Love and Communication

Question 1

What is love?

Answer 1

• Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components
• Means different things to different people
• Difficult to define and measure

Question 2

Passionate love

Answer 2

− State of extreme absorption in another person
− Also known as romantic love

Question 3

Companionate love

Answer 3

− Characterized by friendly affection and deep attachment based on
extensive familiarity with the loved one

Question 4

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Answer 4

Love has three dimensions
intimacy, passion, commitment
as time passes, passion decreases, intimacy and commitment increase

Question 5

Lee’s Styles of Loving

Answer 5

Characteristics of intimate human relationships
− Romantic (eros)
− Game-playing (ludus)
− Possessive (mania)
− Compassionate (storge)
− Altruistic (agape)
− Pragmatic (pragma)
* Hypothesis: relationship success is influenced by compatibility in styles of
loving

Question 6

Chapman’s Five Love Languages

Answer 6

• Prominent theory of love in pop culture
• Chapman proposes five ways of expressing/receiving love called love
  languages
  − Receiving gifts
  − Quality time
  − Words of affirmation
  − Acts of service (devotion)
  − Physical touch
• Limited empirical support

Question 7

Falling in Love: Why and With Whom?

Answer 7

• The chemistry of love
  − Neurotransmitters: norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine
  (PEA), and endorphins
   Strong link between feelings of being in love and release of
  neurotransmitters
  − Potential impact of hormonal contraception use in women
   Reduced attractiveness to potential partners due to altered
  chemical fertility signals

Question 8

Proximity and Similarity

Answer 8

• Geographic nearness of one person to another
  − Mere exposure effect: familiarity breeds liking or loving
  − Greater proximity often reflects shared interests
• Similarity of beliefs, interests, and values
  − Level of physical attractiveness
  − Age, educational status, and religion
  − Race and ethnicity

Question 9

Reciprocity

Answer 9

When we are recipients of expressions of liking or loving, we tend to
respond in kind
− Increases self-esteem

Question 10

Physical attractiveness: physical beauty

Answer 10

− Important in early stages; draws people together
− May be an indicator of physical health
− Males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness

Question 11

Attachment

Answer 11

intense emotional tie between two individuals
− Rooted in infancy

Question 12

Ainsworth’s attachment styles

Answer 12

− Secure, insecure, anxious-ambivalent, and avoidant attachment
* Adult intimate relationships as an attachment process
− Parent–child attachment styles are transferred

Question 13

Issues in Loving Relationships

Answer 13

Relationship between love and sex
− Relationship between the two is not always clear
 For example, “friends with benefits”
 Gender differences: women may feel more emotionally involved
− Questions to debate
 Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship
 Do men and women have different views of sex and love
 How do personal attributes differentiate views on sex and love

Question 14

Jealousy in Relationships

Answer 14

Jealousy-prone person
− Tends to have low self-esteem and place a high value on wealth
and popularity
− Jealousy can precipitate partner violence
* Sex differences
− Women are more likely to acknowledge feelings of jealousy
− Men tend to focus more on sexual involvement with another
Robert

Question 15

Ingredients in a lasting love relationship

Answer 15

− Self-acceptance and acceptance of partner
− Appreciation of each other and commitment
− Good communication, realistic expectations, and shared interests
− Equality in decision making
− Ability to face and deal with conflict

Question 16

Characteristics of high quality relationships

Answer 16

− Supportive communication
− Companionship
− Sexual expression and variety
− Seeing partner as a best friend
− Maintaining frequent positive interaction

Question 17

Sexual variety: an important ingredient

Answer 17

− Communication is critical: talk about desires, needs, and feelings
− Be spontaneous: avoid routine times and places
− Do not let questions of what is “normal” get in the way

Question 18

Importance of Sexual Communication

Answer 18

Most important role of communication
− Establish and maintain consent in sexual experiences
* Mutual empathy
− Underlying knowledge that each partner in a relationship cares for
the other and knows that this care is reciprocated

Question 19

Talking: Getting Started

Answer 19

Ways to break the ice
− Talking about talking
 Discuss why it is hard to talk about
 Talk about nonthreatening topics (e.g., birth control methods)
− Reading and discussing
 Books and articles
− Sharing sexual histories
 Depends on needs and feelings

Question 20

Listening and Feedback

Answer 20

Good listening traits
− Be an active listener
− Maintain eye contact
− Provide feedback
− Support your partner’s communication efforts
− Express unconditional positive regard

Question 21

Discovering Your Partner’s Needs

Answer 21

Asking questions
− Yes/No questions
− Open-ended questions
− Either/Or questions
* Self-disclosure
− Requires give and take
− Internet relationships: rapidly evolving
* Discussing sexual preferences
− Matter of preference: some feel comfortable while some do not
* Giving permission
− Providing reassurance to one’s partner that it is okay to talk about
specific feelings or needs

Question 22

Learning to Make Requests

Answer 22

Taking responsibility for our own pleasure
− People are not mind readers
* Making requests specific
− The more specific a request is, the more it will be understood
* Using “I” language
− Forthright approach brings about the desired response more easily

Question 23

Expressing and Receiving Complaints

Answer 23

Constructive strategies for expressing complaints
− Choose the right time and place
− Temper complaints with praise
− Avoid “why” questions
− Express negative emotions appropriately
− Limit complaints to one per discussion
Receiving complaints
− Acknowledge a complaint and find something to agree with
− Ask clarifying questions
− Express your feelings
− Focus on future changes you can make

Question 24

Saying No

Answer 24

Three step approach to saying no
− Express appreciation for the invitation
− Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion
− Offer alternatives
* Avoid sending mixed messages
− When nonverbal messages contradict verbal messages, partners
can have difficulty grasping our true intention

Question 25

Nonverbal Sexual Communication

Answer 25

Facial expressions − Often communicate feelings * Interpersonal distance − Personal space * Touching − Can convey special messages or defuse anger * Sounds − Can indicate, hinder, or increase arousal

Question 26

Gottman’s constructive communication tactics

Answer 26

− Leveling and editing − Validating − Volatile dialogue

Question 27

Gottman’s destructive communication tactics

Answer 27

− Criticism and contempt − Defensiveness − Stonewalling − Belligerence