so They Like You More
During Interviews Always Talk about What You Offer. Always Sell Yourself & What You Can Offer
Sit Next to Someone or in Close Proximity to Someone Giving You Criticism. Sit Next to Your Enemy.
Openly Show You Make Mistakes But Not Too Many. Be Relatable but Not Sloppy.
Ask Someone for a Favor or to Explain Something for You to Make Them Like You More
Nodding Makes What You’re Saying More Believable & They Will Be More Likely to Do What You Want
When Someone Raises Their Voice at You, Don’t React & It Will Make Them Look like a Fool. Interject During a Fight by Asking Something Person - They will Soften & Let their Guard Down.
10 Simple Psych Tricks That Always Work
- Try yawning to learn if someone was looking at you
- Diffuse conflict with food (also serves as good icebreaker during date), settle it in a place where other people are around
- Stay silent during conversation to let them answer more than they would
- Use serial position during interview, talk about yourself during the beginning and end (first or last place)
- Do an activity that gets your blood/adrenaline pumping to form a stronger bond with someone
- Control people’s assumptions about you by pointing out something you have in common with the person (the halo effect)
- Make someone feel important by using their name throughout the conversation & paraphrasing technique when you are speaking back to them
- Pose a false dilemma to get a person to help you; they won’t have a chance to say no (is it easier for you to feed the cat in the morning or evening)
- Get people to believe in you by speaking confidently and eliminating the phrase “I think”
- Keep people’s attention by keeping direct eye contact w/ them, nod while talking to show confidence
(You Fucking Slut; Pussy Ass Sex; Never Fucking Swallow Everything)
10 Simple Tricks to Manipulate People’s Mind
- Mirror your opponent’s body language to make them trust you
- Use the word because to have it your way
- Pause to give your words a bigger effect, always try to use a calm but confident tone, don’t talk too fast
- stay silent to find out more
- be the first or last to make someone remember you
- sit next to your opponent to receive less criticism
- ask someone for a favor to change their perception of you
- use contrast to get what you want (ask bigger than what you want)
- nod slightly to make someone agree with you
- draw a triangle with your eyes to stop a convo during eyes and forehead
(Most Boobs Pop; Suck Penis Now; Fuck Cunts N Tits)
11 Manipulation Tactics – Which Ones Fit Your Personality
- charm: try to be loving when you ask her to do it
- coercion: yell at him until he does it
- silent treatment: don’t respond until it is done
- reason: explain why I want him to do it
- regression: whine until it is done
- self-abasement/being humble: act submissive so that it will be done
- responsibility/guilty invocation: get them to make a commitment to doing it
- hardball/torture: hit him so that he will do it
- pleasure induction: show her how much fun it will be to do it
- social comparison: tell them everyone else is doing it
- monetary reward: offer her money so they will
(Cocks Cunts Suck; Really Rim Suck; Rape Her Pussy So Much)
48 Laws of Power
Law 1: Never Outshine the Master
Do not showcase your superior talents, or it will make those above you dislike you
Law 2: Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends. Use Your Enemies
Friends will envy and resent you, turn into frenemies, and plot against you. Turn your enemies into allies, instead
Law 3: Conceal Your Intentions
Never say what you’re really up to
Law 4: Always Say Less than Necessary
Powerful people impress by talking less
Law 5: Protect Your Reputation at All Costs
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. If you want to destroy someone, attack their reputation
Law 6: Court Attention at All Costs
Stand out from the crowd
Law 7: Get Others Do the Work For You, But Take the Credit
Do what most bosses do: use your team, but present the result as if it happened because of them
Law 8: Make People Come to You
Avoid chasing people, but make others approach you and ask you for favors
Law 9: Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument
Talk is cheap, actions always speak louder
Law 10: Don’t Get Infected by Misery and Misfortune
Avoid the losers and complainers, associate with the happy and the winners
Law 11: Learn to Keep People Dependent on You
Make yourself indispensable
Law 12: Use Selective Honesty & Generosity to Disarm Your Victim
One act of honesty will cover a dozen of dishonest ones
