Part One Flashcards
(23 cards)
Self Betrayal
An act contrary to what we feel we should do
Collusion
Interactions with others after we provoke them to be in the box with us/mutual mistreatment
When we’re in the box we tend to inflate what?
Our ego
What are the stages of learning?
Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious competence, Unconscious competence, and Vulnerability(we must regress before we progress again)
What is unconscious incompetence?
You don’t know you don’t know
What is Conscious Incompetence?
Aware of what you can’t do
What is Conscious Competence?
You are aware of what you don’t know and you start trying to be competent
Unconscious Competence
You do it without thinking
What is Brockriede’s Arguers as Lovers?
It’s looking at relationships through the metaphor of romantic love.
What is the difference between uni and bi lateral communication?
Unilateral communication is one way, bilateral is two-way. Bilateral focuses on others and Unilateral focuses on self.
What is Seduction? Give an example.
Unilateral Communication; Seduction persuades the other party to adhere to his way of thinking using tricks and charisma. Example: When a teen goes above and beyond in his chores to persuade his parent to let him stay out later than usual.
What is Rape? Give an example
Rape is Unilateral Communication. The rapist feels superior to the co-arguer. They see them as lesser than. They use power to get what they want without any thought to how the other person feels. An example is an employer yelling at his employee demanding that the employee take some kind of action.
What is Love? Give an example.
Bilateral Communication. The Lover sees the co-arguer as an equal, as another human with thoughts and feelings that matter. They are willing to admit when they are wrong and open up in order to help the relationship. An example of this is when a mother discusses a household problem with her child and willingly listens to the child and admits when she is wrong.
What are the three family environment types?
Aggressive, Avoidant, and Collaborative
What are the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse?
Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling, Defensiveness
What does Criticism look like in a marriage?
Criticizing the other person. Criticism is the best predictor of divorce. Used more by women than men
What does contempt look like?
When you are using contempt, you are putting yourself above your partner. You use mockery and insults, putting the other one down.
What does stonewalling look like?
Stonewalling is completely withdrawing from an argument and refusing to engage to help resolve the conflict. Used more by men than women.
What is Defensiveness in a marriage?
When you are using defensiveness, you are in protection mode. You are trying to protect yourself.
List 3 types of Interaction Goals
Prospective, Transactive, Retrospective
What is a prospective interaction goal?
A goal that evolves before an encounter.
What is a transactive goal?
A goal that evolves during an encounter.
What is a retrospective goal?
A goal that evolves after the encounter.
