I Messages Flashcards
What does it mean to “Stress the deed, not the doer”? Give an example.
The focus of criticism should be on the deed, and no the character of the person performing it.
Example: “I like you. I don’t like this behaviour.”
What are the 2 skills required for behaviour correction when focusing on deeds not people?
- Noticing detail or specificity of behaviour when giving feedback
- Naming the behaviour with use of the “I” voice.
What are the 3 parts of an “I”-message used to address misbehaviour? What is the often-overlooked 4th part?
- Non-blameful description of behaviour
- Feeling you (teacher) get due to the behaviour
- Concrete consequence of behaviour on you (teacher)
- A possible solution!
When using an “I” statement, what words should you avoid using after “I feel”?
Any of:
- That (I feel that YOU suck)
- You (I feel YOU should know that you suck)
- Like (I feel like YOU suck)
What are some advantages to using “I” language when dealing with student misbehaviour?
Any of:
- Doesn’t require justification from the student
- Non-threatening
- Provides reason for teachers’ concern
- Doesn’t imply judgement
- Maintains positive relationship
- Models appropriate emotional expression
- And moooooore
What are some risks of using “I” messages?
Involve making yourself vulnerable, which can reinforce certain students’ behaviour (revenge seekers). Can also go unheard by some students.
May also place GUILT on students for inadvertent mistakes!
True or False: “I feel frustrated that you don’t take class cleanliness seriously.” is a good example of an “I” message between teacher and student.
False. Basically “Hey, you SUCK”. Cut out the “You” and word it in passive voice with a logical consequence: “I feel frustrated when the class is messy at the end of the day and I have to clean it alone”.
