Exam Textbook Flashcards

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1
Q

Historically, was a marriage based on love?

A

no

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2
Q

What are the 4 dimensions on which love has varied through time?

A

Clutural value: is love a desireable or undesirable state?
Sexuality: should love be sexual?
Sexual Orientation: Should love involved heterosexual or same-sex partners?
Marital Status: should we love our spouses, or is love reserved for others?

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3
Q

Why is it that the idea of marrying for love is strongest in North America?

A
Individualism
Economic prosperity (allowing young adults to live by themselves)
Lack of a ruling class or caste system
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4
Q

Sternberg’s 3 building blocks for love

A
  1. Intimacy
  2. Passion
  3. Commitment
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5
Q

Sternberg’s Intimacy =

A

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support and sharing that often characterizes loving relationships

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6
Q

Sternberg’s Passion =

A

Physical arousal and desire, excitements and need.

|&raquo_space;Often take the form of sexual longing, but it can be any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one’s partner

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7
Q

Sternberg’s Commitment =

A

Feelings of permanence, stability, and the decision to devote oneself to a relationship and work to maintain it

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8
Q

Commitment is mostly ______ in nature, whereas passion and intimacy are _______

A

Cognitive

Drives or motives

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9
Q

Non-love

A

None of passion, intimacy or commitment

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10
Q

Liking

A

High intimacy

Low passion and commitment

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11
Q

Infatuation

A

Strong passion

No intimacy or commitment

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12
Q

Empty love

A

High commitment

No intimacy or passion

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13
Q

Romantic love

A

High intimacy and passion

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14
Q

Companionate love

A

High intimacy and commitment

No passion

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15
Q

Fatuous love

A

High passion and commitment

No intimacy

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16
Q

Consummate love

A

High passion, intimacy and commitment

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17
Q

Which component of Sternberg’s love varies the most

A

passion

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18
Q

Parts of the brain activated by sexual desire, attachment and attraction

A

Sexual desire = hypothalamus
Attraction = reward (dopamine)
Attachment = oxytocin

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19
Q

Two-Factor theory of attraction has 2 components

A

1) Physiological arousal such as an increased heart rate

2) The belief that another person is the cause of your arousal

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20
Q

Does the type of arousal matter for increased attraction?

A

No, it can be positive or negative

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21
Q

What does research say about the phrase “Love is blind”

A

There is evidence for it, people underestimate or ignore their lover’s faults and hold idealized versions of them

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22
Q

What are 2 findings of the change in self-concept at the beginning of a new relationship

A

Self-concept becomes more diverse and self-esteem increases

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23
Q

Long lasting marriages seem to include a lot of _____ love

A

Companionship

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24
Q

More compassionate love is related to more ______

A

relationship satisfaction

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25
Q

Compassionate love is rooted in more ______ understandings of our partner’s strengths and weaknesses

A

Accurate

> Recognize deficiencies but love them anyway

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26
Q

Eros:

A

has a strong physical component, heavily influences by appearance

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27
Q

Ludus:

A

Lack of commitment, often multiple partners at once

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28
Q

Storge:

A

Prefers friendship that gradually grows into lasting commitments

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29
Q

Mania:

A

Demanding, possessive and excitable

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30
Q

Agape:

A

Love is altruistic and dutiful

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31
Q

Pragma:

A

Practical, careful, and logical in seeking a mate

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32
Q

People with a secure attachment style experience and express better:

A
  • Intimacy
  • Passion
  • Commitment
  • Compassionate love
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33
Q

What is a big difference in the way that older people related to their partners

A
  • More cheer
  • Less arousal
  • Less intense emotions but overall more positive
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34
Q

Are men and women more similar or different when it comes to love?

A

More similar

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35
Q

Which of the three aspects of love is more highly associated with men and with women

A

Men are highly associated with passion

Women are more highly associated with commitment

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36
Q

Romantic love typically ____ after people marry

A

Decreases

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37
Q

Passion fades over time, this is associated with the decrease in what (3) of long term relationships

A

The fantasy, arousal, and novelty of a new relationship

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38
Q

Even though passion declines with time, what part of love increases

A

Intimacy and commitment

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39
Q

What is a strategy to keep the love alive in a long-term relationship

A

Engage in novel activities together

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40
Q

When are we generally accepting of pre-marital sex?

