Listening

Question 1

Where should I look?

Answer 1

Maintain eye contact with the speaker.

Question 2

Should my body language change?

Answer 2

Lean towards the speaker slightly; tilt your head - this expresses your desire to listen.

Question 3

How can the speaker be supported?

Answer 3

Verbally (‘uh-huh’, ‘mmhmm’ etc.) and Physically (nodding head as they speak)

Question 4

What should I say?

Answer 4

Say nothing; do not interrupt the speaker when they’re talking.

Question 5

What if I have questions/challenges to what they say?

Answer 5

Note them, and wait until they’ve finished speaking.

Question 6

What should be my goal from the listening process?

Answer 6

To understand them, more than being understood.

Question 7

What if I absolutely have to interject?

Answer 7

Do so intelligently and sensitively, e.g. ‘I just want to understand that last point a little better. Could we discuss that?’.

Question 8

What if the speaker falls silent?

Answer 8

Give them patience and space to formulate their thoughts. If necessary, supportive statements such as ‘take your time’.

If the silence is extended, gently prompt them with a question.

Question 9

What if they begin crying/screaming etc.?

Answer 9

Quietly and patiently give them space to express their emotion. Offer a tissue if appropriate.

Question 10

How do I prevent feeling self-conscious?

Answer 10

Focus on the speaker:

i) what they’re saying - the facts
ii) what their movements/body language suggest about their feelings
iii) what message their voice gives