First, make them trust you, and then you deceive them big
Law 13: Get Help by Appealing to Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy
If you need help, don’t remind people of the past good you’ve done for them. Instead, find what’s in it for them today
Law 14: Pose As a Friend Work As a Spy
Gather intelligence and learn people’s secrets by getting close to them
Law 15: Crush Your Enemy Totally
Don’t wound. Kill
Law 16: Raise your Value Through Absence and Scarcity
Don’t be too present. Create value through scarcity and absence
Law 17: Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability
Predictability makes you an easy target. Make your moves more random, become more unpredictable
Law 18: Don’t Isolate Yourself Behind a Fortress
Isolation is dangerous and cuts you off from information: mingle with the people, instead
Law 19: Know Who You’re Dealing with
Pick good targets, and don’t cross the wrong people
Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone
Maintain your Independence as long as possible
Law 21: Play A Sucker to Catch a Sucker: Seem Dumber Than Your Mark
Seem dumber than you really are and your opponent will lower his guard
Law 22: Use the Surrender Tactic
Don’t fight until the bitter end, but surrender and regroup
Law 23: Concentrate Your Forces
Intensity and deep work yield better results
Law 24: Play the Perfect Courtier
Learn to play politics
Law 25: Re-Create Yourself
Be the master of your own identity, don’t let others define you
Law 26: Keep Your Hands Clean
Use others to do the illegal and immoral deeds while you look above reproach
Law 27: Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
Create a cult-like following where you are the cult-master
Law 28: Enter Action With Boldness
Timidity is weak. Do it boldly and convinced, or don’t do it at all
Law 29: Plan All The Way to The End
Make your luck by drafting proper and accurate plans that begin from the most important part: the end goal
Law 30: Make Your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
You look immensely competent and powerful when you achieve your goals without breaking a sweat
Law 31: Control the Options
Make people feel like they had a choice, but truly only give choices that see you as the winner
Law 32: Play to People’s Fantasies
Give people what they want to hear, not the truth
Law 33: Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew
Find your opponent’s weaknesses, insecurities, and hot buttons
Law 34: Be Royal in Your Own Fashion – Act Like a King to Be Treated Like One
Act like the person you want to become
Law 35: Master the Art of Timing
Never seem in a hurry, but look calm and collected like you always have things under control
Law 36: Disdain Things You Cannot Have: Ignoring Them is the Best Revenge
If you can’t have something, pretend it doesn’t even register in your brain. Pretend it doesn’t exist
Law 37: Create Compelling Spectacles
Dazzle people with big shows that cover the harsher reality that you don’t want them to see
Law 38: Think As You Like, But Behave Like Others
When you go against the grain you communicate you feel superior. People will resent you. Blend in, instead
Law 39: Stir Up Waters to Catch Fish
Make your enemies angry and emotional
Law 40: Despise the Free Lunch
Freebies come with strings attached. Instead of taking freebies, offer them: generosity is a sign and magnet for power
Law 41: Avoid Stepping Into a Great Man’s Shoes
Don’t follow great leaders in their footsteps or you look like a smaller hanger-on. Carve your own path, instead
Law 42: Strike the Shepherd to Scatter the Sheep
Deal with the problem at its source. Strike the source of the trouble, the leader, or the main instigator
Law 43: Work on The Hearts and Minds of Others
Influence beats dominance. Direct people gracefully, master the art of gentle influence
Appeal to hearts (emotions) first and foremost. Then deal with the minds (rationality)
Law 44: Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
Copy with they do: it’s a great technique to stir water and make them angry and emotionally unhinged
Law 45: Preach the Need for Change, But Never Reform Too Much at Once
Change is traumatic, and people will resist it: make your changes slow and gentle
Law 46: Never Appear Too Perfect
Make the average masses feel closer to you with strategic vulnerability
Law 47: Do Not go Past The Mark You Aimed For, In Victory, Know When to Stop
Don’t push too far, stop when you achieve your goal
Law 48: Assume Formlessness
Everything changes. What worked today won’t necessarily work tomorrow. And you must adapt to thrive
Exactly What To Say
