Confessions of a Facebook Addict Flashcards
Bruce: Hey Man the games about to start…
Carlton: You can not just barge in on a (wo)man when (s)he is on his (her) computer.
Bruce: Um this is my house too. I can barge into any room I want. And besides thats my computer… Why? Is that facebook?
Carlton: You have one too.
Yes but unlike you I know wen the big game is on it trumps facebook any day.
Carlton: Towch
Bruce: Um you mean touche
Carlton: No I mean towch
Bruce: psh idiot
Carlton: Excuse me I am…. attending to some very… important friends right now so if you could just…
Bruce: Yeah cus you dont have any really friends in the real world
Carlton: Alright let go there. how many friends do you have on facebook?
Bruce: Idk like maybe ten
Carlton: You are soo not… cool
Bruce: And how many might you have?
Carlton: oh pff only like (cough) 15,000
Bruce: You dont even know 15 people. how can you possibly have 15,000 friends?
Carlton: I accept anyone who sends me a friend request. Just come over here and look
Looks at computer with bruce.
Carlton: Heres a new request from a girl named Natasha… shes 35 years old… and russian. (pause) welcome to america Ms. Natasha.
Bruce: just send me a miracle … send me an angel.
Carlton: Groans loudly
Bruce: An angel? Which one is it? Michael? Gabriel?
Carlton: Bruce?
Bruce: Lucifer?
Carlton: No… Its Carlton.
Bruce: Same thing…
Carlton: Huh.
Bruce: Nothing…nothing.
Carlton: Where are we? Why am I tied to a chair?
Bruce: How would I know? The last thing I remember is watching the game at the apartment when all of a sudden those FBI agents burst through the door and told us to go with them.
Carlton: You know what? That was weird… I dont think those guys were really FBI agents.
Bruce:…No you tink?
Carlton: Yeah, in fact, I bet they were the ones who kidnapped us and tied us to these chairs.
Bruce: wow. Sherlock nothing gets by you.
Carlton: (Long pause). Bruce? Are we gonna die?
Bruce: No we are not gonna die.
Carlton: (Pause) Were gonna die.
Bruce: No! Were gonna get out. Well be fine. Lets just focus on getting out of here now. Try to get to that window over there.
Carlton: How?
Bruce: Carlton? Are you okay?
Carlton: I hate you
Bruce: Get up
Carlton. Its not working
Bruce: Try something else
Carlton: I have an idea… Here
Bruce: What are you doing?
Carlton: Just grab my foot and pull me up.
Bruce: You know im tied to a chair right.
Carlton: Well… Just…bite it.
Bruce: What? are you suggesting that I…
Carlton: Just bite my foot and pull me up with your mouth… please
Bruce: let me be clear… There is no way in gods green earth is your foot going into my mouth
Carlton: Were gonna die
Bruce: Clam down im coming
Carlton: Calm down. you wnat me to calm down? Im strapped to a chair face suction-cupped to the ground, we may only have a couple minutes to live, ive lost my job, my fiance is expecting me to support a family, and my facebook status hasnt been changed in god know how long.
Bruce: C-Carlton just take deep breaths
Carlton: And I just borrowed half a million dollars from a facebook friend.
Bruce: You did what?
Carlton: Uh…nothing
Bruce: But you wouldnt do that… thatd be stupid… right
Carlton: Funny thing Bruce… Remember when we were at the house before the game?
Bruce: you are rediculous
Carlton: All I did was chat with him a bit … then I poked hime
Bruce: Borrowed a butt-load of money from him…then you poked him?
Carlton: Thats what friends do on facebook they poke eachother.
Bruce: well im sorry to question your wisdom, oh wise guru of the facebook
Carlton: Your forgivin…plus it was only 500,000$
Bruce: what on earth were you planning to do with half a million dollars
Carlton: i dont know: pay some bills… Maybe buy a lamborgini, a big house, a pool, servants, a classy door bell… you know the kind that go…(make door bell song)
Bruce: and you have no idea wy were here
Carlton: no?
Bruce: let me explain it.
Carlton: hey bruce
Bruce: there are two types of people in this world
Carlton: Could you help me up first
Bruce: There are those who are loan sharks
Carlton: My wrists hurt
Bruce: And those who are not loan sharks
Carlton: There bleeding
Bruce: you are not a loan shark you are a loan guppy. When the guppies borrow from the sharks, the guppies get kidnapped by fake FBI agents.
Carlton: My wrists still hurt
Bruce: Were getting out of here now
Carlton:OWOW
Bruce: What
Carlton: you gave me rug burn
Bruce: you got me kidnapped
Carlton: towch
Bruce: you mean touche
Carlton: no I mean towche
Bruce: we are leaving this instant and there is nothing you can do to screw it up
Carlton: What are yu doing
Bruce: ready
Carlton: no
Bruce: 1
Carlton: why are you counting
Bruce: 2
Carlton: stop counting
Bruce: 3… when we get out of here im deleting your facebook account
Carlton: (laugh) good one
Bruce: im not kidding. say goodbye to your 14,999 friends
Carlton: 15000
Bruce: one of them was a loan shark that kidnapped you. does that really constitute friendship
Carlton: towch
Bruce: Are you almost done… weve got things to do
Carlton: How far down is it?
Bruce: idk it too dark to see
Carlton: We cant just jump
Bruce. well i we uh.. i think i here someone coming
Carlton: what. oh no were gonna die
Bruce: no we just gotta jump and hope we dont do the the splat
Carlton: splat
Bruce: Just truct me. on the count of three. 1 2
Carlton: wait wait bruce before we jump and possibly do the splat.. i love you.. as a brother(sister)
Bruce: Im so glad you clarified. okay are you ready
Carlton: yes
Bruce: are you sure..
Carlton: yes
Bruce: okay on the count of three 1 2
Carlton: wait
Bruce: what
Carlton: on three or after three
Bruce: carlton we already landed
Carlton: we already landed?
Bruce: we already landed we were on the fisrt story
Calrton: we were only on the first floor
start to run after dance party
Carlton: wait… you pushed me out of a window.. and you had no idea how high we were
Bruce: not now.. I . hope. youve learned. something. from. all .this.
Carlton: I sure have
Bruce: And
Carlton: its pronounced touche
