Midterm Part I

Question 1

Definition of self-betrayal

Answer 1

when we do not see ourselves and others clearly.

Question 2

7 Steps of Self-Betrayal

Answer 2

1. An act contrary to what I feel
2. Justify self-betrayal
3. Reality becomes distorted
4. Enter the box
5. Box becomes characteristic
6. Provoke others into box
7. Collude to stay in the box

Question 3

Inside the box vs. outside the box

Answer 3

See others as an object (inside) or a person (outside)

Question 4

How to get out of box

Answer 4

See them as a person

Question 5

4 stages of learning

Answer 5

1. Unconscious Incompetence
2. Conscious Incompetence
3. Conscious Competence
4. Unconscious Competence

Question 6

What is vulnerability

Answer 6

Ability to learn and be influenced, regress in stages of learning to be better

Question 7

Tony Robbings - Known to Unknown

Answer 7

Ability to use something you know how to do, to learn something knew. Skateboard to snow board to surfing

Question 8

Arguers As Lovers - Unilateral communication

Answer 8

power, about winning, don’t care about other person

Question 9

Arguers As Lovers - Bilateral communication

Answer 9

truth, collaborative

Question 10

Brockreide’s Argumentative Stances - 3 roles

Answer 10

1. Rape - Take power for themselves. Pressure to win
2. Seduction - Uses charms, lies or tricks to get their way
3. Lover - Work together to solve problem

Question 11

Brockreide’s Argumentative Stances - Can’t have arguments with…

Answer 11

• Inanimate (unable or unwilling to communicate)
• Illogical (out of control emotionally)
• Immoral (no principles or rules)

Question 12

3 Basic Types of family environment for conflicts

Answer 12

• Avoidant
• Aggressive
• Collaborative

Question 13

Lens Model Theory - 3 focuses

Answer 13

1 - oneself
2 - the other person
3 - the relationship

Question 14

Filters: Cultural & Gender

Answer 14

behavior expectations and perceptions based on culture or gender

Question 15

Why do we tell stories or use metaphors?

Answer 15

How we make sense and find meaning of life.

Question 16

5 elements of conflict

Answer 16

1 - An expressed struggle - verbal or nonverbal
2 - Between interdependent parties - choices affect each other
3 - Who perceives incompatible goals (facts vs. perception)
4 - Scarce resources - physical, economic or social
5 - Interference with achieving goals - block desired action

Question 17

Supportive vs. Defensive Climate

Answer 17

• Evaluable vs. description
• Control vs. problem-solving
• Strategy vs. spontaneity
• Neutrality vs. empathy
• Superiority vs. equality
• Certainty vs. provisionalism

Question 18

Escalatory Spirals

Answer 18

how we get into the loops and the kinds. I get mad, you get mad, and it spirals out of control/escalates

Question 19

John Gottman - 4 Horsemen of destructive conflict

Answer 19

• Criticism - used most by women, criticize partner
• Defensiveness - Response to criticism, excuses, discount criticism
• Stonewalling - used most by men, withdraws from interaction
• Contempt - Treat the other with disrespect, mocking/sarcasm, ridicule