Part One

Question 1

Self Betrayal

Answer 1

An act contrary to what we feel we should do

Question 2

Collusion

Answer 2

Interactions with others after we provoke them to be in the box with us/mutual mistreatment

Question 3

When we’re in the box we tend to inflate what?

Answer 3

Our ego

Question 4

What are the stages of learning?

Answer 4

Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious competence, Unconscious competence, and Vulnerability(we must regress before we progress again)

Question 5

What is unconscious incompetence?

Answer 5

You don’t know you don’t know

Question 6

What is Conscious Incompetence?

Answer 6

Aware of what you can’t do

Question 7

What is Conscious Competence?

Answer 7

You are aware of what you don’t know and you start trying to be competent

Question 8

Unconscious Competence

Answer 8

You do it without thinking

Question 9

What is Brockriede’s Arguers as Lovers?

Answer 9

It’s looking at relationships through the metaphor of romantic love.

Question 10

What is the difference between uni and bi lateral communication?

Answer 10

Unilateral communication is one way, bilateral is two-way. Bilateral focuses on others and Unilateral focuses on self.

Question 11

What is Seduction? Give an example.

Answer 11

Unilateral Communication; Seduction persuades the other party to adhere to his way of thinking using tricks and charisma. Example: When a teen goes above and beyond in his chores to persuade his parent to let him stay out later than usual.

Question 12

What is Rape? Give an example

Answer 12

Rape is Unilateral Communication. The rapist feels superior to the co-arguer. They see them as lesser than. They use power to get what they want without any thought to how the other person feels. An example is an employer yelling at his employee demanding that the employee take some kind of action.

Question 13

What is Love? Give an example.

Answer 13

Bilateral Communication. The Lover sees the co-arguer as an equal, as another human with thoughts and feelings that matter. They are willing to admit when they are wrong and open up in order to help the relationship. An example of this is when a mother discusses a household problem with her child and willingly listens to the child and admits when she is wrong.

Question 14

What are the three family environment types?

Answer 14

Aggressive, Avoidant, and Collaborative

Question 15

What are the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse?

Answer 15

Criticism, Contempt, Stonewalling, Defensiveness

Question 16

What does Criticism look like in a marriage?

Answer 16

Criticizing the other person. Criticism is the best predictor of divorce. Used more by women than men

Question 17

What does contempt look like?

Answer 17

When you are using contempt, you are putting yourself above your partner. You use mockery and insults, putting the other one down.

Question 18

What does stonewalling look like?

Answer 18

Stonewalling is completely withdrawing from an argument and refusing to engage to help resolve the conflict. Used more by men than women.

Question 19

What is Defensiveness in a marriage?

Answer 19

When you are using defensiveness, you are in protection mode. You are trying to protect yourself.

Question 20

List 3 types of Interaction Goals

Answer 20

Prospective, Transactive, Retrospective

Question 21

What is a prospective interaction goal?

Answer 21

A goal that evolves before an encounter.

Question 22

What is a transactive goal?

Answer 22

A goal that evolves during an encounter.

Question 23

What is a retrospective goal?

Answer 23

A goal that evolves after the encounter.