A

When it is in the context of a committed relationship

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41
Q

Do people prefer “hooking up” or being in a relationship

A

relationship

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42
Q

In terms of sex, how do men and women differ in what they regret?

A

Women tend to regret the things they did do

Men tend to regret the thing they didn’t do

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43
Q

What are 2 reasons people have less negative attitudes towards same-sex couples

A
  1. Gays and lesbians are much more visible to the public

2. We understand homosexuality much better now

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44
Q

What is a main factor of why people believe that we should be accepting of homosexuality vs not?

A

Accepting: believe it is biological

Don’t Accept: believe it is a choice

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45
Q

Men and women are both just as likely to have sex for emotional reasons. Which gender is more likely to have sex for physical, pragmatic and insecurity reasons?

A

Males

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46
Q

What is the prevalence of infidelity?

A

21% of women

32% of men

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47
Q

What is the motivation for cheating for men and women?

A

Men want sex

Women want an emotional connection

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48
Q

What demographic cheats the most?

A

Gay men

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49
Q

According to the sociosexuality model, who has a more unrestrictive orientation and is more likely to flirt.

A

Men

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50
Q

Can people guess who is sexually restrictive vs unrestrictive just by looking at them?

A

Yes

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51
Q

What facial characteristics suggest men and women are sexually unrestricted

A

More masculine and attractive face

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52
Q

Do people want to have a relationship with sexually unrestrictive people?

A

Not a long-term relationship

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53
Q

The good-gene hypothesis for the explanation for why women cheat

A

Some women - particularly those with less desirable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy where they a) pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while b) also seeking good genes for their children with other men

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54
Q

Are men or women more likely to switch mates as a result of an affair?

A

Women

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55
Q

Why is there such a large proportion of people who have unprotected sex? (7)

A
  • Underestimate the risk of getting an STI (many do not even ask)
  • Faulty decision making - men are much worse at making decisions when sexually aroused
  • Intoxication
  • People think that it is more accepted by others than it actually is
  • Differences in power
  • Abstinence-only education
  • Sex is more enjoyable without condoms
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56
Q

Illusion of Unique Invulnerability

A

perception that bad things are more likely to happen to others than ourselves

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57
Q

Pluralistic Ignorance

A

When people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others

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58
Q

Does more satisfying sex come from monogamy or multiple partners?

A

Monogamy

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59
Q

Sex is most rewarding when it fulfills what needs? (3)

A
  1. Autonomy
  2. Competence
  3. Relatedness
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60
Q

How do traditional gender roles affect sexual satisfaction

A

Decrease it

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61
Q

Clear _______ about sex is associated with greater satisfaction

A

Communication

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62
Q

Relational value:

A

the degree to which others consider the relationship with us to be valuable

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63
Q

When is exclusion most painful?

A

When we wanted to be included by others

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64
Q

Is there a difference in the hurt feelings experienced when people don’t care about us vs are actively avoiding us?

A

Not really, it seems that our momentary judgment of our self-worth bottom out when people reject us to any extent

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65
Q

Is there a significant boost in self-esteem from being very well liked to being adored?

A

not really

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66
Q

What perception of relation value are we most sensitive to?

A

Ranging from ambivalence to the low end of active inclusion

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67
Q

Decreasing acceptance hurts ____ than just constant rejection

A

more

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68
Q

What attachment styles experience the most hurt with relational devaluation (decreased acceptance)

A

high anxious

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69
Q

What attachment style experiences the least pain with the relational devaluation

A

Avoidant

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70
Q

People with _____ self-esteem get hurt less when rejected

A

high

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71
Q

When we are being ostracized what is our perception of temperature

A

We think rooms are colder and we prefer warm food and drink

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72
Q

What happens to time perception when being ostracized?

A

Feel that it is slower

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73
Q

Those who ostracise others are just as likely to ____ and ____ them as to shame and instruct them

A

frustrate and anger

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74
Q

reactive jealousy an be caused by what types of events

A

past, present or near future events

75
Q

Do men and women differ in their jealous tendencies in general

A

No

76
Q

Dependance and jealousy

A

People who have more dependence (low quality of alternatives) are more prone to jealousy

77
Q

Jealousy increases with feelings of ______ in a relationship.

