Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss Flashcards
What is a negotiator’s relationship to surprises?
A good negotiator is ready for surprises. A great negotiator REVEALS surprises.
Is negotiation a battle?
No, it is a DISCOVERY. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.
Should you bullrush a negotiation?
No. You should be be nice and slow it down. SMILING increasing the likelihood of collaboration and problem solving. Positivity creates MENTAL AGILITY for both you and counterpart.
Should you avoid negative feelings during a negotiation?
No. Bring out the negative feelings in the open before they have a chance to fester.
Should you avoid criticisms of yourself?
No. Even better, list the WORST thing the other party could say about you and say them before the other person can. Because these accusations often sound exaggerated when said aloud, speaking them will encourage the other person to claim that quite the opposite is true.
What is the concept that is the centerpiece of this book? Define that concept.
TACTICAL EMPATHY. This is listening as a martial art, BALANCING the subtle behaviors of EQ and the assertive skills of INFLUENCE, to gain access to the mind of another person. Contrary to popular opinion, LISTENING is NOT a passive activity. It is the most ACTIVE thing you can do.
What is Chris Voss’ definition of negotiation?
communication with results!!
With what mentality should you start a negotiation?
I KNOW NOTHING mentality. Engage the process with a mindset of DISCOVERY.
Should you share optimism early?
no, because that sets you up to be embarrassed if you mess up.
What’s the best tactic to quiet the voice in your head?
Instead of prioritizing your argument, make your sole and ALL-ENCOMPASSING FOCUS the other person and what they have to say. In that mode of true active listening, you’ll disarm your counterpart. You’ll make them feel safe. The voice in their head will begin to quiet down.
In order to get what you want, what do you need to understand first?
you need to understand first what the other person wants (monetarily, emotionally…) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want
What is NEUROLOGICAL TELEPATHY and why is it important?
On a mostly unconscious level, we can understand the minds of others not through any kind of thinking but through quite literally GRASPING what the other is FEELING. Think of it as a kind of involuntary neurological telepathy–each of us in every given moment signaling to the world around us whether we are ready to play or fight, laugh or cry.
When we RADIATE WARMTH and ACCEPTANCE, conversations just seem to FLOW. When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us.
What are the 3 voices that are available to negotiators? Which voice should you use the most?
- positive/playful voice (smile while talking, even on the phone | light, encouraging tone)
- late-night FM DI voice (inflect voice downwards. I’m in control)
- direct/assertive voice
No matter how AGGRESIVELY she pushed, her __ and __ demeanor primed her merchant friends to settle on a successful outcome.
When people are in a __ frame of mind, they think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve
- smile
- playful
- positive
What is mirroring in negotiations? What does it allow?
Repeat the last three words of what the other person said to get them till elaborate. Allows you to DISAGREE without being disagreeable.
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Ask someone, “What do you mean by that?” and you’re likely to incite irritation or defensiveness. A mirror, however, will get you the clarity you want while signaling respect and concern for what the other person is saying.