Key Lessons from “Exactly What to Say” (In Ohio We Have Just Water In Short. You Take It I Die. Make The Water Weave By In Enough Jaws And Jug) I’m Not Sure If It’s for You, But Open-Minded What Do You Know? How Would You Feel If? Just Imagine When Would Be a Good Time? I’m Guessing You Haven’t Got Around To Simple Swaps You Have Three Options Two Types of People I Bet You’re a Bit Like Me If… Then Don’t Worry Most People The Good News What Happens Next What Makes You Say That? Before You Make Your Mind Up If I Can, Will You? Enough Just One More Thing A Favor Just Out of Curiosity
How to Make Small Talk w/ Anyone
Grease the wheels early w/ a compliment - work, energy, physical
Transition between topics using “reminds me” of thinking
Ping for topics of mutual interest
Get other people excited about the convo - ask why, ask fun questions
Create a connection w/ people while listening - laugh, mirror & repeat the last few words or selective words
(CRAMS)
Laws of Human Nature
- The Law of Irrationality
Law: Often people are dominated by emotions and behave irrationally without realizing it. This is the source of bad decisions and negative patterns in life.
Example: Athenes prospered when it was led by Pericles in 400 BC, who is believed to have been a very rational man. After he left the political arena Athenes started to regress.
Advice: You need to control your emotions and behave rationally. - The Law of Narcissism
Law: Many people are narcissists i.e. focus on and admire themselves more than others. This hinders their success when interacting with others. Narcissists can be dangerous.
Example: Joseph Stalin — premier of the Soviet Union — was a very charming and influential person. He was also a narcissist who killed many people during his reign. Leo Tolstoy — a Russian novelist — and his wife Sonya were both narcissists. Their relationship was complicated. Lack of empathy made the partners retreat deeper and deeper into their own defensive positions.
Advice: You need to transform self-love into empathy. This will make you more successful in your group. - The Law of Role-playing
Law: People tend to wear the mask that shows them in the best possible light. They hide their true personality.
Example: Milton Erickson — an American psychiatrist and psychologist of 20th century — was paralysed when he was
young and became a master reader of people body language.
Advice: You must master the body language by transforming yourself into a superior reader of men and women. At the same time you must learn how to present the best front and play your role to maximum effect.
Impression management — a conscious or subconscious process in which people attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event. - The Law of Compulsive Behavior
Law: People never do something just once. They will inevitably repeat their bad behavior.
Example: Howard Hughes Jr. — an American business magnate, investor, record-setting pilot, engineer, film director, and philanthropist — had a weak character since his childhood. He managed to disguise it in his early career which brought him success. However it manifested later in his life and resulted in many failures including Hughes Aircraft Company.
Advice: Train yourself to look deep within people and see their character. Always gravitate toward those who display signs of strength, and avoid the many toxic types out there. - The Law of Covetousness
Law: People continually desire to possess what they don’t have.
Example: Coco Chanel — a French fashion designer and business woman — became so successful not only because she created great products but because she understood that people desire what they don’t have and created an air of mystery around her work.
Advice: Become an elusive object of desire. - The Law of Shortsightedness
Law: People tend to overreact to present circumstances and ignore what will happen in the future.
Example: The South Sea Company — a British joint-stock company founded in 1711 — became known as the South Sea Bubble. It was obvious that the company can’t succeed long-term but it didn’t stop many people from investing in its shares.
Advice: When making decisions think about the near and far future. - The Law of Defensiveness
Law: People don’t like when someone is trying to change their opinion.
Example: Lyndon Johnson — the 36th president of the United States — gained his influence and power by focusing on others, letting them do the talking, letting them be the stars of the show.
Advice: Soften people’s resistance by confirming their self-opinion.
Five Strategies for Becoming a Master Persuader:
Transform yourself into a deep listener.
