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Optimal Flow > never_split_the_difference_20220510144724 > Flashcards

never_split_the_difference_20220510144724 Flashcards

1
Q

What is the name of the author of Never Split the Difference?

A

Chris Voss

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2
Q

What is the first thing Chris does when assessing a negotiation instance?

A

Pause, blink, mindfully lower heart rate

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3
Q

Robert Harris Mnookin is author of what text worth checking out for negotiating?

A

Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate and when to fight

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4
Q

According to Chris Voss do nerves prior to negotiation ever go away?

A

No

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5
Q

How am I supposed to do that?

A

Well known and powerful follow up

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6
Q

Well known and powerful follow up

A

How am I supposed to do that?

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7
Q

I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____

A

Solid syntax to deescelate

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8
Q

Solid syntax to deescelate beginning with apologetic

A

I’m sorry (name)____ how do I know_____

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9
Q

What is the most powerful tool Chris Voss cites in the first chapter

A

Open ended questions

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10
Q

Another name for open ended questions being used with precision

A

Calibrated questions

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11
Q

I ask the same 3 to 4 questions until the other person gets worn out

A

Chris Voss quote from Harvard negotiation class

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12
Q

Human beings are primarily animals following emotions

A

Ways that negotiation should be perceived

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13
Q

Behavioral Economics

A

Man is an irrational beast. Feeling is the form of thinking

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14
Q

It is self evident that people are neither fully rational or nor completely selfish and their taste is anything but stable

A

Cognitive Bias

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15
Q

Framing effect

A

People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented

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16
Q

People respond differently to the same choice depending on how its presented

A

Framing effect

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17
Q

Thinking fast and slow

A

Book worth checking out. Man has two mental systems the first is primarily emotional and is the primary one with which we make decisions

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18
Q

Getting to Yes

A

Worth reading but not the most up to date book

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19
Q

BATNA

A

Best alternative to a negotiated Agreement

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20
Q

Negotiating is

A

Not a rational process

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21
Q

Optimal negotiating

A

Focus on the irrational and emotional aspects

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22
Q

Universally applicable premise

A

People want to be understood and accepted

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23
Q

Tactical Empathy

A

Listening as an active aspect

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24
Q

Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships

A

Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way

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25
Q

Reasons why negotiation is important and should be implemented in a relationship affirming way

A

Conflict is inevitable between two parties in all relationships

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26
Q

How questions

A

A gentle way to say no

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27
Q

Assumptions blind

A

Hypothesis guide

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28
Q

Great negotiators aim to use the skills they have to find the surprises they KNOW exist

A

Have several hypotheses regarding a scenario

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29
Q

Smart people think they have nothing to discover

A

Great negotiators are open to all possibilities

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30
Q

Using teams to hear someone out

A

Listening well is hard

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31
Q

Overuse of personal pronouns

A

Indicator of lack of of importance

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32
Q

Try not to preoccupy yourself with your own arguments

A

Actively listen

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33
Q

How many things can the concious mind focus on simultaneously

A

7-8

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34
Q

Consume yourself in listening

A

Focus entirely on listening to the individual you are negotiating with. Mirror body language

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35
Q

Make your goal completely listening to your counterpart

A

Identify your counterparts needs. Get them talking about what they want

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36
Q

Start with listening, validate their emotions create enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin

A

Absolute necessities

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37
Q

Slow.It.Down.

A

Negotiations work better with time

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38
Q

Late night FM dj voice

A

Solid toolDeep soft slow and reassuring voice. The voice of calm and reason

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39
Q

Be the voice of calm and reason

A

Use body language vocal tone and empathy

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40
Q

Involuntary Telepathy

A

We are always signaling that which we are ready to do with our general emotional energy and context

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41
Q

Most powerful tool in vocal communication

A

Voice:3 types Fun and Playful (Use Mostly) Dj FM Dominant(Use Rarely)

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42
Q

Fun and playful voice

A

Relax and smile

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43
Q

Positive mindsets

A

Increases mental agility

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44
Q

Vocal Mirroring

A

Restating the last 3 words of the last sentence

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45
Q

Imitative Mirroring

A

Causes trust through similarity (You can trust me we are the same) we fear what’s different and love what’s similar

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46
Q

Mirroring vs. Positive Reinforcement

A

A study has shown that waiters who mirror make more money than those who render positive reinforcement

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47
Q

For a mirror to be effective you have to let it sit there and do its workv

A

It needs a bit of silence

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48
Q

How to deal with aggressive tactics

A

FM DJ voice Im sorry (name) (mirror) 4 seconds of silence

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49
Q

The relationship between an emotionally intelligent negotiator and their counterpart

A

Is essentially theraputic and resembles psych. Reflecting the synopsis to the counterpart so that they may change their behavior

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50
Q

Good negotiators identify and persuade emotion

A

For a good negotiator emotions are tools

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51
Q

It looks like…. it seems like….

