Lecture 9: Attraction, love and communication Flashcards
Attraction
Immediate and positive emotional and/or behavioural response to someone
Physical Attractiveness
- When given a choice, the hotter the better
- Heterosexual men tend to value it more than women
- symmetry
- Body size/proportions
- facial attractiveness
The four horsemen of the apocalypse (Gottman)
- criticism
- contempt
- defensiveness
- stonewailling
communication
- important for romantic relationships, sex included
- poorer communication at the start of a relationship linked to relationship problems (break up) later on
Predictors of Long-Term Relationship Satisfaction
- Feeling loved/appreciated
- Emotional closeness
- Sexual satisfaction (quantity, type, context, etc.)
- Self-disclosure
- Ability to resolve conflict
- Skilled communication (relationship/sex)
- Mindfulness (being present, identifying and communicating emotions)
Arranged vs. love marriages
romantic beliefs
- notion of ‘one true love’
- 73% of Americans believe in soul mate
- romantic beliefs associated with greater risks of relationships collapse
Love as a story (sternberg): what love should be/is like
Contains characters, a plot, and a theme
Some examples of love stories:
- War Story – constant fighting, two warriors
- Love is a Mystery – ambiguous, mysterious, a partner that you can never really know
- House and Home – home is the centre of the relationship
- Garden Story – love needs constant work/tending
Intimacy + decision/commitment
companionate love
intimacy + passion
romantic love
passion + decision/commitment
fatuous love
intimacy + passion + decision/commitment
consummate love
Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
intimacy - emotional component
passion - physical attracttion
decision/commitment - short term = I love you / long term = marriage
reciprocal liking
- We like those who like us and we dislike those who dislike us
- speed dating study (Luo & Zhang, 2009)
Matching phenomenon
- We tend to choose partners who match us in quality
- self-esteem plays a role
opposite attract
false
Assortative Mating
The tendency to choose a partner who is similar to oneself on one or more characteristics
Homophily
Tendency to have contact with people equal in social status
Ethnicity
The most consistent similarity for
people in relationships
Mere exposure effect
Greater attraction the more exposure we have to them
Key predictors of partner choice:
- Proximity
- Mere exposure
- Homophily
- Similarity
- Matching phenomenon
- Reciprocal liking
What causes certain characteristics to be considered attractive?
biology and culture
Sexual selection
Evolution of adaptive traits to increase reproductive advantage
Parental Investment Theory
Women have greater minimal obligatory investment when having children
Sexual strategies theory
- Men and women face different adaptive problems in reproduction
- As a result, they evolved in different ways to overcome these problems
Men - which women can reproduce
women - more choosy, men that are committed