Infect people with the proper mood.
Confirm their self-opinion.
Allay their insecurities.
Use people’s resistance and stubbornness. - The Law of Self-sabotage
Law: Our attitude determines much of what happens in our life.
Example: Anton Chekhov — a Russian playwright and short-story writer — had a tough childhood but in spite of that was able to change his life by changing his view of the world from negative to positive.
Advice: Change your circumstances by changing your attitude. - The Law of Repression
Law: People are rarely who they seem to be. Lurking beneath their polite, affable exterior is inevitably a dark, shadow side consisting of the insecurities and the aggressive, selfish impulses they repress and carefully conceal from public view.
Example: Richard Nixon — the 37th president of the United States — always had a positive image in the public. Everything changed after the Watergate scandal which revealed his hidden personality.
Advice: Be aware of your own dark side. Control and channel the creative energies that lurk in your unconscious. By integrating the dark side into your personality, you will be a more complete human and will radiate an authenticity that will draw people to you. - The Law of Envy
Law: People are envious.
Example: Mary Shelley — author of the novel Frankenstein — was betrayed by her close friend who envied her.
Advice: Learn to deflect envy by drawing attention away from yourself. Develop your sense of self-worth from internal standards and not incessant comparisons. - The Law of Grandiosity
Law: Even a small measure of success can elevate our natural grandiosity — an unrealistic sense of superiority, a sustained view of oneself as better than others. This can make us lose contact with reality and make irrational decisions.
Example: Michael Eisner had to resign from the CEO position of The Walt Disney Company. In the author’s opinion the cause is Eisner’s grandiosity elevated by previous successes.
Advice: Counteract the pull of grandiosity by maintaining a realistic assessment of yourself and your limits. Tie any feelings of greatness to your work, your achievements, and your contributions to society. - The Law of Gender Rigidity
Law: All of us have masculine and feminine qualities. But in the need to present a consistent identity in society, we tend to repress these qualities, overidentifying with the masculine or feminine role expected of us. Thereby we lose valuable dimensions to our character.
Example: Caterina Sforza became an Italian noblewoman and Countess of Forlì and Lady of Imola. Such titles were unusual for women in her time. In the author’s opinion her masculine qualities helped her to achieve this.
Advice: You must become aware of these lost masculine or feminine traits and slowly reconnect to them, unleashing creative powers in the process. - The Law of Aimlessness
Law: People become most successful when they have a sense of purpose in their life.
Example: Martin Luther King Jr. is best known for advancing civil rights through nonviolence and civil disobedience. His calling directed his actions and helped him go through many failures in his life.
Advice: Develop a sense of purpose, discover your calling in life and use it to guide your decisions. - The Law of Conformity
Law: We have a side to our character that we are generally unaware of — our social personality, the different person we become when we operate in groups of people. In the group setting, we unconsciously imitate what others are saying and doing. We think differently, more concerned with fitting in and believing what others believe. We feel different emotions, infected by the group mood. We are more prone to taking risks, to acting irrationally, because everyone else is.
Example: Gao Yuan tells a story in his book Born Red showed that people in groups behave emotional and excited. They don’t engage in nuanced thinking and deep analysis.
Advice: Develop self-awareness and a superior understanding of the changes that occur in us in groups. With such intelligence, we can become superior social actors, able to outwardly fit in and cooperate with others on a high level, while retaining our independence and rationality. - The Law of Fickleness
Law: People are always ambivalent about those in power. They want to be led but also to feel free; they want to be protected and enjoy prosperity without making sacrifices; they both worship the king and want to kill him. When you are the leader of a group, people are continually prepared to turn on you the moment you seem weak or experience a setback.
Example: Elizabeth I — Queen of England and Ireland in 16th century — had to constantly prove herself as the leader of the country. She never relied on her royal blood for this.