This is related to a person’s ____

A

inadequacy

Self-esteem

78
Q

Which attachment style experiences the most jealousy

A

preoccupied

79
Q

People high in what personality trait are prone to jealousy

A

neuroticism

80
Q

What type of mate rivals cause us to be more upset

A

Friends (vs strangers)

If the person has more to offer

81
Q

Are men or women better at detecting sexual infidelity in their partner?

A

Men

82
Q

Mate poaching tactics of men and women

A

Men: offer power and willingness to provide resources
Women: offer good looks and sex

83
Q

What type of cheating to family members find most worrisome?

A

Sexual infidelity

84
Q

If partners cheat with someone of the same sex, what are men most worried about and what are women most worried about:

A

Men care about the sex only as much as women do (no chance of paternal uncertainty), the affair is less threatening to them
Women think it is equally awful for a homo vs hetero affair

85
Q

What attachment style is most likely going to try to work out problems after learning about infidelity

A

Secure

86
Q

The different responses to the threat of your partner’s ex of men and women

A

Women: put on a show and gain approval of partner
Men: protect their ego by confronting rival or flirting with others

87
Q

Are men or women more likely to try to get their partner jealous? Why do they do it?

A

Women

Do it to test the relationship or to get more attention from partner

88
Q

Ways to reduce their own unwanted jealousy

2

A

Self-reliance: “stay cool” and not dwell

Self-bolstering: boosting own self-esteem

89
Q

Deception:

A

intentional behaviour that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

90
Q

Types of deception: (4)

A

Outright lying
Concealing information
Diverting attention
Half truths

91
Q

Do we tell more or fewer lies to friends/partners than strangers

A

fewer

92
Q

Deceiver’s distrust:

A

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result

93
Q

What type of people tell more lies?

A

Insecure attachment
People who are concerned about what others think of them
People who are social

94
Q

Truth bias

A

Assuming our partner is telling the truth

95
Q

Do men and women differ in their tendency to betray

A

no

96
Q

Who are men and women more likely to betray?

A

Men: romantic business partners
Women: friends and family

97
Q

What are 3 main problems with revenge?

A
  1. It can turn into a cycle of hurting each other
  2. It is less satisfying than expected
  3. Being vengeful keeps the hurt alive and does not allow us to heal
98
Q

Why do people with secure attachment forgive more?

A

They ruminate less

99
Q

What factors make forgiveness easier?

A
  1. Sincere contrition
  2. Victim’s empathy
  3. No rumination
100
Q

Forgiveness is associated with ______ relationship satisfaction when the partner rarely misbehaves and _____ relationship satisfaction when the partner frequently betrays

A

higher

lower

101
Q

When does conflict occur

A

When one’s wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

102
Q

Dialetics

A

Partners differing goals that will always be in conflict with each other by nature

103
Q

Typical dialetics in relationships: (4)

A

Stability and change
Integration and separation
Openness and closedness
Autonomy and connection

104
Q

Personalities that encounter more conflict>

A

High neuroticism

105
Q

Attachment style that encounters more conflict

A

Insecure
More anxious
Especially with an anxious and avoidant diad

106
Q

Age and experiences of romantic conflict

A

Peaks in mid 20s and then decreases

107
Q

Similarity of partners and conflict

A

People who are less similar have more conflict

108
Q

Sleep and conflict

A

People get in more conflicts when they have slept poorly

109
Q

Alcohol and conflict

A

Intoxication makes people less agreeable and more conflict prone

110
Q

What are the 4 common categories of things that instigate conflict

A
  1. Criticism
  2. Illegitimate demands (unjust/unreasonable expectations)
  3. Rebuffs
  4. Cumulative annoyance
111
Q

Attributional conflict

A

fighting over whose version of events is correct

112
Q

Attributional biases we have for ourselves that contriute to conflict (2)`

A

Actor observer bias

self serving bias

113
Q

When compared to unhappy couples, happy couples regard their partner as being ________ motivated and as behaving ______ with ______ intent

A

selfish
unfair
negative

114
Q

When a person thinks that their partner’s bad behaviour is changeable, what are they more likely to do?

