final terms for chapters 9-11

Question 1

you-language

Answer 1

language that implies blame on the other person.

Question 2

I-language

Answer 2

language that takes responsibility for the impact the other person’s behavior has on you, rather than simply scolding or casting blame.

Question 3

triangle theory of love

Answer 3

this is made up of intimacy, passion, and commitment. (Robert Sternberg)

Question 4

social exchange theory

Answer 4

a general principle that, in relationships, we want the best we can get for what we have to offer, and we might “exchange” what we have for something a potential partner is offering.

Question 5

emotional bank account

Answer 5

this is created by continuing to make small, everyday sacrifices and by making efforts to notice and appreciate the kindness of your partner. (John Gottman)

Question 6

criticism

Answer 6

negative communication directed at the person, rather than the behavior, including blame and negative judgment.

Question 7

contempt

Answer 7

negative communication conveying a strong message of disrespect and superiority.

Question 8

defensiveness

Answer 8

avoiding responsibility for a problem, and instead deflecting it back toward the other person.

Question 9

stonewalling

Answer 9

when one partner withdraws from a conversation, either by clamming up or by physically leaving the room and the discussion.

Question 10

social cognitive theory

Answer 10

a personality theory emphasizing the interactions between our environment, our thinking processes, and our behavior. (Albert Bandura)

Question 11

self-talk

Answer 11

internal thoughts that reinforce our interpretation of an activating event.