Lecture 12: Love & Close Relationships

Question 1

What were the early views on love?

Answer 1

Behaviourism, psychoanalytic views (no love or affection- the reason children love their parents is because they are a food source. Conditioning) Vs. Harlow’s monkey studies (monkeys gravitated toward cloth mother even though she had no food)

Question 2

What are the kinds of love?

Answer 2

• Many approaches
• Still lacking consensus (compared to the Big 5) Various models exist
• Yet overlap among ideas
• Quadrumvirate model: *Passionate (romantic/ has elements of sexual attraction), *Companionate, (compassionate), Attachment)

Question 3

What is passionate love?

Answer 3

• Similar to ‘eros’

- My lover and I have the right physical chemistry between us

Question 4

What is companionate love?

Answer 4

• Begins with familiarity, similarity and friendship
• Promotes spending time together, expressions of liking (takes longer, getting to know somebody, less quick/intense than passionate love, it is friendship love)

Question 5

What is the prototype approach?

Answer 5

• Ask people to nominate features of love(rs)
• Ask others to rate prototypicality
• Similar in romantic relationships
• Prototypes represented in hedging (manipulate very prototypical features of love and compare it to less prototypical things and then construct statements like Sam loves pat and then Sam does not trust Pat. People would find this example weird or say it doesn’t make sense because they think that the prototypical things have to be there when defining love.), memory (people more likely to remember the highly prototypical statements), RTs (people respond to more prototypical components of love more quickly)

Question 6

What are the gender differences in love?

Answer 6

• Overall, much similarity, but some differences
• Men more prone to romantic conceptions. True love, saying it (who says it first). Yet men express more interest in casual sex
• Woman more prone to pragmatic or companionate conceptions, friendship love
  This is not ‘mars’ and ‘Venus’

Question 7

What are the culture differences in love and marriage?

Answer 7

• There are more cultural differences than gender differences.
  -Across cultures, we see some vast differences in romantic and family relationships. Whereas some cultures see an individual’s romantic feelings as the best reason for marriage, other cultures pay more attention to pragmatic or economic concerns. The entire family’s assessment may be important, with parents even arranging marriages for their children.
  -For a time, such differences lead psychologists to believe that the notion of romantic love may not apply in non-Western cultures. However, these views evolved, and both passionate and companionate loves are now viewed as largely universal
  -studies suggest that people in Asian cultures report more
  companionate love and less passionate love, compared to people in Western cultures (eros higher and storge lower)
• Cultural differences in love are a moving target. Despite some cultural differences, there is also substantial similarity.
  -For example, people almost everywhere agree that the most important feature in a marriage partner is mutual
  love or attraction

Question 8

What happens to romantic relationships over time?

Answer 8

• Does passion fade into companionate love? Not really, both types of love are possible early, both fade out over time (i.e., decrease in comparison to the beginning). Long relationships still have passion
• Experience of love associated with satisfaction
• Love experience important to staying together (commitment), but less so after marriage (commitment seems to be high after marriage even if love is no longer present)

Question 9

What is oxytocin often referred to as?

Answer 9

the love hormone

Question 10

What are some correlates of oxytocin?

Answer 10

• Breastfeeding, empathy, trust, childbirth
• Envy, in-group bias
• Thus, distinctiveness & causation questions

Question 11

What is an alternative explanation for oxytocin?

Answer 11

Alternative explanation of oxytocin is that it is based on social spotlight or social relevant information, in this sense it could be positive or negative

Question 12

What features predict initial attraction in romantic relationships?

Answer 12

• Proximity and exposure
• Similarity, physical attractiveness
• Building intimacy via sharing

Question 13

What contributions does personality provide to romantic relationships?

Answer 13

• Helpful traits (vs. similarity): A, C, ES (more conducive to relationship satisfaction than others)
• Attachment styles (mental models based on relationships we experience throughout the course of our lives (Secure, anxious, avoidant)

Question 14

What is the bank account analogy for romantic relationships?

