DEAR MAN Flashcards
What does the D stand for?
Describe
Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.
What does the E stand for?
Express
Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that others know how you feel.
What does the A stand for?
Assert
Assert yourself by asking what you want or saying “no” clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others can’t read your mind.
What does R stand for?
Reinforce.
Reward the person ahead of time so to speak by explaining the positive effects of getting what you want or what you need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need.
What does the M stand for?
Mindful.
Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic. Speak like a “broken record”. Keeping asking for what you want. Or say “no” and express your opinion over and over and over. Just keep relaying the same thing again and again. Ignore attacks. If the other person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or tries to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.
What does A stand for?
Appear.
Appear confident, effective, and competent. Use a confident tone of voice and physical manner. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor or retreating.
What does N stand for?
Negotiate.
Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.