Advice: Authority is the delicate art of creating the appearance of power, legitimacy, and fairness while getting people to identify with you as a leader who is in their service. If you want to lead, you must master this art from early on in your life. - The Law of Aggression
Law: On the surface, the people around you appear so polite and civilized. But beneath the mask, they are all inevitably dealing with frustrations. They have a need to influence people and gain power over circumstances. Feeling blocked in their endeavors, they often try to assert themselves in manipulative ways that catch you by surprise. And then there are those whose need for power and impatience to obtain it are greater than others. They turn particularly aggressive, getting their way by intimidating people, being relentless and willing to do almost anything.
Example: John D. Rockefeller — American oil industry business magnate — used aggressive strategies to gain power and control.
Advice: You must recognize the signs — the past patterns of behavior, the obsessive need to control everything in their environment — that indicate the dangerous types. They depend on making you emotional — afraid, angry — and unable to think straight. Do not give them this power. When it comes to your own aggressive energy, learn to tame and channel it for productive purposes — standing up for yourself, attacking problems with relentless energy, realizing great ambitions. - The Law of Generational Myopia
Law: You are born into a generation that defines who you are more than you can imagine. Your generation wants to separate itself from the previous one and set a new tone for the world. In the process, it forms certain tastes, values, and ways of thinking that you as an individual internalize. As you get older, these generational values and ideas tend to close you off from other points of view, constraining your mind.
Example: King Louis XVI of France is shown as an example of someone out of tune with the times. He fell victim to the French revolution when France was declared to be a Republic and abolished the monarchy. He was executed in 1793.
Advice: Knowing in depth the spirit of your generation and the times you live in, you will be better able to exploit the zeitgeist. You will be the one to anticipate and set the trends that your generation hungers for. You will free your mind from the mental constraints placed on you by your generation, and you will become more of the individual you imagine yourself to be, with all the power that freedom will bring you. - The Law of Death Denial
Law: Most people spend their lives avoiding the thought of death.
Example: Mary Flannery O’Connor — an American novelist and short story writer — was diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus when she was 27. Her proximity to death was a call to stir herself to action, to feel a sense of urgency, to deepen her religious faith and spark her sense of wonder at all mysteries and uncertainties of life. She used the closeness of death to teach her what really matters and to help her steer clear of the petty squabbles and concerns that plagued others. She used it to anchor herself in the present, to make her appreciate every moment and every encounter.
Advice: The inevitability of death should be continually on our minds. Understanding the shortness of life fills us with a sense of purpose and urgency to realize our goals. Training ourselves to confront and accept this reality makes it easier to manage the inevitable setbacks, separations, and crises in life. It gives us a sense of proportion, of what really matters in this brief existence of ours. Most people continually look for ways to separate themselves from others and feel superior. Instead, we must see the mortality in everyone, how it equalizes and connects us all. By becoming deeply aware of our mortality, we intensify our experience of every aspect of life.
Extra
Biases that distort our thought processes and decisions:
Confirmation Bias: I look at the evidence and arrive at my decisions through more or less rational processes.
Conviction Bias: I believe in this idea so strongly. It must be true.
Appearance Bias: I understand the people I deal with; I see them just as they are.
The Group Bias: My ideas are my own. I do not listen to the group. I am not a conformist.
The Blame Bias: I learn from my experience and mistakes.
Superiority Bias: I’m different. I’m more rational than others, more ethical as well.
Strategies Toward Bringing Out the Rational Self:
Know yourself thoroughly
Examine your emotions to their roots
Increase your reaction time
Accept people as facts
Find the optimal balance of thinking and emotion
Love the rational
Mentalist Method
Using psychological momentum: In what situation would a person’s character benefit my goals. Create/frame the right situation w/ their traits. Weaknesses that can be exposed= outspokenness, low self-esteem, naiveness, contrarian, empathy, any common repeated behavior. Can also reframe strengths into weaknesses
Reverse Psychology
Are you opposed to/against (your desired choice)
The Key to Influencing Others
The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. ALWAYS BE AWARE & OBSERVING. THINK AS OTHERS THINK.
The Secret of Success
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