A

More likely to voice their discontent and constructively try to solve it

115
Q

Avoidance in conflict occurs when?

A

when both partners wish to evade the issue, happens more often when it is not a big deal or does not seem worth it to get into it

116
Q

4 types of direct nastiness in conflict

A
  1. Criticism
  2. Demands of compliance
  3. Antagonistic questions
  4. Sarcastic put-downs
117
Q

Negative affect reciprocity

A

Partners trade escalating provokations back and forth

118
Q

Two possible reasons for the gender differences in the demand-withdraw pattern

A

Gender differences : women expected to be expressive, men expected to be independent

Social Structure: comes from the differences in power between men and women –> Men have more power, and if you are getting your way you are likely to resist change

119
Q

Which is more beneficial, voice or loyalty?

A

Voice

120
Q

Whem are people more likely to exit rather than work through a problem

A

when there is an attractive alternative

121
Q

Why do volatile, validating and avoidance conflict styles all work?

A

Because the good outweighs the bad

122
Q

Ratio of good to bad that is required for a happy relationship

A

5 good for 1 bad

123
Q

Which conflict style gives the most relationship safisfaction

A

both validating

124
Q

Can you change your conflict style?

A

It is possible, but less than half manage it

125
Q

Social power:

A

the ability to influence others and resist their influence

126
Q

To have power you do not always need to HAVE the resource, but rather, you need to:

A

control the access to it

127
Q

Principle of Lesser interest

A

In any partnership, the person who has less interest in continuing and maintaining the relationship has more power

128
Q

The influence of alternatives on power

A

If a person has more alternatives they have more power than their partner

129
Q

Why may the avaliability of alternatives affect the power realtionship for working dads and stay at home moms?

A

Working men have more access (contect) to alternatives and the means (money) to pursue them

130
Q

Fate control

A

When one partner controls the other partners outcomes no matter what the partner does (eg. is the only source of the resource they want

131
Q

Behavioural control

A

Altering your partners behaviour by changing your own behaviour (eg. tit for tat)

132
Q

Counter power

A

When partners influence over each other is matched

133
Q

3 types of social norms that lead to legitimate power

A
  1. Reciprocity - obligation to return a favour
  2. Equity - obligation to put in the same amount of work
  3. Social responsibility - be generous to those who depend on us
134
Q

Who is the dominant one in most heterosexual relationships

A

man

135
Q

Why do men typically have more power over women?

A
  • Have more resources (make more money, employed in positions of power)
  • ## Social norms (powerful women are looked down on)
136
Q

Universal resources

A

Resources that can be exchanges with almost anyone

137
Q

Particularistic resources

A

resources that are valuable in some siuations but not others

138
Q

Women usually get their way for the small things in a relationship (household matters and kids) but who makes the big decisions (where to live)

A

Men

139
Q

Even when women make more money than men, who does more of the house work

A

women

140
Q

Casual sex views of powerful people

A

They expect that their subordinates will find them sexually appealing and judge others to be more sexually available

141
Q

Power in conversations with men and women

A

Women will display less power in a conversation with a man than she would with a woman (let him interrupt her more)

142
Q

Non-verbal body language of powerful people: (4)

A
  • larger interpersonal distance
  • more intense facial expressions
  • postures are less symetrical
  • take up more space
143
Q

Who is better at decoring emotions and being more aware of emotions

A

women

144
Q

Who needs to keep track of the emotions of the other, someone with more or less power

A

Less powerful people need to keep track of the emotions of powerful people

145
Q

What desire getting technique is used the most in happy relationships?

A

Direct

146
Q

More powerful people use bilateral or unilateral techniques for getting what they want?

