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DG GG > ONE > Flashcards

ONE Flashcards

1
Q

B: Their deep husky masculine voices.

A

Oh hi, Blanche.

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2
Q

Oh lordy, I’m even starting to hallucinate it.

A

What’s going on?

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3
Q

B: No I don’t mind getting old. It’s looking old that seems to be the problem.

A

Okay, so you’re five years older, so am I, so is Rose. Alright, so you have a few more wrinkles, so do I, so does Rose. Okay, so you’re a little thicker around the middle, so is Rose.

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4
Q

B: …I am deciding in this moment to take some drastic preventative measures.

A

I hope you’re not talking about plastic surgery, Blanche.

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5
Q

B: Rose, that’s Madonna getting out of a taxi.

A

Ewwwwwwwww.

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6
Q

B: I have a perfect hourglass figure.

A

With ninety minutes extra at the bottom.

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7
Q

S: …it’s the matching floaties, that have got to go.

A

Well I for one think plastic surgery is terrible.

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8
Q

R: …get ready for the Annual Miss St. Olaf Yodel Off.

A

The Annual Miss Saint Olaf Yodel Off?

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9
Q

R: …no one has ever seen such a convincing bearded lady!

A

Rose, hand me that magazine.

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10
Q

R: No, you’re going to hit me with it.

A

No I’m not.

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11
Q

R: Promise?

A

Yes

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12
Q

S: A little nip here. A little tuck there.

A

Ma, what the hell are you doing?

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13
Q

S: …but pretty soon it will all be over.

A

What are you talking about?

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14
Q

S: Plastic surgery, Dorothy. Keep up!

A

Oh ma, you already know my feelings about plastic surgery. I think Blanche made a huge mistake going through with it.

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15
Q

R: Is Blanche back from the hospital yet?

A

She should be back any minute now.

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16
Q

B: What on earth do you mean?

A

Haven’t you seen yourself yet?

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17
Q

B: No. Why?

A

Oh, Blanche. I don’t want to say that I was right. So. (Zip)

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18
Q

B: You’re just trying to scare me. Well, it’s not going to work.

A

Blanche, if anyone is going to be scared, it’ll be the neighborhood children when they see you coming.

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19
Q

B: I wish I were dead!

A

Blanche, you’re overreacting.

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20
Q

B: Some of us haven’t had a lifetime to get used to looking in the mirror and disliking what we see.

A

You’re right, Blanche. In fact, it’s even worse than you think.

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21
Q

S: She would know. She can’t even get a date.

A

Ma, stop helping.

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22
Q

S: Well, it’s true. You haven’t had a date in 4 years.

A

Ma!

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23
Q

B: That’s good to hear.

A

Is my misery actually making you feel better about yourself, Blanche?

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24
Q

B: Yes!!

A

Well, at least we can all be honest with each other. By the way, Blanche, that color really compliments your stretch marks.

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25
Q

S: Dorothy, I hope Blanche’s face hasn’t scared you out of getting a few procedures of your own.

A

Blanche’s face has scared me out of ever falling asleep again.

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26
Q

S: Oh, why won’t you just think about it?

A

Ma, you’re supposed to tell me that I’m beautiful no matter what.

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27
Q

S: I would, but my New Year’s Resolution was to lie less.

A

I can’t believe you’re still advocating for plastic surgery, even after seeing how much worse Blanche’s face looks.

28
Q

S: That’s different.

A

How?

29
Q

Your face is already a lost cause; they have no way to mess it up worse. No offense, pussycat.

A

None taken, you cankerous little prune.

30
Q

(Blanche comes in with her face covered)

A

Please! You can take my mother, just leave me the diamonds!

31
Q

B: Dorothy it’s me!

A

Blanche? What the hell are you wearing?

32
Q

R: We’re going to run some errands. Do you need anything from the store?

A

Rose, why are you wearing one too?!

33
Q

R: Solidarity.

A

Look at this, tweedle dum and tweedle sl*t.

34
Q

R: Which one’s which?

A

Is this really your plan? To cover your head for the rest of your life?

35
Q

B: … but my horrible monstrosity of a face will now just make things worse.

A

And you think you’ll be able to find a man with your face covered?

36
Q

B: Oh sure, I have plenty of assets that I can use to land myself a man that don’t involve my face.

A

Chloroform?

37
Q

R: I think she meant that she’s a sl*t.

A

You really should have taken my advice, Blanche. Plastic surgery is always a mistake.

38
Q

B: You’ll have to forgive me for not taking dating advice from the woman who turned seven of her ex boyfriends gay.

A

You know, actually there is one favor you can do for me.

39
Q

R: What’s that?

A

Stop at the bank and make a withdrawal.

40
Q

R: Absolutely, what’s the pin number?

A

If you just wave your arms, and say “give me all of your money,” they’ll know the account.

41
Q

B: …And I’m not going to take this standing up.

A

Something Blanche Deveraux has never said before.

42
Q

S: … and get this, he only has four pending lawsuits.

A

Ah ma, knock it off. I already told you, I’m not having any work done.

43
Q

S: Dorothy, would it make you feel any better if I told you, that I too have gone under the knife.

A

You have not!

44
Q

S: Oh, yes I have. I’ve had a boob lift.

A

You mean a boob job?

45
Q

S: No.

A

You mean a face lift?

46
Q

S: I mean a boob lift. They lifted them from waist to navel.

A

You’re making that up.

47
Q

S: So what if I am? I’ll say anything to get you to reconsider.

A

Give it up, Ma. It’s not going to happen.

48
Q

S: Dorothy, do you really plan on being miserable for the rest of your life?

A

That depends.

49
Q

S: On what?

A

How long you plan on living.

50
Q

(The phone rings)

A

Yes? Oh my god. Alright!

51
Q

S: What is it?

A

Blanche was in a car accident, and she’s being rushed to the hospital.

52
Q

(Dorothy and Rose carry Blanche in)

A

Careful now careful. Let’s put her on the couch.

53
Q

Look on the bright side, at least it can’t be any worse than her last one.

A

Ma, have some sympathy. Blanche was in a terrible accident.

54
Q

B: Dorothy, you were right.

A

Thank you, Blanche. I’m over here. I know that was difficult for you.

55
Q

B: I should have never messed with that plastic surgery stuff. Who paints over a masterpiece?

A

I’m just glad we can put all of this nonsense behind us now.

56
Q

B: …I will be stuck with for the rest of my life.

A

Let’s start unwrapping.

57
Q

R: She’s probably hoping that Blanche’s face is even more of a horror than before.

A

That’s not true!

58
Q

B: Girls, don’t be so hard on Dorothy.

A

Thank you, Blanche.

59
Q

B: Absolutely. This whole ordeal has completely changed my perspective on things, and from now on I will be much nicer to dorothy.

A

Thank you, Blanche.

60
Q

B: Ow! What was that for?

A

Thought I saw a fly.

61
Q

B: It is?

A

It’s exactly the same as before.

62
Q

B: … it is ten times more beautiful than before.

A

But I don’t understand, I heard you were in a terrible accident.

63
Q

B: It was a fender bender.

A

You were taken to the hospital!

64
Q

B: You’ll never guess what happened next.

A

You slept with him?

65
Q

B: What kind of woman do you think I am?

A

I’m sorry.

66
Q

B: And sensual?

A

Let me handle this, Rose. Blanche, no woman has ever looked better than you do right now and no one ever will.

67
Q

B: How many times do I have to say it? That was not the problem.

A

Well, I just hope this ordeal has taught you a good lesson. Beauty needs to come from within.

DG GG (2 decks)

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