How to make people like you in 90sec or less Flashcards
Do you understand how people process information and learn? There are three dominate forms for how people process information and learn.
They are Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. In a nutshell, people process either through their eyes (Visual), through their ears (auditory) and/or through feelings (Kinesthetic)
Why 90 seconds
People make judgments very quickly. It is the fight or flight primal instinct that is responsible for this. This is why bad first impressions are hard to overcome.
A real useful attitude is far more effective when building rapport.
Having an open mind and a positive outlook will bear more fruit then being closed off and guarded. Remember people make snap decisions based on energy, body language and tonality.
Actions speak louder than words
We all know that talk is cheap and people either do what they say or they don’t. In this context, your body language speaks louder than your words. Mixed messages and flirting are probably the two biggest examples of this.
People like people like themselves
People as a whole are self-centered. Again this is by design for survival. The best way you can build rapport with people in another country is to simply attempt to speak their language. This is a thoughtful gesture and people appreciate the effort. Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People really dives into great detail on this subject. Perhaps we will profile this book in a future summary.
Three secrets of communication that Nicholas points out are the following:
- Listening – Active listening is imperative for successful relationships. It is almost comical how well this works to create bonding and rapport with people. Active Listening means actually listening and NOT waiting to talk. There is a big difference. This becomes readily apparent in couples getting a divorce. Neither spouse is listening when they argue but are at an emotional level of shouting to make a point. Active listening leads to enlighten and true understanding. You can engage your whole body in listening and being attentive in the conversation.
- Power of Questions – To enhance active listening, use open ended questions to dig into the details of the conversation you are having. Avoid questions like: Do you, Are you, Is it etc. this leads to a YES/NO answer with no room to expand. Instead ask leading questions like: How did that happen? What was the outcome?, Tell me about……. These open ended questions along with active listening will make you a great conversationalists with very little talking. Be real – Remember the primal instincts that we talked about earlier. This is basically the BS detector. You need to be truly interested in the person you are talking to. This does not mean you need to agree and roll over when you don’t. Be true to yourself as well.
- Sensory Channels – We chatted earlier about Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic learners. Paying attention to eye movements and words will give you clues to what the dominate learning of the person you are talking to. There is a lot of information on NLP (Nero-Linguistic Programming) which we won’t cover. One thing to take away according to the book – “The eyes server two purposes: one, roving around to see what is going on and two, activating sensory memory channels.
What is synchrony in human relations?
It’s basically syncronising your body language, your words, your manners, your tone, your attitude etc. to the person in front of you. You create harmony with people and allow the (love) concept in the cosmos flow.
You can syncronise yourself with people.
On the other hand, you can test if someone is syncronising with you by doing gestures and changing attitude and see if they fallow your lead. (if you want to lead)