A

bilateral

147
Q

Is it more gender or power level that predicts influence type

A

Status/power

148
Q

ratio of men and women who have experienced domestic violence

A

women: 1/4

Men 1/7

149
Q

Situational couple violence

A

when there is a heated argument, usually mutual

150
Q

Intimate terrorism

A

When one partner uses violence as a tool to control the other

151
Q

Violent resitance

A

A partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism

152
Q

8 ways intimate terrorists control their partners

A
  • coercion and threats
  • intimidation
  • emotional abuse
  • econimic abuse
  • isolation
  • minimizing, denying, blaming
  • using children
  • using male priviledge
153
Q

Who are more likely to engage in physical violence with their partners

A

women

154
Q

3 categories of situational couple violence

A
  1. instigating triggers - cause both partners to be on edge
  2. Impelling influences - make it more likely that partners will experience violent impulses
  3. Inhibiting impulses - encourage partners to refrain from violence
155
Q

2 possible reasons for intimate terrorism

A
  1. Bad at communication and violence is the only way they can make them stay
  2. They are antisocial and like inflicting harm
156
Q

Characteristics of abusing men:

A
  • feel intellectually inferior to partner
  • low self esteem
  • poverty
157
Q

Why don’t women leave abusive relationship?

A

They dont think they would be better off if they left

158
Q

Low income predicts more or less divorce

A

more

159
Q

Cohabitating before marriage predicts more or less divorce

A

more

160
Q

What are the 2 main barriers that distinguish couples who divorce with those who dont?

A
  1. Dependence on spouse

2. Religious beleifs

161
Q

Stress spill over

A

Stresses felt outside of the home are brought home and create conflict

162
Q

Enduring dynapics model predicts how ______ a couple will be

A

happy

163
Q

2 big conclusions from the PAIR project:

  1. The ____ and ____ of changes in romance best predict divorce
  2. The psoblems couples bring into a relationship determine how ____ a divorce will occur
A
  1. Size and speed

2. quickly

164
Q

Preserving indirectness in breaking up

A

Gradual dissatisfaction that led to one partner to make repeated efforts to dissolve the realtionship without ever announcing the intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the relationship

165
Q

5 general stages of relationship breakup

A
  1. Personal phase - feelings of frustration
  2. Dyadic phase - unhappy partner reveals discontent
  3. Social phase - partners publicize distress
  4. Grave dressing phase - getting over loss
  5. Resurrection phase - re-entering single life
166
Q

We can correctly predict how long it will take to get over a break up but over estimate what?

A

The pain of the initial breakup

167
Q

Do people feel better or worse after divorce

A

Usually better when it is a long time coming

168
Q

Womens and mens standard of living after a divorce

A

Women goes down (more mouths to feed with less money) and men’s goes up (less mouths to feed, more money)

169
Q

Well being of children of divorced parents

A

Lower well being

170
Q

If parents are constantly fighting, is it better or worse for the parents to divorce?

A

Better to divorce

171
Q

Cognitive interdependence

A

Percieve greater over lap between partners lives and use more plural pronouns

172
Q

Positive illusions

A

Idealizing each other and percieving the relationship in the best possible light

173
Q

Percieved superiority

A

Thinking one’s relationship is special

174
Q

Inattention to alternatives

A

Not paying attention to other alternatives

175
Q

Derogation of tepting alternatives

A

Percieving other potential partners as less attractive than their own

176
Q

5 cognitive relationship maintenence mechanisms

A
  1. Cognitive interdependence
  2. Positive illusions
  3. Percieved superiority
  4. Inattention to alternatives
  5. Derogation of tempting alternaties
177
Q

7 behavioural relationship maintaining mechanisms

A
  1. Willingness to sacrifice
  2. Prayer
  3. Michelangelo phenomeon
  4. Accomodation
  5. Self control
  6. Play
  7. Forgiveness
178
Q

Michelangelo phenomenon

A

helping the other to become who they want to be

179
Q

8 strategies to stay content in a relationship

A
  1. Positivity
  2. Openness
  3. Relationship talk
  4. Assurance
  5. Understanding
  6. Sharing tasks
  7. Sharing social networks
  8. Joint activities
180
Q

Of the 8 strategies to stay content in a relationship, which 3 are most important?

A

Positivity
Assurance
Sharing tasks

181
Q

Traditional behavioural couple therapy encourages partners to behave in what way?

A

Be more pleasant and rewarding partners

182
Q

Integrative behavioural couple therapy builds on traditional therapy how?

A

Encourages partners to accept incompatabilities they cannot change

183
Q

Emotionally focused therapy teaches couples what?

A

To identify maladaptice cycles and replace them with more constructive interactions

184
Q

Insight oriented therapy

A

Strives to help people understand hoe their habits are creating difficutly in the relationship