Answer 14

• Positive deposits (positive relationship experiences are like deposits into a bank account, need more positive deposits than negative withdrawals to have a healthy relationships)
• Negative withdrawals (the negative withdrawals hold a lot more weight and contribution than the positive ones. It is less frequent but stronger)
• ‘Bad is stronger than good’
• Good is more typical
• About 5:1 for a healthy relationship

Question 15

What is capitalization in relationships?

Answer 15

• Sharing positive news or events (having something good happen is important but sharing it with a close other actually boosts happiness more than just experiencing it)
• Can build intimacy Yet potential for vulnerability
• Responses of partner is key
• Can communicate support
• Responses to positive events may predict future relationship better; an early test
• Compare perceived vs. Received social support

Question 16

What are the four types of responding?

Answer 16

• Active & constructive
• Passive & constructive
• Active & destructive
• Passive & destructive

Question 17

What is the self expansion theory in regards to relationships?\?

Answer 17

First, people have a deep motivation to grow, learn, explore, and become competent, and thus experience enjoyment from these things, These growth activities expand the sense of self.
-Second, people can also expand the self through their romantic relationships because they take on aspects of their partners; individuals’ sense of self merges with intimate others.

Question 18

How does novelty and excitement enhance relationships?

Answer 18

• Correlational link with satisfaction, love
• Experimental studies:
• – Lab novel & arousing activity vs. mundane control (‘real world ‘interventions (go do an activity together, compared to control groups couples who started a new activity and stuck to it reported more satisfaction)

Question 19

F#@&ing for happiness

Answer 19

• Positive correlation between sex frequency and SWB (up to ~ once weekly)
  Experimental test of causality:
• Randomly assign couples to try to double the amount of sex (vs. control group)
• Followed these people over 3 months and asked them to rate their monthly moods, how much they enjoyed sex and how much they wanted to have sex
• Interventions seems to backfire: The people in the experimental condition reported worse moods, less sex, lack of desire
• Cf. CU’s Kleinpatz on optimal sex (being in the moment is optimal)
• Broader lesson RE interventions vs. in the wild? The intervention was likely the reason

Question 20

What is generally a good response to conflict in a relationship?

Answer 20

• Conflict is inevitable
• Forgiveness may help
• I gave him the cold shoulder vs. It was easy to feel warmly again toward your partner

Question 21

How could Lack of forgiveness is a serious problem?

Answer 21

• Correlational link with resolution, satisfaction
• Dyadic, longitudinal study suggests conflict reduction
• But, Consider a bad/abusive relationship. In this case, maybe it’s not for the best to forgive. Forgiveness in this case can actually be associated with a decrease

Question 22

Is humour a helpful response to conflict?

Answer 22

• Sometimes useful, but depends (type and person)
• Lab study of couples, coded the humour that came up
• • Affiliative: helpful, especially with high distress (inside joke, noting shared experience. Doesn’t hurt either person)
• • Aggressive: worst in response to care seeking
• • Self defeating: received poorly with high distress
• • Attachment styles predicted use and response (insecure attachments more likely to use self defeating humour but respond more poorly to self defeating humour. and anxious attachments seem to use aggressive behaviour more but respond worse to aggressive behaviour)

Question 23

What are some cautions to keep in mind regarding relationship research?

Answer 23

• Typically correlational (causal direction)
• Self reports. Subjective construct, but pressures e.g., RE sex
• Challenge of consensus for models/types; Difficulty of studying dyads (ideal is both members of a couple and tracking them over time, that is tough and expensive. Thus, a lot of studies don’t use ideal methods)
• Need for more longitudinal data

Question 24

What features of love are rated the most typical?

Answer 24

• ‘companionate love’ features more typical (Trust, honesty, caring, intimacy, respect are more common Vs. sexual passion, gazing at other, physiological)