Notes Flashcards
To be in charge as a parent you must influence kids to make their own choices. Dont force compliance—it only works in the short term. It turns parenting into warfare.
If they cant make choices they cant discover the consequences.
Being calm and connected during a conflict gives you more control.
Screaming is really a display of one’s own anxiety.
Losing self control gives the other guy the ability to control you. They can push your buttons.
Control your reactions. Otherwise you lose the ability to influence the outcome.
Being calm makes your kids more calm. They then communicate more openly. This in contrast to a defensive screaming match.
Emotional reactivity has the uncanny ability of creating the result you actually don’t want.
Embrace emotional situations as a way to grow. Do this by creating internal peace. If necessary, close your eyes. Detach.
Congratulations, the universe seems to continue to be interested in your own personal growth.
Keep growing up.
Joke: “I was a much better parent before I had kids.”
An absence of anxiety enables better relationships to form and trust to build up.
Choosing to keep your cool creates space which helps relationships.
The more it is your goal, not his or hers, the less the chance the child will achieve it. Your child must authentically choose and set goals on their own.
Give them space. Allow discussions on the topic. Let them develop it on their own.
Help them be self directed, take responsibility for their own actions. Hold people accountable. Listen to others but make one’s own decisions. If you want them to be self-directed adults, you must first become one yourself.
Innoculation theory
It is better to expose your kids to consequences early vs having society do it.
Dont try to protect them. Let them make choices and give them learning opportunities.