A

labels that turn into open ended questions

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52
Q

Practices in Neuroresonance

A

Turn attention to someone talking near you or someone on tv. As they talk imagine that you are that person. Imagine yourself in that position and describe it as well as you possibly can

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53
Q

Address underlying emotions

A

Positive get amplified negatives negated

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54
Q

Top guys like to feel on top

A

They dont like to feel disrespected

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55
Q

Look I’m an asshole

A

Makes problems go away

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56
Q

Amygdala

A

Controls fear

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57
Q

Labeling fears

A

Bringing them to light rids them

58
Q

Many people have layers of fears

A

Call out fears with “im sensing hesitation regarding _____”

59
Q

Undercover presented emotion then underlying

A

People need to feel understood

60
Q

List everything awful your counterpart could use against you

A

Accusation Audit

61
Q

Negotiating after an argument

A

Counterpart is desperate for connection. Smile and you’re already an improvement

62
Q

The first goal of mirroring, accusation audits and labeling, dj voice

A

Human connection

63
Q

Empathy and acknowledgement of the other persons situation

A

Makes them more likely to speak

64
Q

After you label a barrier or mirror a statement

A

Pause

65
Q

Talk about the negatives first

A

Interrupt the Amygdala

66
Q

Yes is often hiding other objections

A

Maybe is even worse. Good negotiators are happy to hear no

67
Q

Jim Camp

A

Author of Start with No. People will fight to the death for their right to say no

68
Q

Great negotiators seek no

A

Because they know it’s where the real discussion begins

69
Q

What about this doesn’t work for you? What would you need to make it work? It seems like there’s something here that bothers you

A

Questions to follow up no with

70
Q

3 kinds of yes

A

Counterfeit, confirmation and commitment

71
Q

People are driven by two primary urges

A

To feel safe, secure to also feel in control

72
Q

No makes people feel safe and in control

A

No is protection

73
Q

Ask “is now a bad time to talk?”

A

Start with no

74
Q

Do you want me to leave?

A

Solid get to no question

75
Q

Swing for that’s right

A

Summarize

76
Q

The moment you’ve convinced someone you truly understand their dreams and feelings

A

Real change becomes possible

77
Q

Humans have an innate urge for socially constructive behavior

A

Getting to that’s right keeping this in mind to make real change

78
Q

Antonio Demasio found

A

People with damage to the emotional parts of their brain have harder times making decisions

79
Q

What is the F word

A

Fair

80
Q

Let the other side anchor monetary info first

A

Let the other guy go first most times

81
Q

Job applicants that offer a range get larger salaries

A

Expect them to come in on the low end

82
Q

Define success for your position with a salary increase

A

Helps lead into next steps

83
Q

Unwritten rule of Reciprocity

A

People always expect something back when they give you something whether or not they realize it

84
Q

He who can disagree without being disagreeable

A

Has learned the greatest secret of negotiation

85
Q

Engage them in a conversation where you summarize what’s going on then ask

A

How am I supposed to do that?

86
Q

Calibrated questions avoid

A

Can, do are, is or does

87
Q

Calibrated questions use

A

What and how. SOMETIMES why

88
Q

To work of voice

A

Respectful

89
Q

What is the biggest challenge you face?What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem?What’s the objective?What are we trying to accomplish here?

A

Solid calibrated questions

90
Q

Solid calibrated questions

A

What is the biggest challenge you face?What about this is important to you? How can I help to make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem?What’s the objective?What are we trying to accomplish here?

91
Q

Without self control or emotional regulation

A

You can’t influence the emotions of another party

92
Q

When you are verbally assaulted do not counter attack

A

Respond with calibrated question

93
Q

The listener

A

Controls the conversation

94
Q

Negotiators are decision architects

A

Dynamically and adaptically create elements of negotiations to get consent and execution

95
Q

Yes is nothing without

A

How

96
Q

How questions

A

Gentle ways to say no

97
Q

How will we know if things are on tracks?

