on her blindness Flashcards
My mother could not bear being blind,
to be honest. One shouldn’t say it.
alliteration of plosive b sounds emphasises resentment
tone of resentment immediately established
one shouldn’t say it- secretive
One should hide the fact that catastrophic
handicaps are hell; one tends to hear,
misconception of disability being dramatised
alliteration of ‘h’ is harsh and shows anger
publicly from those who bear it
like a Roman, or somehow find joy
suggestive blind people used metaphorical armour. choice of the similie is critical as acient roman times are outdated, ironic as they are in the modern world
bear is repeateated like a mantra, society is forcing them to accept the reality of blindness
in the fight. She turned to me, once,
in a Paris restaurant, still not finding
cesura- cesurea emphasies how the mother experiences gaps in the world, gap is her vision. creates confusion etc
Paris- connotations of paris as elegant contrasted bu blunt reality of her suffering. there is no form of escapism.
the food on the plate with her fork,
or not so that it stayed on (try it
cross stanza enjambement prevents sense of direction. with the cesurea it emphasises the disconnect she feels.
in a pitch-black room) and whispered,
“It’s living hell, to be honest Adam.
emphasises difficulty directly to reader- euphamism of trying it in a dark room
If I gave up hope of a cure, I’d bump
myself off.” I don’t recall what I replied,
-admission of her suffering to herself- crude image of suicide intensifies it
-light hearted use of coloquial language in this statement masks the truth. there , which is known by the speaker and the reader, exemplifying the reality of her struggle
but it must have been the usual sop,
inadequate: the locked-in son.
inadequate- link to social expectations of masculinity, to be the protector.
speaker feels guilt recalling his respon
he feels burdened and ashamed by this admission
She kept her dignity, though, even when
bumping into walls like a dodgem; her sense
use of word dignity- contrasted by likening her to a dodgem. (juvineile connotations of a dodgem, suggesting she has been reduced to dependency- like a child) stripped of individual agency
enjambement of line shows the bridge in her senses and the sense of inadequacy the son feels
of direction did not improve, when cast
inward. “No built-in compass,” as my father
-compass is a symbol of control, but she has none
-relies on someone elses compass, reinforcing the idea of trapped in dependency
-dad forced to submit to humour to cope
joked. Instead, she pretended to
ignore the void, or laughed it off.
she wishes to protect those around her from feeling this void
Or saw things she couldn’t see
and smiled, as when the kids would offer
enjambement- shows how she cant see the drawing
exepectation for her to react and hide he disability in society. shows the reality of missing out on an experience of her children growing up- hides her inner bridge between her loved ones
the latest drawing, or show her their new toy
– so we’d forget, at times, that the long,
enjambement emphasies the sebns eof distance and longevity of her suffering through LONG
slow slide had finished in a vision
as blank as stone. For instance, she’d continued
sibilance of ‘slow side’ links back loss of everything familiar slipping away
to drive the old Lanchester
long after it was safe
pretending or utilising as an excuse to have a way out without hurting her loved ones or have them blame her
down the Berkshire lanes. She’d visit exhibitions,
admire films, sink into television
semantic feild of visual deterioration is highlighted in contrast of visual activities
admire- suggests her resilience and shows how she finds away to appreciate things
while looking the wrong way.
Her last week alive (a fortnight back)
enjambement shows the wrong direction shes looking in
reflective tne established toward the end of her life as she stopped pretending
-death is subsidary to the bravery she had whilst enduring her disability
was golden weather, of course,
the autumn trees around the hospital
golden weather. pathateic fallacy, she dies surrounded by joy
ablaze with colour, the ground royal
with leaf-fall. I told her this, forgetting,
leaf fall- auntumn is a season of deterioration but beautiful decay- indicative of a new life as with autmn comes winter (grief) then spring (rebirth)
as she sat too weak to move, staring
at nothing. “Oh yes, I know,” she said,
acceptance and aded sense of finality
masks her disability even at her weakest point
she is watching us, somewhere, in th end
connected to her still in death.
