Dare To Lead Flashcards
Define a leader.
Anyone who takes RESPONSIBILITY for finding POTENTIAL in people and processes, and who has the COURAGE to DEVELOP that potential
———— is the big barrier to almost everything we want in life, especially courage.
Vulnerability
You can’t get to ——— without rumbling with vulnerability.
Courage
A ——— is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle
back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, as psychologists Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.
and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with
the same passion with which we want to be heard.
Rumble
Courage is a collection of what four skill sets that can be taught, observed, and measured.
Rumbling with VULNERABILITY
Living into our VALUES
Braving TRUST
Learning to RISE
The foundational skill of courage-building is the willingness and ability to rumble with ————-.
Vulnerability
What is the true underlying obstacle to brave leadership?
How we respond to fear
If we want people to fully show up, to bring their whole selves, their unarmored, whole hearts, so that we can innovate, solve problems and serve people, we have to ————.
Be vigilant about creating a culture in which people feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.
What is the definition of vulnerability?
The EMOTION that we experience during times of UNCERTAINTY, risk and emotional EXPOSURE.
Is vulnerability a weakness?
Yes/ no
No
Who should be on your square squad?
People who love you not despite your vulnerability and imperfections but because of them.
Choosing to own our vulnerability and do it consciously means learning how to ___________.
Learning how to rumble with this emotion and understand how it drives our thinking and behavior so we can stay aligned with our values and live in our integrity.
To grow to adulthood as a social species, including humans, is to ——-
Become the one on whom others can depend.
There’s probably not a single act at work that requires more vulnerability than ——-
Holding people accountable for ethics and values, especially when you’re alone in it and there’s a lot of money, power, or influence at stake.
What is the metaphor of the marble jar used for?
People who gain our trust
How is trust earned?
In small moments. Through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.
What are the four horsemen of the apocalypse?
Criticism
Defensiveness
Stone walling
Contempt (most damning in romantic partnership)
How does a leader create what is called a safe container?
By asking the team what they need to feel open and safe in the conversation.
What is psychological safety?
Team members feeling safe to risk and be vulnerable in front of each other
What are somethings that get in the way of psychological safety?
Judgement
Unsolicited advise
Interrupting
Sharing outside the team meeting
What is stealth intention?
A self-protection need that lurks beneath the surface and often drives behavior outside of our values.
What is stealth expectation?
A desire or expectation that exists outside our awareness and typically includes a dangerous combination of fear and magical thinking.
Adaptability to change, hard conversations, feedback, problem solving, ethical decision making, recognition, resilience and all of the other skills that underpin daring leadership are born of ————.
Vulnerability
Clear is ———, unclear is ——
Kind, unkind
When having a hard conversation, it may be best to ——- unless it is a time sensitive, urgent issue.
Circle back
How is the ritual “permission slips” used in meetings?
They each write down one thing they gave themselves permission to do or feel.
What notes are taken down in the meeting minutes process?
Date
Meeting intention
Attendees
Key decisions
Tasks and ownership
What is the turn and learn process?
Everyone writes down estimated timelines on projects and priorities on a post it note and turns them over to show answers.
What is gritty faith and gritty facts?
You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end— which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.
Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feeling, or squander what?
An unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.
When rumbles become unproductive what should you do?
Call a timeout
We can’t do our jobs when we own other people’s emotions or take responsibility for them as a way to control the related behaviors, for what reason?
Other peoples emotions are not our jobs. We can’t both serve people and try to control their feelings.
What is “ engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think ,” no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.”
Wholeheartedness
What is the biggest threat to our ego and our sense of self worth?
Shame
What is shame?
The feeling that washes over us and makes us feel so flawed that we question weather we’re worthy of love, belonging and connection.
What is the antidote to shame?
Empathy
What were the top three forms of armor?
Perfectionism
Foreboding joy
Numbing
Why do we insist on dress rehearsing tragedy in moments of deep joy?
Because joy is the most vulnerable emotion we feel.
What is the one thing that people who can fully lean into joy have in common?
Gratitude
What can numbing agents lead too?
Addiction
What is the cure for numbing?
Developing tools and practices that allow you to lean into discomfort.
What are shadow comforts?
Numbing devices
What are three strategies for transforming from always knowing to always learning?
1) name the issue
2) make learning curiosity skills a priority
3) acknowledged and reward questions
What are the three antidotes to sarcasm and cynicism?
1) staying clear and kind
2) saying what you mean and mean what you say
3) if what’s under cynicism and sarcasm is despair, the antidote is cultivating hope
What is the belief that tomorrow will be just like today?
Despair
What are the two forms of criticism that are harder to recognize?
Nostalgia and invisible army
——— often arises from fear or feelings of unworthiness
Criticism
How does Martin Luther king jr describes power?
As the ability to achieve PURPOSE and effect CHANGE.
Once everyone understands their value, we stop hustling for worthiness and lean into our——.
Gifts
What is the accountability and success checklist? TASC
T- who owns the TASK
A- do they have the AUTHORITY to be held ACCOUNTABLE
S- do we agree they are set up for SUCCESS
C - do we have a CHECKLIST of what needs to happen
What helps shape our brain, foster empathy, helps us navigate complex social groups and is at the core of creativity and innovation?
Rest, play and recovery
What is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world?
True belonging
What is the greatest barrier to true belonging?
Fitting in and changing who we are so we can be accepted.
Rewarding others rather than —— — — —— is the only way to continue to grow within an organization and fully embody the mantle of daring leadership.
Seeking to be rewarded
Zigzagging is the metaphor for what?
The energy we spend trying to dodge the bullets of vulnerability