A

What will we do if things get off track

98
Q

Make sure you’re taking all decision makers into consideration

A

It only takes one bit player to ruin a deal

99
Q

Rephrase your calibrated questions to hit your triple affirmative

A

Hit your triple affirmative

100
Q

Pinocchio Effect

A

Longer speaking can illustrate lying

101
Q

Liars use

A

More 3rd person pronouns

102
Q

Use your counterparts name in negotiation

A

But also use yours and have them use yours

103
Q

No series 4x

A

1.How am I supposed to do that? 2.Your offer is very generous but I’m sorry that just doesn’t work for me? 3.The I’m sorry4. I’m sorry

104
Q

How to become a rainmaker

A

Good negotiation book

105
Q

Negotiating is about

A

Playing field beneath the word manipulating subsurface issues to craft a great deal. Yes is nothing without how

106
Q

Asking how, knowing how, defining how

A

Parts of the effective negotiating

107
Q

Asking how questions

A

Ask them repeatedly

108
Q

Always identify

A

Players behind the table

109
Q

Pay attention to

A

Tone and body language

110
Q

Test Yes

A

With rules of 3

111
Q

Begin haggling with

A

Rattling your counterpart subtly

112
Q

Analyst

A

Type of negotiator not in a rush. Minimize mistakes “As much time as it takes to get it right” Hypersensitive to Reciprocity

113
Q

Accomodators

A

Goal is to be on great terms with their counterpart. Easy to talk to but not as good at follow through.

114
Q

Assertives

A

Can’t listen until they feel heard Need Reciprocity ASAP

115
Q

Responding to disrespect with

A

I’m sorry that doesn’t work for me

116
Q

Why

A

Makes people defensive

117
Q

Ackerman method

A
  1. Set target price 2. Offer 65% of goal 3. Calculate 3 raises of 85 95 100%4. Use lots of empathy and different ways of saving no 5. Use precise nonround number for final 6. Throw in nonmonenetary number
118
Q

Conflict is often the path to great deals

A

Conflict brings out truth creativity and resolution

119
Q

Analyst

A

How They See Themselves:† Realistic, Prepared, SmartHow They May Be Seen by Others:† Cold, StandoffishView of Business Relationships:† As long as they aren’t causing conflict, they are actively preserving the relationship

120
Q

Analyst P2.

A

Cares About:† Acquiring facts and infoNegotiation Mindset:† Time = preparation† Silence = time to think

121
Q

Analyst Pt 3

A

Characteristics:† Methodical & diligent. Hates surprises† Self-image tied to minimizing mistakes† Prefers to work on their own† Reserved problem solver† Information aggregator† Skeptical by nature† May appear to agree when justagreeing to think about it† Slow to answer calibrated questions† Apologies have little value

122
Q

Analyst Pt4

A

Views on Reciprocity:† Giving: They only give up things they’vealready thought long and hard about† Receiving: When they receive first,they think it must be a trapTools to Use:† Labels, specifically to compare analysis† Use data• Use data to explain your reasons, no ad-lib• Use data comparisons to disagreeHow to Get Them Back:† Show them you’re ready to getsomething accomplishedWorst-Type Match:† Assertive

123
Q

Assertive

A

How They See Themselves:† Honest, Logical, DirectHow They May Be Seen by Others:† Emotional, Aggressive, HarshView of Business Relationships:† Needs mutual respect; nothing more or less

124
Q

Assertive Pt 2.

A

Cares About:† Being heard.Negotiation Mindset:† Time = money.† Silence = opportunity to speak more.Characteristics:† Perfecting the solution is lessimportant than getting it done† Loves winning above all else† Most likely to get tunnel-vision• If you focus on one goal, you missopportunities to explore options• Emotions can cloud decisionmaking faculties† View negotiations as intellectual sparring† Focus first on what they have tosay. They’ll only listen if they’reconvinced you understand them

125
Q

Assertive Pt 3.

A

Characteristics:† Perfecting the solution is lessimportant than getting it done† Loves winning above all else† Most likely to get tunnel-vision• If you focus on one goal, you missopportunities to explore options• Emotions can cloud decisionmaking faculties† View negotiations as intellectual sparring† Focus first on what they have tosay. They’ll only listen if they’reconvinced you understand them

126
Q

Black swans are unknown unknowns

A

Generally there are 3

127
Q

Keep the beginners mind to facilitate finding black swans

A

Full active listening

128
Q

Ask more questions

A

Share your observations with your counterpart

129
Q

Open oneself to factual reality in front of you

A

Be present

130
Q

Why are they communicating what they are communicating…

A

Right now?

131
Q

Black swans

A

Are leverage multipliers

132
Q

Leverage

A

The ability to inflict loss and hold gain

133
Q

If they are talking to you you have leverage

A

What leverage do they believe you have?

134
Q

3 types of leverage

A

Positive, Negative, Normative

135
Q

Negative leverage

A

The ability to make your counterpart suffer

136
Q

Don’t make direct threats

A

People would sooner die than give up their autonomy It seems like you don’t care what position you’re leaving me in

137
Q

How well you listen

A

Is what determines success

138
Q

Talk to counterpart about religion

A

Listen, listen again, listen some more

139
Q

Use reasonable tone of voice give reason and then cause to increase susceptibility

A

Offer reasons that reinforce counterparts religion

140
Q

Negotiation genius

A

Max H Besoman

141
Q

Don’t label your counterpart crazy

A

Try to understand

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